I found something of Tony’s this weekend that I had searched for extensively in the year after he died. When he first started smoking a lot of BBQ, I bought him a small leather journal. He spent so many weekends practicing; different recipes, cook times, and temperatures. Smoke, taste test, rinse and repeat. (Almost 20 […]
Widowed Memories
Ah … the ocean
“The ocean is blue poetry written in a language the soul somehow understands.” Anonymous I am so very happy I decided to schedule this important week at the ocean. And I was wise to break up my drive into two days – and grateful my car held up through that especially hot drive through the […]
Missed Reunions
This morning I received an email inviting Tony to his 30-year high school reunion. Immediately the mental gymnastics started. Whose email address did this come to? Will his death be a topic of conversation at the reunion? Or will he quietly be forgotten by those we were close to? And remembering how much fun we […]
We’re on this Roller Coaster Together
A friend recently connected me with her friend who had unexpectedly lost her partner a few months ago. In talking with her, I recognized that “under the surface shock while trying to pretend to hold a normal conversation” that I (and probably most of us) felt after Lynn passed – especially for those first 6-12 […]
Fetching Hope
It was another extremely hot week here in Northeast Florida with heat indexes up to 114 “feels like” degrees. And of course the humidity makes it almost pointless to shower if you plan to spend any time outdoors, even early in the morning. You do get used to it, and to move more slowly as […]
More trips down memory lane …
So if anyone is wondering what Mario and I were doing in the 90s, this pile of old rave and club flyers gives a good clue! I’ve mentioned before we were DJs in the Los Angeles club and underground rave scene. During my closet clean out project last week, I also stumbled upon a plastic […]
Hello August … Hello Melancholy
For the past 16 years I’ve been visited by a melancholy that begins mid-August and lasts through September. Some years it has spoken quite loudly; other years just a quiet whisper. This year feels especially heavy. I’ve mentioned previously that my two wedding anniversaries and two death dates are very closely connected: I married Vern […]
Going Through Memories
Still going through the grief of losing my kitty, Freya. And apparently my “go to” for dealing with grief is cleaning and organizing. So I started going through the closet in my back bedroom which acts as my guest room, library and entertainment area (a 2nd tv, Nintendo 64, DVD and VCR). The closet had […]
“Small” Strong Steps Forward
Last Tuesday I attended a County Commissioner’s meeting here in Putnam County, Florida. I showed up to support the important issue of animal code enforcement which is truly needed here in this rural county. Recently, a young woman was rescued during a dog attack and there have been fatalities in this county as well as […]
Sad Songs DO Say So Much
This has not been one of my better weeks. Sadly, my kitty with the illness died on Monday night. Tuesday I had to make a 3 hour drive to pick up Mario’s dad at the airport on 3 hours sleep. Wednesday I found out that the Jeep repair I was originally quoted $1900 jumped to […]
Happy Birthday, Jim
Jim’s 80th birthday was Thursday. We had talked about doing something extra special in 2026 when I hit 75 and he hit 80 … a trip to Hawaii, perhaps … or maybe even Italy! It was fun thinking about what we might decide to do … until he got so sick and we just took […]
“Thanks for the Adventure – Now Go Have a New One!”
I recently watched a clip from the animated movie, “UP” (tearjerker, if you haven’t seen it). It was the scene where Carl, who was recently widowed, is looking thru a photo album his wife, Ellie, had made. In it, she had photos from their life together. They were “regular life” photos, getting married, buying their […]