New Posts

Focused Attention

Focused Attention

I have done a lot of work on myself over the last two years since Suzanne died. This morning, I had a revelation.

My attention has still been scattered. The revelation came when listening to a podcast...

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A Huge Moment in Northwest Texas~

A Huge Moment in Northwest Texas~

It was completely unexpected.  My first road trip since the pandemic began. I wasn’t towing my pink trailer, but I did add a bunch of decals to my pink car, deciding that my car needs to represent...

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Facing Death, Embracing Life

Facing Death, Embracing Life

My beautiful friend Joan, one of the very very very few people who has (a) consistently been present, (b) more or less accessible, and (c) capable of sitting with and exploring whatever colour and shade...

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Love Tears…

Love Tears…

It is nearly four years since Mike died and yes I still cry, but now my recovery time is quick.  The turn around between tears and living can be compared to the space between breaths.  It is almost indistinguishable. ...

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Washing the Widowed Window

Washing the Widowed Window

I clean. I clean the dishes. I clean the laundry. I clean the house – Well sort of. I’ll admit I clean what’s apparent, the obvious and easily seen. Since Clayton passed away, I’ve been busy with...

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Accepting Choices

Accepting Choices

In the last two years, I have made some seriously life altering choices. Originally, I was going to call this post "Bad Decisions"... But "Accepting Choices" actually seems more appropriate.

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From Devastation…to this…

From Devastation…to this…

I’m leaving tomorrow for my first road trip in over a year. Since settling into AZ to make a documentary about my Odyssey of Love a year ago, in fact. I only decided to do this a few days ago, but...

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My Life is Not Your Excavation Site

My Life is Not Your Excavation Site

I had an experience yesterday which was wholly disagreeable in the moment, and of which similar versions have happened various times these past months and years. The difference was that I finally felt...

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On the Cusp

On the Cusp

I can feel change... I am on the cusp of a beautiful new life.  After fumbling along the dim and rutted path of grief, I have finally come to a clearing.  I have found my way out of the dark and I am...

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Widowed and Newly Married

Widowed and Newly Married

Well, it happened! This past week, Mike and I went to the courthouse and stood with a judge, said our vows, and got married. It wasn’t the big wedding with all our friends and family like we imagined...

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Mistaken Manifestations

Mistaken Manifestations

More and more we are seeing focus on self-growth, motivation, manifestation and talk of mindset. I get the premise and I try to practice the mentality. Yes it can change your day around if you focus on...

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Arguing with Myself~

Arguing with Myself~

Should I force myself to the gym again today? Yes, it’s good for releasing energy. Also, in theory, I’ll eventually get in shape. But then I think maybe I should keep this weight on in case...

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Newly Widowed

Arriving in Community

Arriving in Community

Until last Saturday, I had never been to a Camp Widow event. I watched as a team of dedicated, compassionate and talented people created a space for the LGBTQ widowed. Held at the beautiful Los Angeles...

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Nightmares Now and Then

Nightmares Now and Then

I’ve had some really weird and disturbing dreams the past week. The sort of dreams that don’t really relate to anything in my actual life but have lots of very stressful or strange things going on...

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Understanding “Freedom”

Understanding “Freedom”

The Fourth of July - All things summer right? It’s cookouts, pool, family, sunscreen and fireworks. All the freedoms you get living in the good ole USA. It’s funny how the word freedom is used. By...

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The Scariest Part of Surgery

The Scariest Part of Surgery

This blog will be short because I had a lasik procedure this week and my eyes get tired quickly.I’ve never been one to be comfortable with eye stuff. I hate eye drops and the thought of contact lenses...

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Defiantly Defined

Defiantly Defined

So this blog is a bit different than I usually write. This week I’ve been obsessed with terminology. Have you ever stopped for a minute and thought about words? Where did they come from? How they got...

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What Lies Within

What Lies Within

It’s an interesting thing how people around you say they understand and they will be there for you. However when you have a tough day and they respond by saying: “I thought you said you were ok and...

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Baggage

Baggage

When I began my life without Mike 2.5 years ago, I felt like I landed in a foreign country and I could not speak the language.  There was a sense that I was standing helplessly in the baggage claims area. ...

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Call Me Anytime

Call Me Anytime

I watched the first episode of a new show on Netflix this morning called Dead to Me. In the episode, two women meet at a grief group, both widows. They end up building a new friendship as late night phone...

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Small Screen Surprises

Small Screen Surprises

I had my sister and a friend in town this past week and it was wonderful. We had a great time relaxing and just enjoying each others’ company.  All of us are working a side business together with a...

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Things That Matter

Things That Matter

Since becoming an involentary widow almost 8 years ago, I have changed in many positive ways.  I am more empathetic.  I am more sympathetic.  I am less judgemental of people's lives and situations and...

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Please Sign and Date

Please Sign and Date

Well the past two weeks I have been absent from blog writing. The first anniversary of Tin’s passing was quickly approaching and I honestly was scared. Scared to think about it. Scared to talk about...

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The Changing of the Guards

The Changing of the Guards

I did it. Maybe I didn’t outwardly realize I was doing it but I did it. I ignored the rising flood.For the past week I have made myself more and more busy. I have extended myself to help others beyond...

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Soaring Spirits Interational

Soaring Spirits Interational

Soaring Spirits builds community. We create, and maintain, innovative peer-based grief support programs for widowed men and women that serve a worldwide population. Based on the powerful connections created by shared experience, we endeavor to ensure that no one need grieve alone.

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Facing Death, Embracing Life

Facing Death, Embracing Life

My beautiful friend Joan, one of the very very very few people who has (a) consistently been present, (b) more or less accessible, and (c) capable of sitting with and exploring whatever colour and shade...

Read More

Widowed and Newly Married

Widowed and Newly Married

Well, it happened! This past week, Mike and I went to the courthouse and stood with a judge, said our vows, and got married. It wasn’t the big wedding with all our friends and family like we imagined...

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Milestones and Rememberances

Milestones and Rememberances

I think it’s important to share not just the parts of my life that are affected by being widowed, but also the parts that are affected by having lost my mother as a child, and also my father in my late...

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Apologies

Apologies

I am writing this not just because I have not written for a few weeks. I am also writing it as a sort of apology.These last few weeks have been extremely challenging for me. As a solo parent, entrepreneur...

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Life, After

Life, After

Images from internet searches for Netflix’s “After Life” Sometime after Mike died – perhaps a matter of months – Megan came to me and said, “Muuuuum – my Netflix account isn’t...

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Beginnings and Endings

Beginnings and Endings

I can’t deny that really, since Drew died, life has just never gotten back to being “easy” or “effortless” in the way it was back before he died. Of course, I don’t ever remember anyone saying...

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Love Threading Through My Week

Love Threading Through My Week

Today’s – no – this week’s – topic is Love. As I sit and reflect on what to write about, as with last week, there seems to be lots of different topics. All interesting at some level, but not...

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Living in an Asteroid Field

Living in an Asteroid Field

I have so much fear of becoming widowed again. Some days, that fear is louder than others… like anticipating my own personal asteroid out there that is going to crash into me on some unknown date in...

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A Week’s Ramblings

A Week’s Ramblings

Featured photo my own – Metro sign in Paris 17 August 2020 I could write about five or more different topics this morning. Or none. The five feel valid but somewhat anecdotal. A bit light. And yet...

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A letter of encouragement to my Widbuds

A letter of encouragement to my Widbuds

All photos my own, taken this week in the French Pyrenees I could write tons of letters of encouragement to my Widbuds, or indeed Grieflings of any fragrance or flavour. Whether it’s about putting one...

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Wrapping Loss in Love

Wrapping Loss in Love

Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash I spend a lot of my time reading about death, dying, and grieving, participating in webinars and holding space sessions with grief experts, people who’ve developed wise...

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From “A Gentleman in Moscow”

From “A Gentleman in Moscow”

At the behest of my new partner, I have started to read fiction again. The second of her recommendations is a book called “A Gentleman in Moscow.”

I am currently reading and enjoying it. Set in...

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I want MIKE!

I want MIKE!

I am just back from a brave week of open water swimming in the waters of the La Maddalena Archipelago, off the north-east coast of Sardinia. Brave because it’s the end of summer – indeed early autumn...

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Grief’s Rewinding

Grief’s Rewinding

It has been 866 days since Clayton past away, 867 days since I said “I love you” and kissed him on the forehead for the last time. Those first few days after he died felt like years. Every minute was...

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Nice enough. Just not “right”

Nice enough. Just not “right”

View of “Le Canigou” – the Pyrenees’ highest mountain – from my parents’ house, after a summer storm 3 August 2020 We have been on holiday now for a “fat” week...

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Incongruities of a Summer’s Day

Incongruities of a Summer’s Day

Just like I always feel a twinge of glee on 21st December (we have reached the shortest and darkest 24-hour period in the Northern Hemisphere – yippee!), I also feel a twinge of sadness on 21st June...

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Multiple Versions of Mother’s Day

Multiple Versions of Mother’s Day

Today, as I write, Sunday 10th May 2020, it is Mother’s Day in North America. And, closer to home, in Switzerland too. The day during which, in former times, people congratulate mothers on being mothers...

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Double Duty

Double Duty

When he died, he was in the processing of teaching the boys how to do many of these tasks. Mike thought he had time. And, then time ran out. Death robbed us overnight. And, I find this ironic because Mike...

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Mothers’ Day

Mothers’ Day

This is the sixth Mother’s day since Megan’s death.  Shelby is now starting to actually outgrow her mother’s shoes, and she’s almost as tall at 13 as Megan was at 33.  She looks like her.  A...

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Hollow (Second edition)

Hollow (Second edition)

For many years, I chose to exist safely.  I needed to pause and reestablish my footing.  And, thankfully, I did outgrow the comfort of the limitations I have created for myself.  But, I will never forget...

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Nothing and Everything to Say

Nothing and Everything to Say

As I’m just days away from the second anniversary of Clayton’s death, I’m finding myself in all sorts of mental states. The past 3 days I have been happy, sad, depressed, angry, energetic, exhausted,...

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I Forgot…

I Forgot…

In our community, “Grief Math” is common practice. We all do it.  We keep track of dates.  We mark dates. We “celebrate” dates. We honor our person on certain days. And, daily, we privately...

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Quagmire

Quagmire

Sunshine and mild temperatures don’t mean that the worst is over...they simply mean that the weather that will floor you comes from the ground up.

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Moving Forward….

Moving Forward….

My second Valentine’s without you. The first one was a fog. The second one I’m wide awake with full clarity to feel all the feelings. To say today is fine would be dishonest. Today is hard...

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Camp Widow®

Camp Widow®

Camp Widow® is a unique and incredible experience. This program provides both practical tools and relevant resources for widowed persons rebuilding their lives in the aftermath of the death of a spouse or partner.

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Focused Attention

Focused Attention

I have done a lot of work on myself over the last two years since Suzanne died. This morning, I had a revelation.

My attention has still been scattered. The revelation came when listening to a podcast...

Read More

A Huge Moment in Northwest Texas~

A Huge Moment in Northwest Texas~

It was completely unexpected.  My first road trip since the pandemic began. I wasn’t towing my pink trailer, but I did add a bunch of decals to my pink car, deciding that my car needs to represent...

Read More

Love Tears…

Love Tears…

It is nearly four years since Mike died and yes I still cry, but now my recovery time is quick.  The turn around between tears and living can be compared to the space between breaths.  It is almost indistinguishable. ...

Read More

Washing the Widowed Window

Washing the Widowed Window

I clean. I clean the dishes. I clean the laundry. I clean the house – Well sort of. I’ll admit I clean what’s apparent, the obvious and easily seen. Since Clayton passed away, I’ve been busy with...

Read More

Accepting Choices

Accepting Choices

In the last two years, I have made some seriously life altering choices. Originally, I was going to call this post "Bad Decisions"... But "Accepting Choices" actually seems more appropriate.

Read More

From Devastation…to this…

From Devastation…to this…

I’m leaving tomorrow for my first road trip in over a year. Since settling into AZ to make a documentary about my Odyssey of Love a year ago, in fact. I only decided to do this a few days ago, but...

Read More

On the Cusp

On the Cusp

I can feel change... I am on the cusp of a beautiful new life.  After fumbling along the dim and rutted path of grief, I have finally come to a clearing.  I have found my way out of the dark and I am...

Read More

Mistaken Manifestations

Mistaken Manifestations

More and more we are seeing focus on self-growth, motivation, manifestation and talk of mindset. I get the premise and I try to practice the mentality. Yes it can change your day around if you focus on...

Read More

Arguing with Myself~

Arguing with Myself~

Should I force myself to the gym again today? Yes, it’s good for releasing energy. Also, in theory, I’ll eventually get in shape. But then I think maybe I should keep this weight on in case...

Read More

Where do I belong?

Where do I belong?

Life after the death of the person you love is weird. It is confusing. Mind numbing. Empty. Lacklustre. And, a bunch of other feelings and things. I’m sitting in my car typing this.  I’m parked in...

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Return To Me

Return To Me

Today, I find myself in Texas near Houston. A speaking engagement planned almost a year ago. It has been a long time since I have been able to travel, speak and feel the energy in a room of people. This...

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Too Much Chaos

Too Much Chaos

Over the last two years, I have found that on numerous occasions, I have “bitten off a lot more than I can chew.” It has been extremely difficult to chew on some of the things I have chosen to do—mostly...

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42 Moons

42 Moons

Main picture by Mark Tegethoff on Unsplash I have long had an uncanny ability to work out time zones (what time is it right now in Sydney where they are 8 hours ahead? Or in Minneapolis which is 7 hours...

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Return To Me

Return To Me

Today, I find myself in Texas near Houston. A speaking engagement planned almost a year ago. It has been a long time since I have been able to travel, speak and feel the energy in a room of people. This...

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The Rebranding of a Life…

The Rebranding of a Life…

Life is for the living. 

Mike had his life. 

And, now I need to focus on mine. 

Only he died in 2016.

It would be a tragedy if I buried myself too. 

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Grief’s Rewinding

Grief’s Rewinding

It has been 866 days since Clayton past away, 867 days since I said “I love you” and kissed him on the forehead for the last time. Those first few days after he died felt like years. Every minute was...

Read More

731 Days

731 Days

Two years ago today, the light of my life went out. It was the day that Suzanne left this earthly realm and became universal energy. Today is the second anniversary of her death and at this very moment,...

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Our Third Wedding Anniversary…

Our Third Wedding Anniversary…

When I think about our Wedding Anniversary I feel a bunch of nothing really.  Where there should be joy and happiness there is just a huge void.  Where there should be happy memories of "the best day...

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Twenty Five

Twenty Five

Twenty five. Twenty-five years. Next week. We only made it twenty-three years, two weeks and one day. Suzanne died on August 19, 2018. Our 23rd anniversary was August 4, 2018. This was a photo we took...

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Wrapping Loss in Love

Wrapping Loss in Love

Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash I spend a lot of my time reading about death, dying, and grieving, participating in webinars and holding space sessions with grief experts, people who’ve developed wise...

Read More

Post Mortem – a year on

Post Mortem – a year on

This past week we have been honouring and commemorating Julia. (And Mike. And Ed. And Don. Of course). Like we do every day. Of course. But particularly Julia this week. The first “deathiversary”...

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Right Down to the Weather

Right Down to the Weather

Main Photo by Marc Wieland on Unsplash So there we have it. Here we are again. Time has rolled around. As it is wont to do. Dates might not have, but the sense, the weight of that Sunday night 52 weeks...

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First Flight, Last Flight

First Flight, Last Flight

Hey bud,   You know, there are a lot of coincidental similarities between you and I.  I mean, even at age 6, I was fascinated by flight (spaceflight specifically, at the time), visiting Kennedy space...

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“D” Day No. 8

“D” Day No. 8

Eight years ago today my world changed forever, suddenly, and in ways I couldn't have imagined...

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The Widowed Resilience Scale

The Widowed Resilience Scale

Resilience is defined as the ability to ‘bounce back’ or recover from a traumatic life event or circumstance. According to the Holmes and Rahe Social Readjustment Scale widowhood rates as one of life’s most challenging experiences. This fact has driven the desire to study resilience in widowhood and identify the ways in which resilience can be built in men and women who have experienced conjugal loss.

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Featured Author

Meet this weeks Widow's Voice author.

Emma Pearson

Emma Pearson

My life is a whirling mix of swishy strands, dark and glowing brightly, rough and silky smooth – all attempting to be seen, felt and integrated at once. Here are some of my themes.

I am British

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