A friend and I were recently talking about the touch deprivation experienced in widowhood. It’s one of those extra layers of loss that not everyone thinks about. But it reminds me of everyone touting the importance of skin-to-skin contact when a new baby is born.
We use touch to express affection, and I don’t mean in a sexual way. There are a lot of ways we show love and comfort to a partner that we don’t do with everyone else. Looking back on the last 4 years, there are endless ways I’ve been missing Tony’s touch.
I miss…
Holding hands walking through a parking lot.
Sharing a hug after a tough day at work.
Leaning on his shoulder and watching the kids play.
Tapping out the music with his fingers on my thigh.
Swiping his hand across my back as we work in the kitchen.
Curling into the crook of his chest for a snuggle.
Warming my cold feet on his legs.
Just knowing he was near with free hugs anytime I wanted them.
Yes, I do get hugs from my children and occasionally other friends and family. The touch of someone who loves you as only a partner can, cannot be replaced. So now us widows are walking around with a deprivation that’s hard to explain. However, some of my widow friends do give the best hugs. Maybe that’s because we already know that you never know, when is the last time you might hug someone you love. So, you better make it count.
