I have read a few varying explanations of The Spare Key Theory. The theory came across my social media sometime, probably because I was reading / finding songs / looking for relatable stories about losing your mother. I’ll add one of the explanations below, but one interpretation I like is: A spare key is the access you […]
About Grace Villafuerte
Allowing Nostalgia to Evolve
Every year when I was a kid, throughout the 1970’s and 80’s, my extended family would take a road trip to San Diego to visit family. During the era of no-seatbelt-laws, thirteen (13!) of us would pile into the family orange Dodge Van with the bubble windows, back area that turned into a huge bed, […]
Checking an Item Off the To Do List after 11.5 years
11.5 years after Lynn passed, I (finally) switched my home’s water bill from her name to my name. Normal?! Ehhh, I thought it was pretty nuts that it took me this long. This un-fun task was never on my “urgent do now” list. In the back of my mind, I thought THAT was the strange […]
Do You Believe in Life After Love?
Love songs hit different now, for many reasons. Lately, I have been touched by what would be categorized as “love songs,” but I take them in as me talking to myself… Two songs have really taken my breath away lately, and are on the soundtrack of my current chapter and whatever-life-transition-I-am-in-now. Adam Lambert’s rendition of […]
My Life Journey As Seen On a Kindle List
I stopped reading on my Kindle when Lynn passed 11+ years ago, for no other reason than I stopped doing a lot of “normal” things – watching movies, hanging out with friends, etc. Reading was just another thing lost in the “new abnormal” when your life and routines suddenly changes. I picked my Kindle back […]
The Saying “You Marry Your Mother”
There is a saying “you marry your mother / father,” which suggests that people often subconsciously choose a partner with similar temperaments, traits, behaviors, etc as their parents. A few years into my and Lynn’s relationship, I remember thinking this saying seemed to be true for me. This Mother’s Day, I am remembering the ways […]
Need to Update My Emotional Emergency Fund
I read recently that “Emergency funds are financial shock absorbers, protecting your budget from unexpected car repairs, medical bills, job loss, etc. Funds should be kept in a safe, easily accessible account. This can reduce financial stress, and act as a buffer against income disruptions.” It made me reflect on the times when I have had a healthy emergency […]
The Small Gestures That Help the Healing
I have such strong memories of the times people have said things that were – unbeknownst to them – hurtful to hear as a grieving widow. We know them all, ” I ALSO have strong memories that make me tear up with joy when I think of the times when someone unexpectedly said or did […]
When Your Loved One is 5 Minutes Late
A shared feeling that comes up in conversation in my Widow Fam group is about the heightened sense of worry about a loved one when you do not hear from them when you expected to. For many of us, our minds naturally go to, “Are they dead? It’s possible they died, or something horrific has […]
An AI Version of Your Person?
Is anyone watching the new Matlock? (I am not going to give any spoilers, if you have not yet watched the recent episode – I am not saying anything more than what is in the description of the episode.) In the recent episode, there is a case brought against an AI business. They created a […]
This Is Me
I have a tonnn of songs in my “Grief Songs” Playlist – a carefully curated list of songs accumulated over the past 11 years of songs that are about grief, help me have “a good cry” (I am now at a place in my journey that I can schedule these “good cry’s” at a “convenient” […]
The Loss of Future Memories
One of the things that makes our people “our people,” is the million things we know about them that few / no one knew, and – as importantly, the million things they knew about us that no one else knew. We were also “each other’s people” because of the special 1:1 memories we had, the […]