New Posts

Decluttering

Decluttering

Today, I spent part of my day decluttering the kitchen and reorganizing my toolboxes. It was a bit cathartic. I threw a load of things out. And it got me thinking about how cluttered I have been feeling...

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Shared Hugs~

Shared Hugs~

His hugs. I felt them through my entire body. In our early days together, it was my hugs to him as he returned from deployment. We generally never had an opportunity for farewell hugs. Only words if he...

Read More

Yes, I know David Bowie died five years ago…

Yes, I know David Bowie died five years ago…

Main picture taken in 1973, perhaps 1974, when we had just moved to Brussels ….and so did my brother Edward. I also know that this is a blogsite for widows, and I am widowed. But in addition to losing...

Read More

By Heart…

By Heart…

This week's writing will begin with part of the first blog I ever wrote and it will end with an update and my reflections on the three years that have past since.  I wrote, "Who Am I ?" on December  11,...

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Food Grief

Food Grief

I have a personal blog and I wrote about the topic of food and cooking in October 2019. I decided to revisit it and update it as some time has passed, but similar feelings remain. I follow several grief-related...

Read More

The Upside Down

The Upside Down

I have always had trouble when I’m told that there is no way out and no solution to things. Apparently, looking back at my writing, that fact holds true even in loss and grief. I didn’t realize at...

Read More

Am I Crazy?

Am I Crazy?

The process of dealing with my grief as it came in its rawest form was difficult to say the least. To overcome it - to move beyond that state of deepest grief - means we have to experience our grief. It...

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These Words~

These Words~

You are alive. You are whole. I say these words in my head so that I might hear them in my heart. Chuck didn’t say these words to me, but he very easily could have. No, I read these words in a book...

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Wise and Kind Babes

Wise and Kind Babes

There has been a recurring question asked of me these past 18 months or so, which is both the time since Julia died, and also the time since I have (formally) been in a relationship. Oddly the question...

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Unfold

Unfold

I am working fiercely to own my worth.  I recognize that Self Love is where the power is.  For me to launch myself more fully into the life I desire,  I need to absolutely love the woman I am becoming. ...

Read More

A Widow’s 2020 Reflection

A Widow’s 2020 Reflection

I am still wrapping my head around the new year…2020 felt so long, but then again it went by so fast somehow. Since mid-March when COVID-19 became an everyday reality for us in the U.S., I have been...

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The Letting Go of Leaving

The Letting Go of Leaving

I have had an amazing time the past week with my family. A much needed reconnect. The interesting theme was everyone’s “sorry”. “Sorry we can’t visit.” “Sorry there is nothing to do.” “Sorry...

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Newly Widowed

This Particular and Peculiar Sense of Non-being (Reboot)

This Particular and Peculiar Sense of Non-being (Reboot)

Alison is on the road this week and won’t have access to internet so we’ve chosen this post from 2017 to share with you until she returns next week.  Enjoy! There is a particular and peculiar...

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Arriving in Community

Arriving in Community

Until last Saturday, I had never been to a Camp Widow event. I watched as a team of dedicated, compassionate and talented people created a space for the LGBTQ widowed. Held at the beautiful Los Angeles...

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Nightmares Now and Then

Nightmares Now and Then

I’ve had some really weird and disturbing dreams the past week. The sort of dreams that don’t really relate to anything in my actual life but have lots of very stressful or strange things going on...

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Understanding “Freedom”

Understanding “Freedom”

The Fourth of July - All things summer right? It’s cookouts, pool, family, sunscreen and fireworks. All the freedoms you get living in the good ole USA. It’s funny how the word freedom is used. By...

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The Scariest Part of Surgery

The Scariest Part of Surgery

This blog will be short because I had a lasik procedure this week and my eyes get tired quickly.I’ve never been one to be comfortable with eye stuff. I hate eye drops and the thought of contact lenses...

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Defiantly Defined

Defiantly Defined

So this blog is a bit different than I usually write. This week I’ve been obsessed with terminology. Have you ever stopped for a minute and thought about words? Where did they come from? How they got...

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What Lies Within

What Lies Within

It’s an interesting thing how people around you say they understand and they will be there for you. However when you have a tough day and they respond by saying: “I thought you said you were ok and...

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Baggage

Baggage

When I began my life without Mike 2.5 years ago, I felt like I landed in a foreign country and I could not speak the language.  There was a sense that I was standing helplessly in the baggage claims area. ...

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Call Me Anytime

Call Me Anytime

I watched the first episode of a new show on Netflix this morning called Dead to Me. In the episode, two women meet at a grief group, both widows. They end up building a new friendship as late night phone...

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Small Screen Surprises

Small Screen Surprises

I had my sister and a friend in town this past week and it was wonderful. We had a great time relaxing and just enjoying each others’ company.  All of us are working a side business together with a...

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Things That Matter

Things That Matter

Since becoming an involentary widow almost 8 years ago, I have changed in many positive ways.  I am more empathetic.  I am more sympathetic.  I am less judgemental of people's lives and situations and...

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Please Sign and Date

Please Sign and Date

Well the past two weeks I have been absent from blog writing. The first anniversary of Tin’s passing was quickly approaching and I honestly was scared. Scared to think about it. Scared to talk about...

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Soaring Spirits Interational

Soaring Spirits Interational

Soaring Spirits builds community. We create, and maintain, innovative peer-based grief support programs for widowed men and women that serve a worldwide population. Based on the powerful connections created by shared experience, we endeavor to ensure that no one need grieve alone.

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Wise and Kind Babes

Wise and Kind Babes

There has been a recurring question asked of me these past 18 months or so, which is both the time since Julia died, and also the time since I have (formally) been in a relationship. Oddly the question...

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Shattered Christmases

Shattered Christmases

Weird shit happens at this time of year. Weird shit gets said at this time of year too. It feels like it is just a stream of obscene extremes. So many types of polarities and tensions, to hold and somehow...

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The Pain and Possibilities of “Yes”

The Pain and Possibilities of “Yes”

The first thing I learned to do when Clayton passed away was say “No”. I said no to getting out of bed, no to eating, no to showering, no to the gym. No was the safest place I could hide myself. Saying...

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Love of My Life

Love of My Life

After a lot of reflection, I finally understood  and realized that I was left to minister myself the love Mike can no longer physically and emotionally provide to me.  When you are widowed,  you are...

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On Love and Risk

On Love and Risk

Main image from the LA Times, July 2020 Remember when, back in the 1980s, just as we were getting sexually active (if you’re my age), and AIDS hit….? There were all those adverts, in the UK at least,...

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The Dance

The Dance

Today marks exactly one month since Mike and I went to the courthouse and got married. Since that day, we’ve gone on a short honeymoon, and a short family trip with Shelby, both trips on the road, in...

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Facing Death, Embracing Life

Facing Death, Embracing Life

My beautiful friend Joan, one of the very very very few people who has (a) consistently been present, (b) more or less accessible, and (c) capable of sitting with and exploring whatever colour and shade...

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Widowed and Newly Married

Widowed and Newly Married

Well, it happened! This past week, Mike and I went to the courthouse and stood with a judge, said our vows, and got married. It wasn’t the big wedding with all our friends and family like we imagined...

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Milestones and Rememberances

Milestones and Rememberances

I think it’s important to share not just the parts of my life that are affected by being widowed, but also the parts that are affected by having lost my mother as a child, and also my father in my late...

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Apologies

Apologies

I am writing this not just because I have not written for a few weeks. I am also writing it as a sort of apology.These last few weeks have been extremely challenging for me. As a solo parent, entrepreneur...

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Life, After

Life, After

Images from internet searches for Netflix’s “After Life” Sometime after Mike died – perhaps a matter of months – Megan came to me and said, “Muuuuum – my Netflix account isn’t...

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Beginnings and Endings

Beginnings and Endings

I can’t deny that really, since Drew died, life has just never gotten back to being “easy” or “effortless” in the way it was back before he died. Of course, I don’t ever remember anyone saying...

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Wise and Kind Babes

Wise and Kind Babes

There has been a recurring question asked of me these past 18 months or so, which is both the time since Julia died, and also the time since I have (formally) been in a relationship. Oddly the question...

Read More

Shattered Christmases

Shattered Christmases

Weird shit happens at this time of year. Weird shit gets said at this time of year too. It feels like it is just a stream of obscene extremes. So many types of polarities and tensions, to hold and somehow...

Read More

The Day After

The Day After

The day after your diagnosis. The day after our last holidays. The day after your death. The day after all of the “firsts” without you. The day after all the seconds, thirds, fourth, fifths, sixth...

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It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas (for real)

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas (for real)

For me, this Christmas, and always, I choose to focus on the LOVE and not the loss. This makes all the difference for me.

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Bitter, Bland and Forgotten Flavors

Bitter, Bland and Forgotten Flavors

This year has been nothing less than bipolar. Severe ups, downs, twists and turns I could never expect. Year 1 and 2, I could keep busy, keep moving and face the loss of Clayton when I wanted too. Now,...

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Present  (The update 2020)

Present (The update 2020)

I feel his absence in my psyche. Mike was my person and now I wander through life while part of my Soul is elsewhere. My goal is to become more present in my life. I want to hold steady here in the world...

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Season of Hope…

Season of Hope…

As my grief continues to evolve, I carefully consider who I am today.  And, I recognize and accept that both potential and lost possibilities coexist in me.  This duality is one of the hallmarks of widowhood. ...

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The Pain and Possibilities of “Yes”

The Pain and Possibilities of “Yes”

The first thing I learned to do when Clayton passed away was say “No”. I said no to getting out of bed, no to eating, no to showering, no to the gym. No was the safest place I could hide myself. Saying...

Read More

Undoing~

Undoing~

The holidays. Sometimes “The Holidays”. Tra la la la la. In the midst of grief, the words loom large. They loom large even when it isn’t about intense grief but just…eh. THE HOLIDAYS...

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My Veteran~

My Veteran~

I was born into a military family. My dad was career Army, a West Point graduate. Two of my brothers served in the Navy and the Marines, respectively. A good part of my growing up years were spent on military...

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Fall

Fall

Each year, I feel myself falter and fall when the leaves change color because I know that Mike's death date is looming large.   Thankfully, over the years, I have learned to trust that I can and I will...

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Tears of A Clown

Tears of A Clown

It’s Halloween again. I used to mark my year’s passing by holidays and life events. Now that Clayton is gone, my year is filled with reminders written in grief across the days, weeks, months and seasons...

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Camp Widow®

Camp Widow®

Camp Widow® is a unique and incredible experience. This program provides both practical tools and relevant resources for widowed persons rebuilding their lives in the aftermath of the death of a spouse or partner.

More Info

Shared Hugs~

Shared Hugs~

His hugs. I felt them through my entire body. In our early days together, it was my hugs to him as he returned from deployment. We generally never had an opportunity for farewell hugs. Only words if he...

Read More

By Heart…

By Heart…

This week's writing will begin with part of the first blog I ever wrote and it will end with an update and my reflections on the three years that have past since.  I wrote, "Who Am I ?" on December  11,...

Read More

Food Grief

Food Grief

I have a personal blog and I wrote about the topic of food and cooking in October 2019. I decided to revisit it and update it as some time has passed, but similar feelings remain. I follow several grief-related...

Read More

The Upside Down

The Upside Down

I have always had trouble when I’m told that there is no way out and no solution to things. Apparently, looking back at my writing, that fact holds true even in loss and grief. I didn’t realize at...

Read More

Am I Crazy?

Am I Crazy?

The process of dealing with my grief as it came in its rawest form was difficult to say the least. To overcome it - to move beyond that state of deepest grief - means we have to experience our grief. It...

Read More

These Words~

These Words~

You are alive. You are whole. I say these words in my head so that I might hear them in my heart. Chuck didn’t say these words to me, but he very easily could have. No, I read these words in a book...

Read More

Wise and Kind Babes

Wise and Kind Babes

There has been a recurring question asked of me these past 18 months or so, which is both the time since Julia died, and also the time since I have (formally) been in a relationship. Oddly the question...

Read More

Unfold

Unfold

I am working fiercely to own my worth.  I recognize that Self Love is where the power is.  For me to launch myself more fully into the life I desire,  I need to absolutely love the woman I am becoming. ...

Read More

A Widow’s 2020 Reflection

A Widow’s 2020 Reflection

I am still wrapping my head around the new year…2020 felt so long, but then again it went by so fast somehow. Since mid-March when COVID-19 became an everyday reality for us in the U.S., I have been...

Read More

The Letting Go of Leaving

The Letting Go of Leaving

I have had an amazing time the past week with my family. A much needed reconnect. The interesting theme was everyone’s “sorry”. “Sorry we can’t visit.” “Sorry there is nothing to do.” “Sorry...

Read More

Resilience (Part 2) – Building Resilience

Resilience (Part 2) – Building Resilience

In my last blog, I talked about what resilience means, and how I define the three kinds of resilience. In this instalment, let's take a little time to learn about how we can start to build resilience...

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You are part of me.

You are part of me.

Dear Boris, I heard somewhere that all of our cells regenerate every 7 years. I think fellow widow Nora McInerny may have said it. [I did a quick Google search on this fact and spent about 3 minutes looking...

Read More

Yes, I know David Bowie died five years ago…

Yes, I know David Bowie died five years ago…

Main picture taken in 1973, perhaps 1974, when we had just moved to Brussels ….and so did my brother Edward. I also know that this is a blogsite for widows, and I am widowed. But in addition to losing...

Read More

By Heart…

By Heart…

This week's writing will begin with part of the first blog I ever wrote and it will end with an update and my reflections on the three years that have past since.  I wrote, "Who Am I ?" on December  11,...

Read More

Today, I have lived 19,615 days

Today, I have lived 19,615 days

Main image by Jonathan Chng on Unsplash 8th December 2020  Today I have lived 19,615 days Today, 8th December 2020, I am the exact age, to the day, that Mike was when he died Mike was born on 27th July...

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Love of My Life

Love of My Life

After a lot of reflection, I finally understood  and realized that I was left to minister myself the love Mike can no longer physically and emotionally provide to me.  When you are widowed,  you are...

Read More

Four Years Without Him…

Four Years Without Him…

It has been hard, but I  have accepted that there is no returning to who I was.  In the fifth year of widowhood that is before me, I will try to focus on who I am becoming.  I will continue recreating...

Read More

Champagne Dreams and Lost Love Legacies

Champagne Dreams and Lost Love Legacies

Yesterday was my 42nd birthday. I’m unbelievably grateful for the outpouring of celebration especially on social media where so many of us are finding community during a pandemic. I decided that the...

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Fall

Fall

Each year, I feel myself falter and fall when the leaves change color because I know that Mike's death date is looming large.   Thankfully, over the years, I have learned to trust that I can and I will...

Read More

42 Moons

42 Moons

Main picture by Mark Tegethoff on Unsplash I have long had an uncanny ability to work out time zones (what time is it right now in Sydney where they are 8 hours ahead? Or in Minneapolis which is 7 hours...

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Return To Me

Return To Me

Today, I find myself in Texas near Houston. A speaking engagement planned almost a year ago. It has been a long time since I have been able to travel, speak and feel the energy in a room of people. This...

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The Rebranding of a Life…

The Rebranding of a Life…

Life is for the living. 

Mike had his life. 

And, now I need to focus on mine. 

Only he died in 2016.

It would be a tragedy if I buried myself too. 

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Grief’s Rewinding

Grief’s Rewinding

It has been 866 days since Clayton past away, 867 days since I said “I love you” and kissed him on the forehead for the last time. Those first few days after he died felt like years. Every minute was...

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731 Days

731 Days

Two years ago today, the light of my life went out. It was the day that Suzanne left this earthly realm and became universal energy. Today is the second anniversary of her death and at this very moment,...

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The Widowed Resilience Scale

The Widowed Resilience Scale

Resilience is defined as the ability to ‘bounce back’ or recover from a traumatic life event or circumstance. According to the Holmes and Rahe Social Readjustment Scale widowhood rates as one of life’s most challenging experiences. This fact has driven the desire to study resilience in widowhood and identify the ways in which resilience can be built in men and women who have experienced conjugal loss.

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Featured Author

Meet this weeks Widow's Voice author.

Emma Pearson

Emma Pearson

My life is a whirling mix of swishy strands, dark and glowing brightly, rough and silky smooth – all attempting to be seen, felt and integrated at once. Here are some of my themes.

I am British

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