Weird shit happens at this time of year. Weird shit gets said at this time of year too. It feels like it is just a stream of obscene extremes. So many types of polarities and tensions, to hold and somehow absorb. To try not to get too upset about. Festive lights against dark, black-out-curfewed streets. […]
Main image from the LA Times, July 2020 Remember when, back in the 1980s, just as we were getting sexually active (if you’re my age), and AIDS hit….? There were all those adverts, in the UK at least, on billboards, in the press, perhaps even on TV – (no social media back then), of a […]
Main Photo by Nikolai Chernichenko on Unsplash I have written quite a bit about my challenging relationship with Death Admin. That I despise it. That it’s painful. That it takes too much time and energy and money. That it is prone to make me cry bitter, angry and hurting tears. And that most of all, […]
Two years ago today, the light of my life went out. It was the day that Suzanne left this earthly realm and became universal energy. Today is the second anniversary of her death and at this very moment, I’m hurting. A lot.
Mike and Sarah share Sunday posts, as they are two widows who are in a new relationship together. Today’s post is from Mike: Hey Babe, I’m writing this to you a few day’s belated. It’s been 6 years now since the last time Shelby or I was able to say “Happy Birthday” to your […]
Today, as I write, Sunday 10th May 2020, it is Mother’s Day in North America. And, closer to home, in Switzerland too. The day during which, in former times, people congratulate mothers on being mothers. People bring their mums flowers, make them a meal, take them out for a meal. Or just call them and […]
When he died, he was in the processing of teaching the boys how to do many of these tasks. Mike thought he had time. And, then time ran out. Death robbed us overnight. And, I find this ironic because Mike was a police officer. He was supposed to protect us from the injustices of life. But, sometimes things just aren’t fair. And, lousy things happen to good people; and, then, they are forced to somehow gather themselves and limp forward.
This is the sixth Mother’s day since Megan’s death. Shelby is now starting to actually outgrow her mother’s shoes, and she’s almost as tall at 13 as Megan was at 33. She looks like her. A real “bean pole” right now. At this age, she’s more concerned about video games, reading, riding her bike, and texting her friends than anything else. From the outside looking in, it’s almost as-if she’s forgotten about her mother.
This blog features my tantrum against his death, and that’s okay because life isn’t always wonderful. Sometimes it’s cruddy and messy. Sometimes life is a work in progress. And, sometimes, big lessons are learned while you roll up your sleeves and get dirty doing something very ordinary like yard work. This is what happened today.
Grief and yard work are both labour intensive and each thing demands your attention at various times. On Sunday, I gave both the yard and my grief the time they demanded and I’m better for it.
On Tuesday, April 7, 2020, I woke up at 3:49 AM to my phone vibrating. It was a call from my middle daughter, Laura. It was every parent’s nightmare. As I answered, awakened from a deep sleep I had only fallen into three hours earlier (because as I came to bed I discovered a roof leak coming through the ceiling right outside my master bedroom), I could hear crying. It was my oldest daughter, Rachel, crying.
I know I can be happy again. I’m just growing impatient. It’s been 3.3 years since Mike died. I have diligently attended to my grief. I’ve been a good student. So, when is my life going to feel good again? A lot of time has passed since Mike died. And, I am not sad […]
Maybe the very hardest part about being a mom as someone who has lost their own mother so young, is that I cannot ever turn off one wish. That strongest of wishes that I could will a miracle upon miracles for her and bring her mother back.