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Love in Other’s Words~

Love in Other’s Words~

I don’t have many words in me this evening, as I sit down to write this week’s blog. I do have a heart and mind filled with memories of the Love that Chuck and I shared for 24 years. A Love...

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A letter of encouragement to my Widbuds

A letter of encouragement to my Widbuds

All photos my own, taken this week in the French Pyrenees I could write tons of letters of encouragement to my Widbuds, or indeed Grieflings of any fragrance or flavour. Whether it’s about putting one...

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A Grief of my Own

A Grief of my Own

I think, at best, I will rebuilt a remarkable life; but while I live this beautiful new life, I know that a part of me will always be searching for the woman I used to be.  I am on the look out for the...

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The Gates of Grief

The Gates of Grief

I realize I have gotten to a point where I go through my week, head down and pushing things back to keep grief at bay. The weekend hits and my first day is full of errands and obligations but my second...

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Desire

Desire

Often, our gift to this world--the thing we are here to do--is the thing we tend to fear or dislike the most. Scary how that works. I wanted to be a writer. Here I am... writing a blog, not a book.

What...

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Simple Division~

Simple Division~

If I divide the days you’ve been gone 2661 by the months 87 By the years 7 years by the weeks 380 by the minutes 3883 by the miles I’ve driven 165,000 by the number of states I’ve taken...

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Nice enough. Just not “right”

Nice enough. Just not “right”

View of “Le Canigou” – the Pyrenees’ highest mountain – from my parents’ house, after a summer storm 3 August 2020 We have been on holiday now for a “fat” week...

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Secondary losses continued…

Secondary losses continued…

Since he died,

I’ve been scared a lot because I have to do everything on my own.

Since he died,

I’ve been forced to do a hell of a lot more than simply watching movies alone.

I’ve been...

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The Keeper of the Lighthouse

The Keeper of the Lighthouse

Grief’s gaze. I knew it as soon as I got it this week. It’s that look you get from someone who has just suffered a new great loss. It conveys so much with so little. It’s so very different from the...

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It’s Over

It’s Over

July, that is.
The death month.
The month that he died.
It's over.
After today.
For another year.
We now move into August,
and my anxiety finally gets to shut down for awhile.

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Twenty Five

Twenty Five

Twenty five. Twenty-five years. Next week. We only made it twenty-three years, two weeks and one day. Suzanne died on August 19, 2018. Our 23rd anniversary was August 4, 2018. This was a photo we took...

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In Which I Agree 100% with Kelley Lynn~

In Which I Agree 100% with Kelley Lynn~

I read Kelley Lynn’s blog the other day, and felt immediate connection as she wrote about time passing, and 9 years later and Don and grief and what do you do with it or about it after a certain...

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Newly Widowed

Arriving in Community

Arriving in Community

Until last Saturday, I had never been to a Camp Widow event. I watched as a team of dedicated, compassionate and talented people created a space for the LGBTQ widowed. Held at the beautiful Los Angeles...

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Nightmares Now and Then

Nightmares Now and Then

I’ve had some really weird and disturbing dreams the past week. The sort of dreams that don’t really relate to anything in my actual life but have lots of very stressful or strange things going on...

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Understanding “Freedom”

Understanding “Freedom”

The Fourth of July - All things summer right? It’s cookouts, pool, family, sunscreen and fireworks. All the freedoms you get living in the good ole USA. It’s funny how the word freedom is used. By...

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The Scariest Part of Surgery

The Scariest Part of Surgery

This blog will be short because I had a lasik procedure this week and my eyes get tired quickly.I’ve never been one to be comfortable with eye stuff. I hate eye drops and the thought of contact lenses...

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Defiantly Defined

Defiantly Defined

So this blog is a bit different than I usually write. This week I’ve been obsessed with terminology. Have you ever stopped for a minute and thought about words? Where did they come from? How they got...

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What Lies Within

What Lies Within

It’s an interesting thing how people around you say they understand and they will be there for you. However when you have a tough day and they respond by saying: “I thought you said you were ok and...

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Baggage

Baggage

When I began my life without Mike 2.5 years ago, I felt like I landed in a foreign country and I could not speak the language.  There was a sense that I was standing helplessly in the baggage claims area. ...

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Call Me Anytime

Call Me Anytime

I watched the first episode of a new show on Netflix this morning called Dead to Me. In the episode, two women meet at a grief group, both widows. They end up building a new friendship as late night phone...

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Small Screen Surprises

Small Screen Surprises

I had my sister and a friend in town this past week and it was wonderful. We had a great time relaxing and just enjoying each others’ company.  All of us are working a side business together with a...

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Things That Matter

Things That Matter

Since becoming an involentary widow almost 8 years ago, I have changed in many positive ways.  I am more empathetic.  I am more sympathetic.  I am less judgemental of people's lives and situations and...

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Please Sign and Date

Please Sign and Date

Well the past two weeks I have been absent from blog writing. The first anniversary of Tin’s passing was quickly approaching and I honestly was scared. Scared to think about it. Scared to talk about...

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The Changing of the Guards

The Changing of the Guards

I did it. Maybe I didn’t outwardly realize I was doing it but I did it. I ignored the rising flood.For the past week I have made myself more and more busy. I have extended myself to help others beyond...

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Soaring Spirits Interational

Soaring Spirits Interational

Soaring Spirits builds community. We create, and maintain, innovative peer-based grief support programs for widowed men and women that serve a worldwide population. Based on the powerful connections created by shared experience, we endeavor to ensure that no one need grieve alone.

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A letter of encouragement to my Widbuds

A letter of encouragement to my Widbuds

All photos my own, taken this week in the French Pyrenees I could write tons of letters of encouragement to my Widbuds, or indeed Grieflings of any fragrance or flavour. Whether it’s about putting one...

Read More

Wrapping Loss in Love

Wrapping Loss in Love

Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash I spend a lot of my time reading about death, dying, and grieving, participating in webinars and holding space sessions with grief experts, people who’ve developed wise...

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From “A Gentleman in Moscow”

From “A Gentleman in Moscow”

At the behest of my new partner, I have started to read fiction again. The second of her recommendations is a book called “A Gentleman in Moscow.”

I am currently reading and enjoying it. Set in...

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Dogs and love

Dogs and love

In the year after our twin daughters were born, we got a golden retriever puppy we named Charlie. Everyone always says they have, “the best dog ever,” but Charlie truly was. When the girls were young,...

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When Negativity Takes Over

When Negativity Takes Over

What happened instead is that an opening was made, for that voice to come back and haunt me. That voice that tells me I am cursed in some way from ever having those milestone, big, beautiful moments in...

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Dating 101: Confidence is Quiet, Insecurity Loud

Dating 101: Confidence is Quiet, Insecurity Loud

I have discovered that you learn a lot about who you are while you are dating.  Dating is much more than it appears to be at face value. Dating really isn’t about whether someone likes you.  This simple...

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Incongruities of a Summer’s Day

Incongruities of a Summer’s Day

Just like I always feel a twinge of glee on 21st December (we have reached the shortest and darkest 24-hour period in the Northern Hemisphere – yippee!), I also feel a twinge of sadness on 21st June...

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Love is the Cure…

Love is the Cure…

I can only help ease the void he left with love itself. 

When I miss Mike what I’m missing is love. 

How can I solve this absence of love with anything but love? 

Love is the cure here -...

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Eat the Cake Anyway!

Eat the Cake Anyway!

I did NOT cancel the Bed & Breakfast that was supposed to be for our wedding night. I did NOT cancel the wedding cake either. I am celebrating my relationship on this day no matter what - and that...

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Bring It…

Bring It…

Since he died, I have reestablished my life with the exception of my love life.  Around the three year mark, I realized that I had to address this missing component of my life without Mike.  I acknowledged...

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First Flight, Last Flight

First Flight, Last Flight

Hey bud,   You know, there are a lot of coincidental similarities between you and I.  I mean, even at age 6, I was fascinated by flight (spaceflight specifically, at the time), visiting Kennedy space...

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A Rite of Passage

A Rite of Passage

One of the first big milestones of life without Suzanne has come to pass. Our youngest daughter has finished college and has basically graduated (she has fulfilled all of her requirements, but because...

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Nice enough. Just not “right”

Nice enough. Just not “right”

View of “Le Canigou” – the Pyrenees’ highest mountain – from my parents’ house, after a summer storm 3 August 2020 We have been on holiday now for a “fat” week...

Read More

Incongruities of a Summer’s Day

Incongruities of a Summer’s Day

Just like I always feel a twinge of glee on 21st December (we have reached the shortest and darkest 24-hour period in the Northern Hemisphere – yippee!), I also feel a twinge of sadness on 21st June...

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Multiple Versions of Mother’s Day

Multiple Versions of Mother’s Day

Today, as I write, Sunday 10th May 2020, it is Mother’s Day in North America. And, closer to home, in Switzerland too. The day during which, in former times, people congratulate mothers on being mothers...

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Double Duty

Double Duty

When he died, he was in the processing of teaching the boys how to do many of these tasks. Mike thought he had time. And, then time ran out. Death robbed us overnight. And, I find this ironic because Mike...

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Mothers’ Day

Mothers’ Day

This is the sixth Mother’s day since Megan’s death.  Shelby is now starting to actually outgrow her mother’s shoes, and she’s almost as tall at 13 as Megan was at 33.  She looks like her.  A...

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Hollow (Second edition)

Hollow (Second edition)

For many years, I chose to exist safely.  I needed to pause and reestablish my footing.  And, thankfully, I did outgrow the comfort of the limitations I have created for myself.  But, I will never forget...

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Nothing and Everything to Say

Nothing and Everything to Say

As I’m just days away from the second anniversary of Clayton’s death, I’m finding myself in all sorts of mental states. The past 3 days I have been happy, sad, depressed, angry, energetic, exhausted,...

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I Forgot…

I Forgot…

In our community, “Grief Math” is common practice. We all do it.  We keep track of dates.  We mark dates. We “celebrate” dates. We honor our person on certain days. And, daily, we privately...

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Quagmire

Quagmire

Sunshine and mild temperatures don’t mean that the worst is over...they simply mean that the weather that will floor you comes from the ground up.

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Moving Forward….

Moving Forward….

My second Valentine’s without you. The first one was a fog. The second one I’m wide awake with full clarity to feel all the feelings. To say today is fine would be dishonest. Today is hard...

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Widowed Valentine’s Day

Widowed Valentine’s Day

HAPPY WIDOWED VALENTINES DAY! Yes, it's that time again. Why don't they have cards that say "I love you, but you're dead", or "Kiss Me! No, wait, don't. You're dead and that's creepy." Or "I cuddle with...

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Knowing Ahead

Knowing Ahead

The holiday season is over.  Starting in early November, every year, I begin pondering Megan’s death at an elevated rate, leading up to the anniversary of it.  With Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New...

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Camp Widow®

Camp Widow®

Camp Widow® is a unique and incredible experience. This program provides both practical tools and relevant resources for widowed persons rebuilding their lives in the aftermath of the death of a spouse or partner.

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Love in Other’s Words~

Love in Other’s Words~

I don’t have many words in me this evening, as I sit down to write this week’s blog. I do have a heart and mind filled with memories of the Love that Chuck and I shared for 24 years. A Love...

Read More

A Grief of my Own

A Grief of my Own

I think, at best, I will rebuilt a remarkable life; but while I live this beautiful new life, I know that a part of me will always be searching for the woman I used to be.  I am on the look out for the...

Read More

The Gates of Grief

The Gates of Grief

I realize I have gotten to a point where I go through my week, head down and pushing things back to keep grief at bay. The weekend hits and my first day is full of errands and obligations but my second...

Read More

Desire

Desire

Often, our gift to this world--the thing we are here to do--is the thing we tend to fear or dislike the most. Scary how that works. I wanted to be a writer. Here I am... writing a blog, not a book.

What...

Read More

Simple Division~

Simple Division~

If I divide the days you’ve been gone 2661 by the months 87 By the years 7 years by the weeks 380 by the minutes 3883 by the miles I’ve driven 165,000 by the number of states I’ve taken...

Read More

Secondary losses continued…

Secondary losses continued…

Since he died,

I’ve been scared a lot because I have to do everything on my own.

Since he died,

I’ve been forced to do a hell of a lot more than simply watching movies alone.

I’ve been...

Read More

The Keeper of the Lighthouse

The Keeper of the Lighthouse

Grief’s gaze. I knew it as soon as I got it this week. It’s that look you get from someone who has just suffered a new great loss. It conveys so much with so little. It’s so very different from the...

Read More

It’s Over

It’s Over

July, that is.
The death month.
The month that he died.
It's over.
After today.
For another year.
We now move into August,
and my anxiety finally gets to shut down for awhile.

Read More

Twenty Five

Twenty Five

Twenty five. Twenty-five years. Next week. We only made it twenty-three years, two weeks and one day. Suzanne died on August 19, 2018. Our 23rd anniversary was August 4, 2018. This was a photo we took...

Read More

In Which I Agree 100% with Kelley Lynn~

In Which I Agree 100% with Kelley Lynn~

I read Kelley Lynn’s blog the other day, and felt immediate connection as she wrote about time passing, and 9 years later and Don and grief and what do you do with it or about it after a certain...

Read More

Unassisted

Unassisted

I felt sad when I left the dealership as the owner of a new car.  I knew I was supposed to feel happy.  I mean they congratulated me on my purchase.  Apparently this was big stuff.  Purchasing a vehicle...

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I Have A Sometimes Invisible, Often Chronic, Incurable Condition – I...

I Have A Sometimes Invisible, Often Chronic, Incurable Condition – I...

Hello, For those of you new around here, Hi I’m Bryan. I’m a director of animal care at an aquarium. I’m passionately obsessed with essential oils and environmentally safe products. I’m a son,...

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Twenty Five

Twenty Five

Twenty five. Twenty-five years. Next week. We only made it twenty-three years, two weeks and one day. Suzanne died on August 19, 2018. Our 23rd anniversary was August 4, 2018. This was a photo we took...

Read More

Wrapping Loss in Love

Wrapping Loss in Love

Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash I spend a lot of my time reading about death, dying, and grieving, participating in webinars and holding space sessions with grief experts, people who’ve developed wise...

Read More

Post Mortem – a year on

Post Mortem – a year on

This past week we have been honouring and commemorating Julia. (And Mike. And Ed. And Don. Of course). Like we do every day. Of course. But particularly Julia this week. The first “deathiversary”...

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Right Down to the Weather

Right Down to the Weather

Main Photo by Marc Wieland on Unsplash So there we have it. Here we are again. Time has rolled around. As it is wont to do. Dates might not have, but the sense, the weight of that Sunday night 52 weeks...

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First Flight, Last Flight

First Flight, Last Flight

Hey bud,   You know, there are a lot of coincidental similarities between you and I.  I mean, even at age 6, I was fascinated by flight (spaceflight specifically, at the time), visiting Kennedy space...

Read More

“D” Day No. 8

“D” Day No. 8

Eight years ago today my world changed forever, suddenly, and in ways I couldn't have imagined...

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Three Little Words, and Other Hard Things

Three Little Words, and Other Hard Things

Yesterday was our anniversary. Next week, the 8th anniversary of his death. That’s a day that a lot of people still remember. But yesterday… no one else really remembers...

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Marry Me (Version 2020)

Marry Me (Version 2020)

Four years later, it is time to focus on the life I have, not the life that was supposed to be.  But, this is much easier said than done.  I don't know much for certain, but I can say, I’m not as lost...

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Potential & Change

Potential & Change

I want you to know a few things. After Suzanne dies, you will feel like there is little potential of anything ever making your life any better. Did you know that you will be scared, hurting, very much...

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Messages from Mike

Messages from Mike

There seems to come a time in life for those of us who do not grow up with formal religion – and perhaps it’s triggered by loss and hardship, perhaps by age – where we search for meaning in losses...

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Softly Spoken~

Softly Spoken~

Stay with me, my beloved husband. Don’t leave me. I don’t want to be without you in this life. Words uttered only in my heart as my hand gently touched your forehead. As my hand glided over your cheekbones,...

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The Power of Your Name

The Power of Your Name

Dear Tin, It’s so hard to believe that this week makes the second year I’ve had to wake up without you. I don’t know how to describe how 2 years feels like already and forever ago at the same time...

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The Widowed Resilience Scale

The Widowed Resilience Scale

Resilience is defined as the ability to ‘bounce back’ or recover from a traumatic life event or circumstance. According to the Holmes and Rahe Social Readjustment Scale widowhood rates as one of life’s most challenging experiences. This fact has driven the desire to study resilience in widowhood and identify the ways in which resilience can be built in men and women who have experienced conjugal loss.

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Featured Author

Meet this weeks Widow's Voice author.

Emma Pearson

Emma Pearson

My life is a whirling mix of swishy strands, dark and glowing brightly, rough and silky smooth – all attempting to be seen, felt and integrated at once. Here are some of my themes.

I am British

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