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Fun in Funeral?

Fun in Funeral?

I booked the flight for Clayton’s funeral last night. It’s bothering me because a funeral isn’t supposed to be 4 years after someone passes. The celebration of life we had originally planned was...

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Summer Solstice

Summer Solstice

Summer solstice.          Winter solstice. The longest and shortest days of the year in the northern hemisphere. When I imagine the four seasons, I often will envision the face of a round clock, Summer...

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THINKING ABOUT

THINKING ABOUT

BRAVERY What does it mean to be brave? Definition of bravery 1 : the quality or state of having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty : the quality or state of being...

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Comfortably Run

Comfortably Run

Edward’s 53rd Birthday Comfortably run. No, not a typo.  Simply a not particularly brilliant nod to Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb”. I do indeed mean that I am comfortably run. By a 10 km road...

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Widowed Reading

Widowed Reading

As an adult, I have always been an avid reader. I started a book club in 2012 that met monthly for a solid 7 years. My friends would tease me that any books they picked I’d already read. This was always...

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The Department of Care-Griever Collections (DCGC)

The Department of Care-Griever Collections (DCGC)

I’ve brought up some of the ins and outs of being a care-griever. I can’t speak to the emotions that come with sudden loss but I can speak about the experience watching someone you love slowly fade...

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I should have done more.

I should have done more.

**This post contains discussion of suicide and seeking mental health treatment for suicidal ideation.  Some background: before Boris died by suicide, he was hospitalized three different times. Two times...

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Route 66

Route 66

After this past Winter I have resolved that next year, I am getting out of Dodge. It is not merely the frequent snowstorms, or the relentless cold, or the shearing wind, or the constant overcast skies...

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Exploring

Exploring

The Puzzle of Time Sitting at my desk, on May 17th (a Tuesday) at 8:48 pm Pacific Standard Time. The day flew by with little to count for it. Tomorrow we are mid-week as another week flies by. Time . ...

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I Still Can’t Much Do Groups

I Still Can’t Much Do Groups

Main image by Duy Pham on Unsplash I am coming to the end of a lovely short week’s holiday in Mallorca, taking part in an open water swimming camp, geared around being able to swim 10km in “event”...

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Too Stubborn

Too Stubborn

This week I was reminded of just how stubborn I can be. On Thursday, May 5th, I stepped wrong on an uneven sidewalk and went down hard, presumably twisting my ankle. No one saw it and I sat there a good...

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A Frightening Game

A Frightening Game

I think it is important to continue to evaluate your emotions as you travel further forward into the future leaving behind that milestone marked as your new start – AL (After Loss). We categorize...

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Newly Widowed

THINKING ABOUT

THINKING ABOUT

BRAVERY What does it mean to be brave? Definition of bravery 1 : the quality or state of having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty : the quality or state of being...

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Exploring

Exploring

The Puzzle of Time Sitting at my desk, on May 17th (a Tuesday) at 8:48 pm Pacific Standard Time. The day flew by with little to count for it. Tomorrow we are mid-week as another week flies by. Time . ...

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My Love . . .

My Love . . .

. . as you know, today is my birthday This is seventy. I’ll be back here after my whaling day. Hoping to see signs of you, but even if I do not . . . I know you are near. I know you are always...

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Five Things You MIGHT Experience After

Five Things You MIGHT Experience After

The Funeral 1. Relief In thinking about having a funeral one year after my beloved husband died, many doubts arose. How could we gather friends and family after this much time passed? Would anyone come...

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Looking Forwards and Backwards

Looking Forwards and Backwards

This weekend was a swirl of activities with soccer games, Easter and my oldest son turning 13. I didn’t have much time to look forward. So now it is Monday morning, and I am entering this week with trepidation...

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He Used to Say . . .

He Used to Say . . .

We Were His Only Need He used to say that his heart would take him in the end, that husband of mine—the brave hearted man, father and mentor, friend to many; he used to say that we were all that...

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ONE WIDOW’s ABC’s

ONE WIDOW’s ABC’s

FROM THE CAMP WIDOW EXPERIENCE A – ALLOWING myself to need help was harder to do than one might think. It allowed me to receive. B – BY the time I arrived at my second camp, it was not long...

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Because…April…

Because…April…

This week I turned the calendar to April and that means I’m facing a list of lasts we shared with Tony.   The last time his closest friend came over to share a whiskey. The last Friday night steak...

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Back in the Office

Back in the Office

I went back into my office this week for a meeting and to work for a few hours. It was the first time I have been in the building to do actual work since March 12, 2020. In early 2021, I did go in to pack...

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Sadness and Joy . . .

Sadness and Joy . . .

. . side by side: Camp Widow! It is freeing to be in a space where your sadness is welcome—embraced!—and joy sneaks past all the barriers we have created to keep it away. This is Camp Widow...

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Shamrock Reflections

Shamrock Reflections

When you pick your wedding date, you never imagine that day could one day bring heartache. All the focus is on the celebration and the happy life you are building together. It never even crosses your mind...

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Shout out to . . .

Shout out to . . .

Soaring Spirits Bloggers . . . and YOU! Recently I read Widow’s Voice blogger Stacy Sulin’s sweet farewell blog and felt guilty when I read that for the past five years she wrote the blog every...

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Soaring Spirits Interational

Soaring Spirits Interational

Soaring Spirits builds community. We create, and maintain, innovative peer-based grief support programs for widowed men and women that serve a worldwide population. Based on the powerful connections created by shared experience, we endeavor to ensure that no one need grieve alone.

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Comfortably Run

Comfortably Run

Edward’s 53rd Birthday Comfortably run. No, not a typo.  Simply a not particularly brilliant nod to Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb”. I do indeed mean that I am comfortably run. By a 10 km road...

Read More

Route 66

Route 66

After this past Winter I have resolved that next year, I am getting out of Dodge. It is not merely the frequent snowstorms, or the relentless cold, or the shearing wind, or the constant overcast skies...

Read More

Deeply, Genuinely Happy

Deeply, Genuinely Happy

Main image by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash It’s not the kind of thing that we go around saying, is it? At least not the Brits. At least not most Western Europeans. And at least not on a regular, ongoing...

Read More

Widowed Whiplash

Widowed Whiplash

I haven’t had much downtime lately. Life is just moving at a very rapid pace and yesterday my body decided we were in desperate need of a red light and slammed on the brakes. I was at work feeling sluggish...

Read More

Humdrum and Bittersweet

Humdrum and Bittersweet

Image by Robin Lyon on Unsplash As I reflect on what to write about this weekend – which is what I do when nothing immediately springs out at me – it’s about how used I have become to having complexity...

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Birthdays and Earth Days

Birthdays and Earth Days

Main image by Casey Horner on Unsplash. Other pictures my own, unless stated I don’t know why it is, but I have always felt I have disproportionately more Aries, Taurus and Gemini friends than from other...

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From My Present to My Past

From My Present to My Past

Dear Bryan, I’m imagining today that I am able to write to you in our past to give you a glimmer of hope. Where you are at the start of this widowed journey is not where you are forever trapped. I’ll...

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Forever Young

Forever Young

Main image by Angello Pro on Unsplash Today is not only Easter Day. It’s also our lovely Megan’s 21st birthday. Her sixth birthday without her father. Her 16th birthday was just nine days after her...

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Invisible Grief Analysis in the Cinema

Invisible Grief Analysis in the Cinema

Image by Kyle Head on Unsplash One of the independent cinemas I go to has a wonderful range of premieres, at which any combination of the film director, producer, key actors, etc, are present afterwards...

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Another STep Upwards on this Grief Grise

Another STep Upwards on this Grief Grise

The thing about a grief journey is that it’s never over. Every step you take onward and upward holds an emotional echo. Some days it’s constantly ringing in your ear and other times it a distant whisper...

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Checking All The Boxes

Checking All The Boxes

Robyn and I had landed home following our recent trip to Kauai, Hawaii, and I was on the train to the central city where I live. My mind was still flashing to tropical images, but these were images of...

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Our Stories

Our Stories

I eagerly read the weekly postings of my fellow authors on this site.  In the past week, for example, one writer bid a hopeful adieu to her readers, announcing that she is ready to resume living forward;...

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THINKING ABOUT

THINKING ABOUT

BRAVERY What does it mean to be brave? Definition of bravery 1 : the quality or state of having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty : the quality or state of being...

Read More

I Still Can’t Much Do Groups

I Still Can’t Much Do Groups

Main image by Duy Pham on Unsplash I am coming to the end of a lovely short week’s holiday in Mallorca, taking part in an open water swimming camp, geared around being able to swim 10km in “event”...

Read More

Teaching Gifting

Teaching Gifting

This was my second Mother’s Day as a solo parent, and I found it didn’t have the same rawness as last year when I was weeks into mourning. I found myself able to smile more and enjoy our families...

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Homesickness

Homesickness

Main image by Rowan Heuvel on Unsplash In English, when we miss our homeland, we say, “I feel homesick”. In French, when we miss our homeland, we say, “J’ai le mal du pays”. Close enough, but...

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Shamrock Reflections

Shamrock Reflections

When you pick your wedding date, you never imagine that day could one day bring heartache. All the focus is on the celebration and the happy life you are building together. It never even crosses your mind...

Read More

My Widow Mantra

My Widow Mantra

I was going to start with an introduction post as my first post, but I think you’ll get to know me in time. Plus, I don’t think I can write a full-on intro post without it feeling like I’m writing...

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Sharing A Smile

Sharing A Smile

I miss his smile. It was a gift he had share with me to hold in my memories. It’s been almost four years since I saw him smile in person. Sometimes I forget to remember those moments because he was so...

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Happy Trails

Happy Trails

Socks. Check! Clean underwear. Check! Toothbrush. Check! Covid vaccination card. Check! I am looking over my king size bed, which at this moment is completely covered by a wide assortment of travel items,...

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Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright . . .

Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright . . .

. . in the 2022 Lunar New Year The float makers in Singapore made a family of Tigers to represent the Year of the Tiger this year. That way all those born in the year of the Tiger are represented, no...

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One of the Best Things

One of the Best Things

Photos my own these past days So Christmas and New Year have been okay. Better than okay. Moments that were really hard, of course; but more moments that have been really enjoyable. Ben and Megan came...

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“Happy” New Year?

“Happy” New Year?

Well, somehow tomorrow marks a new year. If I am being honest, I do not feel cheery or happy with the ring of the new year. I feel like 2021 was just a year of surviving and getting by. My dad’s...

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A Very Covid Christmas

A Very Covid Christmas

I celebrated Thanksgiving with Robyn and her brood, but assured Lee’s brother, Paul, that I would be celebrating Christmas with him and his family.  Neither Robyn nor I celebrate Christmas as a matter...

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Camp Widow®

Camp Widow®

Camp Widow® is a unique and incredible experience. This program provides both practical tools and relevant resources for widowed persons rebuilding their lives in the aftermath of the death of a spouse or partner.

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Fun in Funeral?

Fun in Funeral?

I booked the flight for Clayton’s funeral last night. It’s bothering me because a funeral isn’t supposed to be 4 years after someone passes. The celebration of life we had originally planned was...

Read More

Summer Solstice

Summer Solstice

Summer solstice.          Winter solstice. The longest and shortest days of the year in the northern hemisphere. When I imagine the four seasons, I often will envision the face of a round clock, Summer...

Read More

THINKING ABOUT

THINKING ABOUT

BRAVERY What does it mean to be brave? Definition of bravery 1 : the quality or state of having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty : the quality or state of being...

Read More

Comfortably Run

Comfortably Run

Edward’s 53rd Birthday Comfortably run. No, not a typo.  Simply a not particularly brilliant nod to Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb”. I do indeed mean that I am comfortably run. By a 10 km road...

Read More

The Department of Care-Griever Collections (DCGC)

The Department of Care-Griever Collections (DCGC)

I’ve brought up some of the ins and outs of being a care-griever. I can’t speak to the emotions that come with sudden loss but I can speak about the experience watching someone you love slowly fade...

Read More

Too Stubborn

Too Stubborn

This week I was reminded of just how stubborn I can be. On Thursday, May 5th, I stepped wrong on an uneven sidewalk and went down hard, presumably twisting my ankle. No one saw it and I sat there a good...

Read More

A Frightening Game

A Frightening Game

I think it is important to continue to evaluate your emotions as you travel further forward into the future leaving behind that milestone marked as your new start – AL (After Loss). We categorize...

Read More

Daydreaming.

Daydreaming.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if Boris came back to life now. If he just appeared again, alive and starting where he left off. Maybe he was never dead. Maybe he was just away. I have little...

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Deeply, Genuinely Happy

Deeply, Genuinely Happy

Main image by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash It’s not the kind of thing that we go around saying, is it? At least not the Brits. At least not most Western Europeans. And at least not on a regular, ongoing...

Read More

Widowed Whiplash

Widowed Whiplash

I haven’t had much downtime lately. Life is just moving at a very rapid pace and yesterday my body decided we were in desperate need of a red light and slammed on the brakes. I was at work feeling sluggish...

Read More

Love has Paws

Love has Paws

Dear Kitty Cat, What a silly name your dad gave you. I tried to convince him to choose a more creative name, but he was settled on Kitty Cat. Now, I couldn’t imagine you having any other name. And...

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Humdrum and Bittersweet

Humdrum and Bittersweet

Image by Robin Lyon on Unsplash As I reflect on what to write about this weekend – which is what I do when nothing immediately springs out at me – it’s about how used I have become to having complexity...

Read More

Fun in Funeral?

Fun in Funeral?

I booked the flight for Clayton’s funeral last night. It’s bothering me because a funeral isn’t supposed to be 4 years after someone passes. The celebration of life we had originally planned was...

Read More

Humdrum and Bittersweet

Humdrum and Bittersweet

Image by Robin Lyon on Unsplash As I reflect on what to write about this weekend – which is what I do when nothing immediately springs out at me – it’s about how used I have become to having complexity...

Read More

Grief Is

Grief Is

This week was the first anniversary of Tony’s death. Despite the strange time warp of grief, I have pulled us along into the second year. One hour, one day, one week, one month at a time. I imagine the...

Read More

Forever Young

Forever Young

Main image by Angello Pro on Unsplash Today is not only Easter Day. It’s also our lovely Megan’s 21st birthday. Her sixth birthday without her father. Her 16th birthday was just nine days after her...

Read More

Looking Forwards and Backwards

Looking Forwards and Backwards

This weekend was a swirl of activities with soccer games, Easter and my oldest son turning 13. I didn’t have much time to look forward. So now it is Monday morning, and I am entering this week with trepidation...

Read More

These Soft and Coarse Sands of Time

These Soft and Coarse Sands of Time

The course of time is told by the passing of both soft and coarse sands. Some experiences feel gentle and powder fine while others sting and erode me in these whipping widowed winds. Five. How is it already...

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He Used to Say . . .

He Used to Say . . .

We Were His Only Need He used to say that his heart would take him in the end, that husband of mine—the brave hearted man, father and mentor, friend to many; he used to say that we were all that...

Read More

Five Years, Five Minutes, Five Decades

Five Years, Five Minutes, Five Decades

My Sweet Mystery (*) Today is five years since you died. In that time, there have been so many difficult, painful, traumatic events. Exacerbating your not-here-ness. The things I would have to catch you...

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Shamrock Reflections

Shamrock Reflections

When you pick your wedding date, you never imagine that day could one day bring heartache. All the focus is on the celebration and the happy life you are building together. It never even crosses your mind...

Read More

Reflection that Resonates: PEP in My Steps Forward

Reflection that Resonates: PEP in My Steps Forward

This is the 169th widowed blog I’ve written. In 28 days, it will be the fifth anniversary of Clayton’s death. I have been widowed longer than I was in high school or college. If that’s the case,...

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The Grief Graduate

The Grief Graduate

It’s been almost 4 years since Clayton died. I was struck by that fact this week. I’ve been without him for as long as I was in high school. The biggest difference is that my schooling in sadness occurred...

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“Go Get Yourself A Bigger Problem”

“Go Get Yourself A Bigger Problem”

Photos by my friend Jane del Pozo Back in the early 1990s, I worked for a couple of years post-Masters, in a small consulting firm of organisational psychologists in Cambridge. One of my colleagues –...

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The Widowed Resilience Scale

The Widowed Resilience Scale

Resilience is defined as the ability to ‘bounce back’ or recover from a traumatic life event or circumstance. According to the Holmes and Rahe Social Readjustment Scale widowhood rates as one of life’s most challenging experiences. This fact has driven the desire to study resilience in widowhood and identify the ways in which resilience can be built in men and women who have experienced conjugal loss.

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Featured Author

Meet this weeks Widow's Voice author.

Emma Pearson

Emma Pearson

My life is a whirling mix of swishy strands, dark and glowing brightly, rough and silky smooth – all attempting to be seen, felt and integrated at once. Here are some of my themes.

I am British

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