I found something of Tony’s this weekend that I had searched for extensively in the year after he died. When he first started smoking a lot of BBQ, I bought him a small leather journal. He spent so many weekends practicing; different recipes, cook times, and temperatures. Smoke, taste test, rinse and repeat. (Almost 20 […]
Widowed Suddenly
Missed Reunions
This morning I received an email inviting Tony to his 30-year high school reunion. Immediately the mental gymnastics started. Whose email address did this come to? Will his death be a topic of conversation at the reunion? Or will he quietly be forgotten by those we were close to? And remembering how much fun we […]
CONGRATULATIONS
Tonight I was texting with my original Camp Widow crew of four. We haven’t all been together, in person, in a few years. But our connection is still strong and even if some time passes, we are always just a text away. As we were texting, I was reminded of where one of our inside […]
Home Repairs Not Repaired
In May, I made a post about a hole in my house. A Hole in the House – Widow’s Voice Birds had found a soft spot in a soffit, and they managed to squeeze in and make a nest there. Unfortunately, the hole still isn’t fixed. At every turn, I have been disappointed by the […]
Tag, You’re It
I’ve been navigating orthodontic issues with my oldest son. We tried a non-invasive solution for almost a year before they decided we should consult an oral surgeon. Consulted for braces (again) and surgery, then mid-stream a second opinion put us on a surgery only plan. Based on the information we have, I believe we have […]
Mysteries of the Future: A Repost
This week I’m not feeling inspired by anything from the last week to write about. My heart and mind are with an old friend of mine that has a very sick kid. After sitting in front of the computer for over an hour with a blank page, I went back to my posts from last […]
She Passed Before Retirement
One of my “widow superpowers” is trying to make sure everyone I love knows I love them, and taking the time to spend time with my favorite people. I refuse to pass away feeling like I did not spend as much time with someone as I should have; nor do I want anyone I love […]
Futbol Fever
Tonight the US men’s team lost their run for the World Cup. It’s disappointing but I’m not crushed. Historically, Tony and I had never been huge soccer fans. This year, I live in one of the World Cup host cities. So, I decided to lean in and embrace what may be opportunities that present themselves […]
Stressing Again
I was putting my hair up into a ponytail last week and noticed there was a spot that felt almost waxy. The spot was close to the nape of my neck so it took me a minute to process what it could be. Then it hit me. I went straight to a mirror, and it […]
Timber
Yesterday was Father’s Day and our 6th one without Tony. A week ago, I checked in with the kids and once again they didn’t care to do anything special. So, we had no plans for the day. I had been putting off yard work for longer than I care to admit. I’m not a tall […]
We had the Meats
When Tony died, he left us with a deep freezer full of meat. There were supplies for smoking BBQ, like ribs and pork butts likely purchased on sale. He also had vacuum sealed BBQ he’d already cooked saved for us to reheat later. We had ordered beef and pork from farmers, so there were cuts […]
Tony Trees
In June of 2022, I had two trees planted and I call them my Tony Trees. A group of my sorority sisters had pooled money together so I could have them planted in his honor. It was a time when everyone was looking for a way to help. After sitting on it for a while, […]