For the past 16 years I’ve been visited by a melancholy that begins mid-August and lasts through September. Some years it has spoken quite loudly; other years just a quiet whisper. This year feels especially heavy. I’ve mentioned previously that my two wedding anniversaries and two death dates are very closely connected: I married Vern […]
Newly Widowed
I’m making a list …
“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” I’ve certainly let Jim’s death define me during these past 10+ months – and I did it after Vern died, too. Lots of hurts and oh so many tears. […]
I’m Becoming ….
I’ve been posting a lot about aging, I know. That number – 75 – just seemed to consume me and became my identity for all sorts of reasons. Losing Jim. His family. Still missing Vern. Feeling sick. Being alone. But I’m grateful to share that there’s been a much needed change. It’s been subtle, gradual. […]
Happy Birthday, Jim
Jim’s 80th birthday was Thursday. We had talked about doing something extra special in 2026 when I hit 75 and he hit 80 … a trip to Hawaii, perhaps … or maybe even Italy! It was fun thinking about what we might decide to do … until he got so sick and we just took […]
Staring at the blank page before you ….
Spent a lot of time this week reminiscing … reading the old blog I started right after Vern died, looking through photos of special times I had with Jim and with Vern, and beginning to write in a new personal blog for this time in my life after losing Jim. I am so very […]
Aging Gracefully … and Wisely
When I lost Vern I was 59. I felt young – even though a young widowed group on Facebook told me otherwise when they declined my request to join them (55 was their limit). Ouch. Back then the thought of facing 30 years alone was daunting. How would I manage it? Would I have to […]
Death Flowers
Last weekend I drove four hours to spend the weekend with my best friend. It wasn’t a social call; I was there to support her and her family through her mother’s funeral. At the end of the service, the funeral home offered to bring the flowers to my friend’s home the next day. We had […]
Saying Goodbye
Well … I must say that I’m quite happy that June is in my rearview mirror. And it occurred to me that perhaps there might have been a subliminal reason for why I was sick for nearly that whole month. Jim’s Celebration of Life was held in June No – I wasn’t invited No […]
Don’t Let the Hard Days Win
I fully expected to be able to write today and share the excursions Sheila and I have taken this week. Instead, my only excursions have been to doctor offices. I am so tired of this. I’m grateful that I’ve been pretty darn healthy most of my 75 years (in spite of my poor eating habits […]
I guess that’s why they call it the blues …
It’s been a quiet week with no appointments, no hockey, nothing to do except let those antibiotics do their thing. But maybe that wasn’t the best way to spend a full week … because too much free time can emphasize the missing of both Jim and Vern and some of the other heavy stuff I’m […]
Widow Brain
Facebook can sneak into our lives without us initially realizing what they are up to. Using AI they create these beautiful stories that feel like a real person wrote it – but they’re really just selling their product. I’ve nearly fallen for them in the past, but now I try to remember to look to […]
My Knights .. My Heart
This was a busier week than usual for me. And while I hit a wall at the end of it all, it was all worth it. My next door neighbor needed some rides to/from the airport due to her husband’s medical crisis that arose while he was visiting his daughter in Texas. Doing good deeds […]