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Emily Vielhauer

About Emily Vielhauer

My name is Emily Vielhauer, I am 45 years old and have 3 knuckleheaded sons who are between the ages of 11 and 15. My husband, Tony, and I were married for 14 years and despite how things ended we built something great together.

April 19th, 2021 was the last day of my ‘before’ story. The day before I became a widow, before I was a solo parent to 3 boys, before I knew my love was suffering in silence, before suicide rocked my world, before I had to break the hearts of my children and all our friends and family, before I planned a funeral and delivered a eulogy, before I knew the true depths of my love for Tony and the way that love would be expressed through grief, so many befores.

My hope for this blog is to take you along with me as I navigate my life in the ‘after’ and that my words help someone else out there, whether they empower you or just let you know that you’re not alone out there.

Reminiscing Youth

Posted on: June 30, 2025 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

A friend of mine was going through a box of college memorabilia today. She sent me so many pictures of us from that time in our lives. It’s weird to look back on myself now. That young goofy girl who always has her mouth wide open. She’s ready to be the life of every party. Living […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Suicide

Mysteries of the Future

Posted on: June 16, 2025 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

In April, I started with a new therapist, and I’ve been seeing her consistently since our first session. Today we were discussing secondary losses towards the end of our session. Just as the bulk of my session was winding down, I hit on a new topic that was bigger than the 2 minutes we had […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Therapy, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Suicide

Enduring Silence

Posted on: June 9, 2025 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

I lost a friendship I once valued, Who knows where the drift began. But you can’t make amends with silence, Although it’s not quiet like the dead. This silence breeds indifference, I refuse to accept the shrinking effects. I’ve already survived his death, This too, I will endure. I imagine they are hurting too, Missing […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Suicide

The Mundane

Posted on: June 2, 2025 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

It feels weird to even write about this, but it was also weird to experience. In May, I found my checkbook down to the last few pages. We live in an age where checks are hardly used, so an order for a few books can last a very long time. I can’t tell you the […]

Categories: Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions

Party Hostess

Posted on: May 26, 2025 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Tony and I always loved opening our home and hosting friends. We hosted both large and small gatherings, finding joy in both kinds of camaraderie. Since his passing, I haven’t hosted as much as we used to. It’s hard to be a solo parent, juggling all that comes with that, and finding the time to […]

Categories: Widowed Parenting, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions

Friendship is an Honor

Posted on: May 12, 2025 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Saturday, I had the pleasure of catching up with two of my friends from college. One friend lives locally but we don’t see each other nearly often as we should. My other friend lives in a coastal city out east. I hadn’t seen her in 3 years, but they hadn’t seen each other in 10 […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Suicide, Miscellaneous

Me Day

Posted on: May 5, 2025 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

I took a last-minute vacation day last week to spend the day alone. The decision came after looking at the calendar and realizing almost every day between now and the end of school is occupied with kid activities. Once school is over, I’ll have three feral boys in my space all day, every day. I […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Therapy, Widowed by Suicide

Back to Therapy

Posted on: April 28, 2025 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

In response to feeling overwhelmed lately, I have been buying books and exploring therapy options. It started with ‘The Let Them Theory’ by Mel Robbins a few months ago and I wrote a post on that. Now I’m reading ‘What Happened To You?’ by Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D. and Oprah Winfrey. I have made […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Signs from Loved One, Widowed Therapy, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Suicide

Death and Holidays

Posted on: April 21, 2025 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of Tony’s passing. In case you missed it, yesterday was also Easter. I have known and dreaded for a full year that these two events would coincide. About a month ago, I checked in with my kids about the date. Bringing the calendar to their attention and getting their thoughts […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Memories, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Suicide

Our Lost Cat

Posted on: April 14, 2025 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Our cat has been missing for four days, and the anniversary of Tony’s death is in six days. Into that equation go ahead and add that my oldest will be 16 in two days. In summation, I am struggling. I feel like such a failure losing the cat, as the adult in the house it’s […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Suicide

Squad Goals

Posted on: April 7, 2025 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

A week ago, I was wrapping up a long weekend with my widow squad. Ten of us, who over the last 4 years, built a bond at Camp Widow San Diego. The Camp Widow format change was our catalyst to adjust how we show up for each other. For us, Camp had begun to serve […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Therapy, Widowed Community, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Suicide

It’s April again…

Posted on: March 31, 2025 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

This is a repost as I am away and traveling with my widow crew at the beginning of another April! (posted by Mary Moore Hughes on behalf of Emily) Today marks the beginning of another April. This is THE month for me, the one we lost Tony. Last week I was chatting with a friend, […]

Categories: Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Community

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