Image by Josue Michel on Unsplash 18 March 2023 I have just come back from my Saturday morning swim with the Masters. When I say, “with the Masters”, I speak rather relatively. Yes, I am part of the Masters group, and so get access to special opening times, long before the sun rises. On Saturdays […]
Widowed by Illness
A Monstruous Web of Grief and Loss
Main image by Guille Pozzi on Unsplash I saw yet another film today. I am seeing rather a few at the moment. Anytime I go into town, I work out whether or not I can sneak in a film on my way home. And sometimes I can. So I just do. Late afternoon or early […]
Love Is Not Always Enough
Image by freestocks on Unsplash Last night I saw “The Son”, which I knew would be a hard film. (** Spoiler Alerts ** Don’t read if you want to see the film **) I knew from the trailer that it was about teenage struggle – possibly linked to mental health issues related to loss, gender- […]
Working Woman Still
When Dan was alive he used to tell me I worked too hard. The word “work” mostly referred to one or another creative project in addition to my professional job. He was right. I don’t have great boundaries sometimes and the middle of the night, or the wee hours of the morning, are when I […]
Conversations Without Spaces Erase Entire Lives
Main image by Red Zeppelin on Unsplash I was invited for dinner at a friend’s house last night. Medjool was also invited and joined. We so rarely get invited out as a couple. His friends invite him out, and invariably he goes without me. My friends invite me out, but without inviting him. Actually, no […]
Let’s Talk About Death Over Dinner
Image by Nadia Valko on Unsplash A couple of weeks ago I hosted a dinner where the sole focus was to talk about all things Death and Dying. (And Grief, because, heck, it’s inseparable). I had come across the concept of this kind of dinner during the months after Mike died, and decided, “Okay – […]
It’s Not About the Roses
Image by Yoksel on Unsplash It’s Valentine’s Day already in some parts of the world. I know that the date fills a number of my fellow widbuds with Horror. Or Grief. Or Sadness. Or Resentment. There’s such “noise” around Valentine’s day in (at least Anglophone) parts of the world – it’s one of those many […]
Choosing Life – A Love Letter to Julia from Paula
Photo of Paula & Julia by a school friend I wake up to a firm ray of sunlight bursting through my dormitory window on July 2nd, 2019. I can’t wait to finally see my family after what feels like years. Suddenly, an inexplicable feeling of heaviness fills my chest, making it hard to get out […]
What does hope look like for me now?
Image by precious widbud Charlotte MacNaughton – Yellowknife, Canada’s Northwest Territories (Jan 2023) Way back when, back in my life before, and soon after I had started up my business, Kaleidoscope Development, I wrote a blogpost on “Hope”. It was 21st April 2014. I actually called it, “Hope – Part One”, and a week later, […]
Violent Dreams to Usher In the Year of the Rabbit
Image by Gary Bendig on Unsplash I have woken late this morning – almost 9 am – very late for me. But I have been drifting in and out of sleep for the past few hours – since before 6 am. I no longer remember what dream woke me before 6, but it was a […]
In Praise of Love and Mountains
Photo and Art by Véronique Balcerzak After Mike died, I made an effort, particularly at Christmastime, to ensure there was a gift from him, not only for each of the kids, but also for myself. The first year, it was soft toy teddys made from his t-shirts. I remember that we needed some kind of […]
Learning to Shuck Oysters at 55
Main image by Tommaso Cantelli on Unsplash. Other pictures my own. I am a bit of an Omnivore, in that I eat everything, and always have done. I have never been a fussy eater, I have a great appetite (which I didn’t lose even when I had gastroenteritis, aged about 14), and I truly relish […]