I had prepared a different post to publish today (not this one), but I changed my mind. Instead, I felt compelled to write about how it feels to arrive at the 18-month mark since Suzanne died. On my personal Facebook page, the memory of what I wrote 1-year ago came up and I posted it—it […]
Widowed Anniversaries
Over and Over Again. I Do…
I do.
Again, and over and over.
Even knowing that you would someday leave me.
Widening the Gap
This past week, Sarah and I marked our five-year anniversary as two widows, together in a relationship. Meeting at Camp Widow in 2015, we found ourselves just simply “connected” somehow…so much so that we were actually asked if we were siblings at one point that weekend. But, this isn’t a story of how we met, or even of the five years…
Knowing Ahead
The holiday season is over. Starting in early November, every year, I begin pondering Megan’s death at an elevated rate, leading up to the anniversary of it. With Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Day all occurring in the weeks just after, it’s two months of absolute stress, that nobody seems to understand, including myself. My…
A Christmas to Remember
You would think that becoming widowed just before the holiday season could make said holidays an overbearing mixture of grief, stress, and memories going forward. That remembering that first Christmas without Megan, watching a seven-year-old Shelby bounding down the stairs to a room in which her father was already bawling, would not be the ideal…
Window to Grieve
One week ago, we wrapped up what was easily the busiest Camp Widow I’ve ever taken part in. In two days, it will be the five year anniversary of Megan’s death. Winter has blown into northeast Ohio early this year, with our first snow coming in before the leaves had even had the chance to fall off of the trees. The holidays will be here…
Another Year Without You
Soon I will have been your Widow for three years. Should I be good at widowing now? Should this feel “normal” to me now? Who knows. No one gave me a manual when you died. So, I am going by feel. I fumble forward on instinct. I hate your death date. November 15th, 2016 – you took your last breath and I fought to catch…
First Year as a Widow
Dear Readers, I have officially hit my first year as a widow and I would like to share some of my experiences and lessons learned during this unimaginable time. 1. You are stronger more than you could have ever imagined. Especially during the times where you feel like your heart is going to stop because it hurts so much and you feel you can’t…
Approaching a Year
These past few weeks have been incredibly hard for me. I’ve been reliving what happened last year. It’s not that I welcome these thoughts, it’s that my brain keeps bringing them up. I remember the last lunch that we had as a family, just the day before my husband’s accident. I remember my daughter and I went to go have lunch with at his…
Diagnoses Date
We all know the dreaded dates. The anniversary of their death, birthdays, togetherness anniversaries, holidays but there’s one more on my list that adds another dark mark on my year – His diagnosis date.Tin just felt off like he had the flu or something. No strange symptoms. No sudden pains. Just an off feeling. He did complain that he felt…
10 Months Ago
This week’s post from Mari shares some raw memories of the moments she shared with her husband in the hospital just after his death. If you are feeling vulnerable in your own grief experience today, please either proceed with caution or know that as an act of self-care it’s OK to choose not to read today’s post. It’s been 10 months since I…
1000
The heart knows… I had a feeling it was getting close. So, I looked up how long Mike has been dead. And, there it was, 1,000 days exactly. I KNEW it. And, I didn’t know it because I am some sort of math whiz. Nope. I felt it in my heart. And, the computer confirmed what my heart already knew. Monday August 12th, 2019 I will have…