Throughout caring for Clayton before he died, I felt the weight of responsibilities. The weight of being a caregiver and the weight of working full time, the weight of making sure medications were dosed and delivered on time, the weight of his comfort and the weight of emotions. Heaviest of all for me, the weight […]
Widowed and Healing
Today, I spent part of my day decluttering the kitchen and reorganizing my toolboxes. It was a bit cathartic. I threw a load of things out. And it got me thinking about how cluttered I have been feeling in my mind of late.
Clutter is a funny thing. We “collect” knickknacks, and we display them so everyone—especially us—can see them. From little magnets, we bought on that visit to Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco to the owl candle holders that came from someone who thought they were cute.
Main picture taken in 1973, perhaps 1974, when we had just moved to Brussels ….and so did my brother Edward. I also know that this is a blogsite for widows, and I am widowed. But in addition to losing my husband Mike in 2017, I had only recently lost both my youngest brother Edward (15 […]
This week’s writing will begin with part of the first blog I ever wrote and it will end with an update and my reflections on the three years that have past since. I wrote, “Who Am I ?” on December 11, 2017. Three years later, these words are still powerful and true…
I have always had trouble when I’m told that there is no way out and no solution to things. Apparently, looking back at my writing, that fact holds true even in loss and grief. I didn’t realize at first but it explains my anger when I was hit with the regular “whys?” and the “what […]
The process of dealing with my grief as it came in its rawest form was difficult to say the least. To overcome it – to move beyond that state of deepest grief – means we have to experience our grief. It means we have to experience all the emotions. And, experiencing so many emotions at the same time make us feel like we have lost control of ourselves. I know it did for me.
There has been a recurring question asked of me these past 18 months or so, which is both the time since Julia died, and also the time since I have (formally) been in a relationship. Oddly the question is not about Julia, nor about how I am (those are topics where most mere mortals fear […]
I am working fiercely to own my worth. I recognize that Self Love is where the power is. For me to launch myself more fully into the life I desire, I need to absolutely love the woman I am becoming. So, today, and tomorrow and all the days of my life I am going to practice letting my life unfold without getting in my own way.
I am still wrapping my head around the new year…2020 felt so long, but then again it went by so fast somehow. Since mid-March when COVID-19 became an everyday reality for us in the U.S., I have been reflecting on how this year has changed so much of our lives, but how differently it impacted […]
I have had an amazing time the past week with my family. A much needed reconnect. The interesting theme was everyone’s “sorry”. “Sorry we can’t visit.” “Sorry there is nothing to do.” “Sorry we can’t hug.” Funny how we take on the weight of “sorry” when we shouldn’t. As everyone was “sorrying”, little did they […]
In my last blog, I talked about what resilience means, and how I define the three kinds of resilience. In this instalment, let’s take a little time to learn about how we can start to build resilience. We can learn how resilience helps us to become stronger and more self-accepting of our faults and our mistakes.
Resilience is not simply being able to bounce back from setbacks, tragedies and injuries. It also includes being able to learn from the mistakes we make. It also helps us to accept the consequences of our mistakes with grace and self-love.
The day after your diagnosis. The day after our last holidays. The day after your death. The day after all of the “firsts” without you. The day after all the seconds, thirds, fourth, fifths, sixth and, trust me, on the seventh day after there isn’t rest. Every day is a new “day after”. Funny, that […]