New Posts

My First Post!

My First Post!

Hi, everyone. First of all, thank you to Sarah and Mike for the warm welcome. I know that your words have been so meaningful and helpful to so many people.  I am so honored to have the opportunity to...

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The Pain and Possibilities of “Yes”

The Pain and Possibilities of “Yes”

The first thing I learned to do when Clayton passed away was say “No”. I said no to getting out of bed, no to eating, no to showering, no to the gym. No was the safest place I could hide myself. Saying...

Read More

Thankful and Grateful

Thankful and Grateful

It is my hope that one day, in the very-distant future, I will look back and see how far I have come and be proud of myself and my resilience. And when it comes time to close my eyes for the last time,...

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Undoing~

Undoing~

The holidays. Sometimes “The Holidays”. Tra la la la la. In the midst of grief, the words loom large. They loom large even when it isn’t about intense grief but just…eh. THE HOLIDAYS...

Read More

Love of My Life

Love of My Life

After a lot of reflection, I finally understood  and realized that I was left to minister myself the love Mike can no longer physically and emotionally provide to me.  When you are widowed,  you are...

Read More

Faith In Fingerprints 

Faith In Fingerprints 

Since Tin’s passing, many have said he is with me, many have said he’s moving things in and out of my path to help make things easier and more successful for me. On many occasions, I have found pennies,...

Read More

What I’ve Been~

What I’ve Been~

In my life I’ve been quiet and loud Still and vibrant Strong and vulnerable Smiled and cried I’ve been a Highland dancer A belly dancer And a hoop dancer There was so much joy in me As I danced...

Read More

What I Wouldn’t Give

What I Wouldn’t Give

Today is one of those days where Julia’s death, the reality of it, gets through to me… just a little bit more. Despite it always being present, always heavy in my heart, wearisome in my lungs,...

Read More

Four Years Without Him…

Four Years Without Him…

It has been hard, but I  have accepted that there is no returning to who I was.  In the fifth year of widowhood that is before me, I will try to focus on who I am becoming.  I will continue recreating...

Read More

Seeds of Hope in the Unknown

Seeds of Hope in the Unknown

On days when all this unknown feels scary… I look for hope in the smallest places and I let it grow in my heart. Because I find that hope very quickly grows into faith and trust that even the unknowns...

Read More

Champagne Dreams and Lost Love Legacies

Champagne Dreams and Lost Love Legacies

Yesterday was my 42nd birthday. I’m unbelievably grateful for the outpouring of celebration especially on social media where so many of us are finding community during a pandemic. I decided that the...

Read More

Asking For Help

Asking For Help

Why can’t we ask for help?

Why are we—the collective we, men and women, widowed and non-widowed—so reticent to ask for help when we need it? I mean truly ask. I’m not talking about simply asking...

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Newly Widowed

Arriving in Community

Arriving in Community

Until last Saturday, I had never been to a Camp Widow event. I watched as a team of dedicated, compassionate and talented people created a space for the LGBTQ widowed. Held at the beautiful Los Angeles...

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Nightmares Now and Then

Nightmares Now and Then

I’ve had some really weird and disturbing dreams the past week. The sort of dreams that don’t really relate to anything in my actual life but have lots of very stressful or strange things going on...

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Understanding “Freedom”

Understanding “Freedom”

The Fourth of July - All things summer right? It’s cookouts, pool, family, sunscreen and fireworks. All the freedoms you get living in the good ole USA. It’s funny how the word freedom is used. By...

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The Scariest Part of Surgery

The Scariest Part of Surgery

This blog will be short because I had a lasik procedure this week and my eyes get tired quickly.I’ve never been one to be comfortable with eye stuff. I hate eye drops and the thought of contact lenses...

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Defiantly Defined

Defiantly Defined

So this blog is a bit different than I usually write. This week I’ve been obsessed with terminology. Have you ever stopped for a minute and thought about words? Where did they come from? How they got...

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What Lies Within

What Lies Within

It’s an interesting thing how people around you say they understand and they will be there for you. However when you have a tough day and they respond by saying: “I thought you said you were ok and...

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Baggage

Baggage

When I began my life without Mike 2.5 years ago, I felt like I landed in a foreign country and I could not speak the language.  There was a sense that I was standing helplessly in the baggage claims area. ...

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Call Me Anytime

Call Me Anytime

I watched the first episode of a new show on Netflix this morning called Dead to Me. In the episode, two women meet at a grief group, both widows. They end up building a new friendship as late night phone...

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Small Screen Surprises

Small Screen Surprises

I had my sister and a friend in town this past week and it was wonderful. We had a great time relaxing and just enjoying each others’ company.  All of us are working a side business together with a...

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Things That Matter

Things That Matter

Since becoming an involentary widow almost 8 years ago, I have changed in many positive ways.  I am more empathetic.  I am more sympathetic.  I am less judgemental of people's lives and situations and...

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Please Sign and Date

Please Sign and Date

Well the past two weeks I have been absent from blog writing. The first anniversary of Tin’s passing was quickly approaching and I honestly was scared. Scared to think about it. Scared to talk about...

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The Changing of the Guards

The Changing of the Guards

I did it. Maybe I didn’t outwardly realize I was doing it but I did it. I ignored the rising flood.For the past week I have made myself more and more busy. I have extended myself to help others beyond...

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Soaring Spirits Interational

Soaring Spirits Interational

Soaring Spirits builds community. We create, and maintain, innovative peer-based grief support programs for widowed men and women that serve a worldwide population. Based on the powerful connections created by shared experience, we endeavor to ensure that no one need grieve alone.

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The Pain and Possibilities of “Yes”

The Pain and Possibilities of “Yes”

The first thing I learned to do when Clayton passed away was say “No”. I said no to getting out of bed, no to eating, no to showering, no to the gym. No was the safest place I could hide myself. Saying...

Read More

Love of My Life

Love of My Life

After a lot of reflection, I finally understood  and realized that I was left to minister myself the love Mike can no longer physically and emotionally provide to me.  When you are widowed,  you are...

Read More

On Love and Risk

On Love and Risk

Main image from the LA Times, July 2020 Remember when, back in the 1980s, just as we were getting sexually active (if you’re my age), and AIDS hit….? There were all those adverts, in the UK at least,...

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The Dance

The Dance

Today marks exactly one month since Mike and I went to the courthouse and got married. Since that day, we’ve gone on a short honeymoon, and a short family trip with Shelby, both trips on the road, in...

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Facing Death, Embracing Life

Facing Death, Embracing Life

My beautiful friend Joan, one of the very very very few people who has (a) consistently been present, (b) more or less accessible, and (c) capable of sitting with and exploring whatever colour and shade...

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Widowed and Newly Married

Widowed and Newly Married

Well, it happened! This past week, Mike and I went to the courthouse and stood with a judge, said our vows, and got married. It wasn’t the big wedding with all our friends and family like we imagined...

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Milestones and Rememberances

Milestones and Rememberances

I think it’s important to share not just the parts of my life that are affected by being widowed, but also the parts that are affected by having lost my mother as a child, and also my father in my late...

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Apologies

Apologies

I am writing this not just because I have not written for a few weeks. I am also writing it as a sort of apology.These last few weeks have been extremely challenging for me. As a solo parent, entrepreneur...

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Life, After

Life, After

Images from internet searches for Netflix’s “After Life” Sometime after Mike died – perhaps a matter of months – Megan came to me and said, “Muuuuum – my Netflix account isn’t...

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Beginnings and Endings

Beginnings and Endings

I can’t deny that really, since Drew died, life has just never gotten back to being “easy” or “effortless” in the way it was back before he died. Of course, I don’t ever remember anyone saying...

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Love Threading Through My Week

Love Threading Through My Week

Today’s – no – this week’s – topic is Love. As I sit and reflect on what to write about, as with last week, there seems to be lots of different topics. All interesting at some level, but not...

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Living in an Asteroid Field

Living in an Asteroid Field

I have so much fear of becoming widowed again. Some days, that fear is louder than others… like anticipating my own personal asteroid out there that is going to crash into me on some unknown date in...

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The Pain and Possibilities of “Yes”

The Pain and Possibilities of “Yes”

The first thing I learned to do when Clayton passed away was say “No”. I said no to getting out of bed, no to eating, no to showering, no to the gym. No was the safest place I could hide myself. Saying...

Read More

Undoing~

Undoing~

The holidays. Sometimes “The Holidays”. Tra la la la la. In the midst of grief, the words loom large. They loom large even when it isn’t about intense grief but just…eh. THE HOLIDAYS...

Read More

My Veteran~

My Veteran~

I was born into a military family. My dad was career Army, a West Point graduate. Two of my brothers served in the Navy and the Marines, respectively. A good part of my growing up years were spent on military...

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Fall

Fall

Each year, I feel myself falter and fall when the leaves change color because I know that Mike's death date is looming large.   Thankfully, over the years, I have learned to trust that I can and I will...

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Tears of A Clown

Tears of A Clown

It’s Halloween again. I used to mark my year’s passing by holidays and life events. Now that Clayton is gone, my year is filled with reminders written in grief across the days, weeks, months and seasons...

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I want MIKE!

I want MIKE!

I am just back from a brave week of open water swimming in the waters of the La Maddalena Archipelago, off the north-east coast of Sardinia. Brave because it’s the end of summer – indeed early autumn...

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Grief’s Rewinding

Grief’s Rewinding

It has been 866 days since Clayton past away, 867 days since I said “I love you” and kissed him on the forehead for the last time. Those first few days after he died felt like years. Every minute was...

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Nice enough. Just not “right”

Nice enough. Just not “right”

View of “Le Canigou” – the Pyrenees’ highest mountain – from my parents’ house, after a summer storm 3 August 2020 We have been on holiday now for a “fat” week...

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Incongruities of a Summer’s Day

Incongruities of a Summer’s Day

Just like I always feel a twinge of glee on 21st December (we have reached the shortest and darkest 24-hour period in the Northern Hemisphere – yippee!), I also feel a twinge of sadness on 21st June...

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Multiple Versions of Mother’s Day

Multiple Versions of Mother’s Day

Today, as I write, Sunday 10th May 2020, it is Mother’s Day in North America. And, closer to home, in Switzerland too. The day during which, in former times, people congratulate mothers on being mothers...

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Double Duty

Double Duty

When he died, he was in the processing of teaching the boys how to do many of these tasks. Mike thought he had time. And, then time ran out. Death robbed us overnight. And, I find this ironic because Mike...

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Mothers’ Day

Mothers’ Day

This is the sixth Mother’s day since Megan’s death.  Shelby is now starting to actually outgrow her mother’s shoes, and she’s almost as tall at 13 as Megan was at 33.  She looks like her.  A...

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Camp Widow®

Camp Widow®

Camp Widow® is a unique and incredible experience. This program provides both practical tools and relevant resources for widowed persons rebuilding their lives in the aftermath of the death of a spouse or partner.

More Info

The Pain and Possibilities of “Yes”

The Pain and Possibilities of “Yes”

The first thing I learned to do when Clayton passed away was say “No”. I said no to getting out of bed, no to eating, no to showering, no to the gym. No was the safest place I could hide myself. Saying...

Read More

Thankful and Grateful

Thankful and Grateful

It is my hope that one day, in the very-distant future, I will look back and see how far I have come and be proud of myself and my resilience. And when it comes time to close my eyes for the last time,...

Read More

Undoing~

Undoing~

The holidays. Sometimes “The Holidays”. Tra la la la la. In the midst of grief, the words loom large. They loom large even when it isn’t about intense grief but just…eh. THE HOLIDAYS...

Read More

Love of My Life

Love of My Life

After a lot of reflection, I finally understood  and realized that I was left to minister myself the love Mike can no longer physically and emotionally provide to me.  When you are widowed,  you are...

Read More

Faith In Fingerprints 

Faith In Fingerprints 

Since Tin’s passing, many have said he is with me, many have said he’s moving things in and out of my path to help make things easier and more successful for me. On many occasions, I have found pennies,...

Read More

What I’ve Been~

What I’ve Been~

In my life I’ve been quiet and loud Still and vibrant Strong and vulnerable Smiled and cried I’ve been a Highland dancer A belly dancer And a hoop dancer There was so much joy in me As I danced...

Read More

What I Wouldn’t Give

What I Wouldn’t Give

Today is one of those days where Julia’s death, the reality of it, gets through to me… just a little bit more. Despite it always being present, always heavy in my heart, wearisome in my lungs,...

Read More

Four Years Without Him…

Four Years Without Him…

It has been hard, but I  have accepted that there is no returning to who I was.  In the fifth year of widowhood that is before me, I will try to focus on who I am becoming.  I will continue recreating...

Read More

Seeds of Hope in the Unknown

Seeds of Hope in the Unknown

On days when all this unknown feels scary… I look for hope in the smallest places and I let it grow in my heart. Because I find that hope very quickly grows into faith and trust that even the unknowns...

Read More

Champagne Dreams and Lost Love Legacies

Champagne Dreams and Lost Love Legacies

Yesterday was my 42nd birthday. I’m unbelievably grateful for the outpouring of celebration especially on social media where so many of us are finding community during a pandemic. I decided that the...

Read More

Asking For Help

Asking For Help

Why can’t we ask for help?

Why are we—the collective we, men and women, widowed and non-widowed—so reticent to ask for help when we need it? I mean truly ask. I’m not talking about simply asking...

Read More

My Veteran~

My Veteran~

I was born into a military family. My dad was career Army, a West Point graduate. Two of my brothers served in the Navy and the Marines, respectively. A good part of my growing up years were spent on military...

Read More

Love of My Life

Love of My Life

After a lot of reflection, I finally understood  and realized that I was left to minister myself the love Mike can no longer physically and emotionally provide to me.  When you are widowed,  you are...

Read More

Four Years Without Him…

Four Years Without Him…

It has been hard, but I  have accepted that there is no returning to who I was.  In the fifth year of widowhood that is before me, I will try to focus on who I am becoming.  I will continue recreating...

Read More

Champagne Dreams and Lost Love Legacies

Champagne Dreams and Lost Love Legacies

Yesterday was my 42nd birthday. I’m unbelievably grateful for the outpouring of celebration especially on social media where so many of us are finding community during a pandemic. I decided that the...

Read More

Fall

Fall

Each year, I feel myself falter and fall when the leaves change color because I know that Mike's death date is looming large.   Thankfully, over the years, I have learned to trust that I can and I will...

Read More

42 Moons

42 Moons

Main picture by Mark Tegethoff on Unsplash I have long had an uncanny ability to work out time zones (what time is it right now in Sydney where they are 8 hours ahead? Or in Minneapolis which is 7 hours...

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Return To Me

Return To Me

Today, I find myself in Texas near Houston. A speaking engagement planned almost a year ago. It has been a long time since I have been able to travel, speak and feel the energy in a room of people. This...

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The Rebranding of a Life…

The Rebranding of a Life…

Life is for the living. 

Mike had his life. 

And, now I need to focus on mine. 

Only he died in 2016.

It would be a tragedy if I buried myself too. 

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Grief’s Rewinding

Grief’s Rewinding

It has been 866 days since Clayton past away, 867 days since I said “I love you” and kissed him on the forehead for the last time. Those first few days after he died felt like years. Every minute was...

Read More

731 Days

731 Days

Two years ago today, the light of my life went out. It was the day that Suzanne left this earthly realm and became universal energy. Today is the second anniversary of her death and at this very moment,...

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Our Third Wedding Anniversary…

Our Third Wedding Anniversary…

When I think about our Wedding Anniversary I feel a bunch of nothing really.  Where there should be joy and happiness there is just a huge void.  Where there should be happy memories of "the best day...

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Twenty Five

Twenty Five

Twenty five. Twenty-five years. Next week. We only made it twenty-three years, two weeks and one day. Suzanne died on August 19, 2018. Our 23rd anniversary was August 4, 2018. This was a photo we took...

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Wrapping Loss in Love

Wrapping Loss in Love

Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash I spend a lot of my time reading about death, dying, and grieving, participating in webinars and holding space sessions with grief experts, people who’ve developed wise...

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The Widowed Resilience Scale

The Widowed Resilience Scale

Resilience is defined as the ability to ‘bounce back’ or recover from a traumatic life event or circumstance. According to the Holmes and Rahe Social Readjustment Scale widowhood rates as one of life’s most challenging experiences. This fact has driven the desire to study resilience in widowhood and identify the ways in which resilience can be built in men and women who have experienced conjugal loss.

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Featured Author

Meet this weeks Widow's Voice author.

Emma Pearson

Emma Pearson

My life is a whirling mix of swishy strands, dark and glowing brightly, rough and silky smooth – all attempting to be seen, felt and integrated at once. Here are some of my themes.

I am British

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