This was a busier week than usual for me. And while I hit a wall at the end of it all, it was all worth it.

My next door neighbor needed some rides to/from the airport due to her husband’s medical crisis that arose while he was visiting his daughter in Texas. Doing good deeds for them felt good. They’ve been very kind since Jim died.

Met with a tax planner in Vegas since I’ll have to file my taxes as a single person this year. I had put this appointment off a few times but finally decided it was time for me to get ‘er done. I learned there are some potential impacts I need to prepare for that I was not aware of, so I guess this was a good reason to leave the house. But now I have some calls to my financial advisor added to my to-do list.

And of course I’m attending our hockey games. This is my last year as a Vegas Golden Knights season ticket member and I’m so very grateful they are treating me to another Stanley Cup Final. I bought my season tickets in honor of my first husband, Vern. He was a super sports fan and was so very positive Vegas would eventually get a professional sports team. He thought it would be the NBA but he would have welcomed the NHL with open arms for sure. I watched the two games held in Carolina on tv and was very happy we came away with one win there. Saturday was Game #3 on our home ice in The Fortress and it was a doozy! WE WON IN DOUBLE OT!  So we’re up 2-1 in the quest to reach 4. Lots of emotions during that game! I decided to drive home right after the game and leave Sheila at my son’s.

Sunday was busy – starting at 7:30 to watch online as my friend delivered her first sermon in Arkansas, run out to get some groceries and fill up the gas tank, and then a final trip to get my neighbor to the airport to pick up her husband. I hit Costco while in Vegas and then picked up Sheila to head home.

Five trips into Vegas and back to Pahrump is apparently more than this 75 year old gal can handle. When I got home Sunday night I was beyond exhausted. So Monday has been a ‘veg-out’ day. I did not accomplish a single thing (other than write this blog post) and I did not eat well. There’s another home game Tuesday night and I know that will be a busy day, so I’m not gonna scold myself for being lazy today.

During one of my drives to the airport with my neighbor this week, I shared how I felt best just staying home alone and she asked if I was depressed. That surprised me and I immediately responded with “oh gosh no!” … and I don’t think I am. At least not in a medically described way.  But I decided to ask my friend Google.

General signs of depression to look for include:

• Sorrow, irritability, or a feeling of emotional emptiness
• Loss of interest in things you’ve enjoyed
• Trouble concentrating
• A feeling of hopelessness
• Feeling guilty, or feeling a sudden dip in self-esteem
• Fatigue
• Trouble eating or sleeping

Well OK – I do have some of those signs, but then don’t ‘we’ all? (we = widowed)  I think these are more related to just dealing with my loss, my grief. Since I’m able to jump in and “live” my life at times … like going to and enjoying my hockey games … I do believe I’m going to be able to work through all of this. Eventually.

 

There is a sacredness to tears.
They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.
They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are messengers of overwhelming grief…
and unspeakable love.

~Washington Irving