*TW: there is mention of suicidal ideation/psychiatric hospitalization in this post You know those times in life when it feels like everyone around you is going through a crisis or a loss, and you have this strong urge to be super supportive but you are also reeling a bit yourself? That is happening to me […]
Widowed by Suicide
Exercise as Self Care
Why is it so hard to prioritize ourselves and our health? Before Tony passed, I had started a workout routine that I enjoyed. It was the first time since having kids that I had started one and was sticking to it. The day he passed was the 79th day in a row that I had […]
Reliving the Worst
I try not to relive the trauma of the day our lives changed forever too often. The memories are seared into my brain and are always there to conjure if prompted. I do my best to let them lay because they are so painful to hold on the surface for too long. Yesterday, a friend […]
My Village
Yesterday I flew home from a five-day trip to Florida without the kids. Looking back on it, I realize how fortunate I am to have a support system that allowed me to go. My in-laws signed on early to the idea of keeping the boys for the entirety of my trip. Normally when I leave […]
Bittersweet Victory
Yesterday was the biggest football game there is, and our Chiefs came out Champions. Growing up in Kansas City, the hometown love was instilled early. There is no other professional football team for me. I have swiped no to people on dating sites simply because they are wearing a Raiders jersey. There are some lines […]
Recognized
When something tragic happens, everyone seems to know about it. You expect your core and extended people to know your story. I often forget how far-reaching bad news can be. How, in the age of social media and the internet it doesn’t take long for news to spread. It spreads far beyond what we even […]
Greek Tragedy
Losing Tony hasn’t really made me question who I am as a person, but it has made me question how I should spend my time. As a couple, we each participated in activities that the other person wouldn’t sign up for alone. I’ve been to NASCAR races, BBQ contests, and attempted to fish. None of […]
Vacationing Without Him
After the success of surprising my kids last year with a Christmas trip to Orlando, I decided to try it again this year. On Christmas morning, they woke up to a scavenger hunt that revealed we were going to Jamaica for 6 days over the holiday break. This time we had a few days before […]
A Thought on Suicide Prevention
I wanted to write about the way we talk about suicide deaths, especially around the prevention of suicide. I am not sure that I have anything new or insightful that has not already been said before, but I think as a suicide loss survivor, I should speak up about how it feels to me. When […]
Another Suicide Loss
Last week, news broke that Stephen “tWitch” Boss died by suicide. As a survivor of suicide loss, each time I hear of someone else dying this way I feel a little crushed. It’s like my brain can’t process how or why this keeps happening to people. The subsequent days filled my news feeds with things […]
Account Changes are Hard
Today the plan was to write about how we put things off because we know it’s going to be hard. We have enough hard so if there’s a path of less resistance, I might just follow it. And then I put writing this blog off all day. Clearly, I’m sticking with my theme of stalling […]
Thankful and bitter.
At the time of year when we traditionally pause to give thanks and reflect on the things we are grateful for, I often feel like a bitter person. I feel like everyone else is so full of gratitude, even amidst pain and loss, and I am just…not. The truth is, I am grateful for so […]