I fully expected to be able to write today and share the excursions Sheila and I have taken this week. Instead, my only excursions have been to doctor offices. I am so tired of this. I’m grateful that I’ve been pretty darn healthy most of my 75 years (in spite of my poor eating habits […]
Widowed Anniversaries
Why June Is My Most Challenging Month
Whenever I choose, I can fill my head with swirls of happier images, my sense impressions of my life with Lee. I don’t need to look at our wedding photographs to conjure these emotions; indeed, I couldn’t tell you the last time I sat down to peruse the album of wedding photographs in my bookcase. […]
Life’s Ups and Downs
May 3rd marked what would have been Mario’s 53rd birthday. So it was one of those anniversaries. In life, Mario never made a big deal out of his birthdays. Like I’ve mentioned before, I think it was because he knew he’d get a more limited amount of them than some people get. But rather than […]
Alternate Routes
It was an eventful week filled with emotional milestones. I spent most of the week up in Georgia again to ready my home for a new tenant. As I’ve shared previously, I put my house up for sale two months ago and in doing so, invested considerable energy and funds to make it shine. I […]
DeathFest V in Review
A week ago, I hosted a party called DeathFest V (5) to honor the life Tony lived and the person he was. Tony loved revelry with all the people he loved. Even though the party had a dark name, gathering together was at the center of the event. As I built the invite list, I […]
April 20th
Today, April 20th, is the fifth anniversary of Tony’s death. Yesterday I thew a huge party in his honor. (More on that next week.) As a result, my heart is both empty and overflowing with love. I had a soul cleansing cry at the end of the night (which was technically today). It was good […]
Right Before
Isn’t it weird to look back on the week before their passing? Depending on the circumstances of their death, that week has a kaleidoscope of events across our widowhoods. For us, life was thrumming along. Spring was coming but the last dregs of winter were holding on. Kids sports were getting ready to hit full […]
A Party to Plan
This week we turn the calendar to April. Once again, I will find myself in the month that Tony passed. What feels crazy to me is that this year will be the 5th anniversary of his death. Five years is bananas. It’s hard to believe that much time has passed. A month or so ago, […]
Anniversary Missives
St. Patrick’s Day was/is Tony and my wedding anniversary. This year, we should have been celebrating our 19th. Instead, we are always stuck at 14. Walking through the wedding anniversary grief always hits a little different. It is a striking reminder of our widowhood coupled with their death. The other big days, like their birthday […]
Holiday Pause for Peace
What do I need in this moment? I take a breath I breathe in peace I breathe in silence I breathe in words, story, and music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCpXMy5GalI&list=RDlCpXMy5GalI&start_radio=1 Please excuse the holiday ad at the beginning. Worth waiting for Peace on Earth with Bing Crosby & David Bowie and assorted music […]
Old Messages on Messenger
For no particular reason, I looked up Lynn and my conversation in my Messenger app. Honestly, I did not think we had ever messaged on Messenger, but indeed we had! Her first message to me was on August 12, 2009, and said “to see how this works.” There is only a small handful of random […]
Timelines
While watching tv I saw an ad for a sitcom about marriage. They were making a joke about how long after death they had to wait to find a new partner. He told her she had to wait half the time they were married, then she quipped that he wouldn’t wait. […]