11.5 years after Lynn passed, I (finally) switched my home’s water bill from her name to my name. Normal?! Ehhh, I thought it was pretty nuts that it took me this long. This un-fun task was never on my “urgent do now” list. In the back of my mind, I thought THAT was the strange part, but it’s the truth. It did not bother me that this bill was still in Lynn’s name. It was never a problem to still be able to pay the bill online. And one time years ago, I even went down to the utilities office and mentioned to them that she had passed, and they had no concern or made me change the name. I suppose I knew that one day I would “just do it;” that I would eventually walk in with Lynn’s death certificate, proof that it was my address, and make the change. The lady who helped me was incredibly nice, and did not flinch when she saw the date of death on the death certificate. I made a comment when I left, saying “That’s something I can check off the 11 Year To Do List.” She responded with a shrug and said, “Hey, it’s hard.” That was a perfect response, I thought.
Before I even got to my car, I sent a message in my widow WhatsApp group and said, “You’re gonna think this is nuts, but I finally transferred the water bill from Lynn’s name to my name.” Immediately, numerous friends sent their OWN examples of what bills were still in their late partners’ names! And, of course, there was a common sentiment that this was not at all nuts. They all “got it,” or rather, there was nothing “to get.” No one was judgmental or even surprised! (By the way, the most common bill kept in a late partner’s name based on my non-extensive research: internet, followed by utilities. Additional topic was still having joint bank accounts with late partners, and still having a late partner listed as an emergency contact.) Alternatively, someone immediately took their late partner’s name off all the things. There is no one way to do this widow stuff! But, I would say, there IS a right way to respond when a widow shares that they did this task. And, that is to recognize this is not abnormal, does not mean they are not moving forward or healing or processing or doing just fiiiine. (Assuming that it is not illegal to not inform the company that someone passed. I am guessing this would be different with mortgage companies, insurance, etc.) Several of the folks who chimed in saying they still had something in their late partner’s name are happily remarried! (Gasp!)
Leaving the utilities office, I primarily had that satisfying feeling when you finally check off a task that you have been avoiding. I first avoided this task because I just did not want to do it. Maybe I wanted to ensure that Lynn felt she still had ownership and a place in our home. Maybe I still wanted to feel like I was a joint owner, that I was not taking on the “burden” of solo home ownership. Then later, I think it felt like acknowledging and proving – she and I existed as co-home owners at one point in time. It would have been bittersweet to transfer the bill in those early years. Later, it felt like, well, there are no consequences, why take the time to do it? And finally, it was just trying to find the time and energy to go down to the office. And to be honest, ultimately my motivation was because I wanted energy rebates that my city offers, and the bill needed to be in my name. You never know where motivation will come from! And luckily, when the time came to do it, it was not bittersweet or even annoying to do. (And it took 10 minutes.)
JUST another part of widow logic. 🙂
