A friend and I were recently talking about the touch deprivation experienced in widowhood. It’s one of those extra layers of loss that not everyone thinks about. But it reminds me of everyone touting the importance of skin-to-skin contact when a new baby is born. We use touch to express affection, and I don’t mean […]
Widowed Suddenly
The Dance Crew
Last week, I spent 4 perfect days in Cabo with a handful of my widow friends. It takes a little more work to get to Mexico, so our entire crew wasn’t able to join for this one. But the 5 of us made the most of our time together. Contrary to what an outsider might […]
New Year. New Widow
My team at work kicks off the week with a quick meeting almost every Monday morning. It’s a quick 15-minute call where we cover the highlights of the upcoming week and who has a birthday or anniversary. Last week was our first one of the new year, and we all expected welcome back pleasantries. Instead, […]
New Years First
For the first time since Tony died, I found myself in town for New Years Eve. I have spent the last four years ringing in the new year anywhere but home. Part of me was dreading being here with all the couples I’m friends with when the clock struck midnight. The unknown of how it […]
Flashbacks
It’s weird how a flash of seemingly nothing can transport you back in time. One minute I’m running errands, crossing off my mental to do list, and the next I’m back in 2021. I don’t even know what prompted it. It could have been anything though; a song on the radio, a task he used […]
Timelines
While watching tv I saw an ad for a sitcom about marriage. They were making a joke about how long after death they had to wait to find a new partner. He told her she had to wait half the time they were married, then she quipped that he wouldn’t wait. […]
Another Bloody Birthday
Yesterday was Tony’s birthday. He should have been turning 48, but he is forever 43. I actually double checked myself because 48 didn’t sound right. He was born two years before me so keeping track of his age is easy. Yet still I questioned if that number was right. Five birthdays we’ve missed his presence […]
BBQ Community
Living in the Midwest, BBQ is a food group and a hobby. I’ve shared before that Tony loved to smoke and had a BBQ team. He also shared that love with others and built a community of competitors. One of the people he drew into that world was his boss. A few weeks ago, his […]
Magical Powers
Today I opened an assignment one of my kids participated in for school. The question posed to these middle schoolers was: If you had to choose one magic power for the rest of your life, what would it be? Why would you choose this power? This assignment was completed on a discussion board of sorts, […]
Faded Marks
You know those restaurants that give you sharpies to write on the walls? So, you are encouraged to leave your mark on the establishment. We have one of those places close by. For awhile it was a staple breakfast spot for our family. It was a place that Tony loved. The food was over the […]
September
September is Suicide Prevention Month, and the 10th, is World Suicide Prevention Day. Over the years my attitude towards these attempts to bring awareness has evolved. In a lot of ways, it has transformed with my grief. The first year, it made me angry. Prevention? Seriously? How could I have prevented something he kept hidden […]
Curiosity of 5 Year Olds
“Are you going to die, Mama?” Those words cut through me like a knife as my entire body went motionless. I looked at that sweet face that was looking back at me, not realizing the impact her question had on me. My mind blanked for a second, not knowing how to answer back, and then […]