This morning I received an email inviting Tony to his 30-year high school reunion. Immediately the mental gymnastics started. Whose email address did this come to? Will his death be a topic of conversation at the reunion? Or will he quietly be forgotten by those we were close to? And remembering how much fun we […]
Widowed by Suicide
CONGRATULATIONS
Tonight I was texting with my original Camp Widow crew of four. We haven’t all been together, in person, in a few years. But our connection is still strong and even if some time passes, we are always just a text away. As we were texting, I was reminded of where one of our inside […]
Home Repairs Not Repaired
In May, I made a post about a hole in my house. A Hole in the House – Widow’s Voice Birds had found a soft spot in a soffit, and they managed to squeeze in and make a nest there. Unfortunately, the hole still isn’t fixed. At every turn, I have been disappointed by the […]
Futbol Fever
Tonight the US men’s team lost their run for the World Cup. It’s disappointing but I’m not crushed. Historically, Tony and I had never been huge soccer fans. This year, I live in one of the World Cup host cities. So, I decided to lean in and embrace what may be opportunities that present themselves […]
Stressing Again
I was putting my hair up into a ponytail last week and noticed there was a spot that felt almost waxy. The spot was close to the nape of my neck so it took me a minute to process what it could be. Then it hit me. I went straight to a mirror, and it […]
Timber
Yesterday was Father’s Day and our 6th one without Tony. A week ago, I checked in with the kids and once again they didn’t care to do anything special. So, we had no plans for the day. I had been putting off yard work for longer than I care to admit. I’m not a tall […]
We had the Meats
When Tony died, he left us with a deep freezer full of meat. There were supplies for smoking BBQ, like ribs and pork butts likely purchased on sale. He also had vacuum sealed BBQ he’d already cooked saved for us to reheat later. We had ordered beef and pork from farmers, so there were cuts […]
Tony Trees
In June of 2022, I had two trees planted and I call them my Tony Trees. A group of my sorority sisters had pooled money together so I could have them planted in his honor. It was a time when everyone was looking for a way to help. After sitting on it for a while, […]
Success Isn’t Final
Last week I got to take an all-day class on hand lettering. The session is meant as a way to get in touch with your creative side. I knew when I saw the class description it was one I wanted to take. During the wedding years of my 20s, I addressed my own and wedding […]
Milestones and Memories
Memorial Day marks the official start of summer here. The kids had their last day of school last week. I now have a senior, a freshman, and a seventh grader. Watching the kids grow is a milestone against which I sometimes compare the passage of time since Tony’s death. It’s already mind bending to realize […]
Mother’s Day with Boys
Another Mother’s Day has come and gone; six to be exact since Tony died. It is still weird to wake up on a day like Mother’s Day without him. I always take myself back in time to the last one he was alive for. He and the boys picked up the house, emptied the dishwasher, […]
April 20th
Today, April 20th, is the fifth anniversary of Tony’s death. Yesterday I thew a huge party in his honor. (More on that next week.) As a result, my heart is both empty and overflowing with love. I had a soul cleansing cry at the end of the night (which was technically today). It was good […]