The confluence of two celebratory occasions, Father’s Day, and my birthday, leaves me in a pensive mood today. As I have told you before, I have not fathered any children, a fact that is among my regrets in this life. Unlike Mick Jagger, whose youngest child was born in 2016 when Mick was already in […]
Miscellaneous
Midnight Storms
For the most part I’m not angry at Tony for dying by suicide and I just do it all without too much complaint. However, one-night last week had me on edge and anxious about our lives without him. At 1:30am, I am jolted awake by a train noise and the tornado sirens going off. There […]
No Straight Lines Here
Four hundred and eight days after Tony died, we finally mowed the lawn ourselves. With Memorial Day last weekend, we were out of town as were my neighbors who’ve been mowing our grass for us. Last summer, I didn’t even pretend like I wanted us to take that task on. I didn’t pull the mower […]
Reflecting on my April
Like everyone’s favorite Justin Timberlake meme, It’s Gonna Be May. Technically, it’s May 2nd but you know what I mean. And if it’s May, then that means I did it. I made it through April. Feels like there is a lot to reflect on over the last 30 days. I relived his last days and […]
Cousins Club
Cousin Judy called out of the blue a few days ago to inform me that she will be here later this week to visit family. She wants me to join them for dinner on Friday and possibly for Sunday luncheon, too. The family members I refer to are her close family members. I expect those […]
Grief and Karaoke
Going through grief is like singing karaoke in a bar. I know, you’re probably thinking this is ridiculous. Admittedly, I had this idea after a few vodka tonics, but I want to play this out. Saturday night our elementary school hosted an adult only trivia night. Afterwards, a large group of parents decided to go […]
Whistling Past the Graveyard
As I wrote last week, I attended the Covid-belated life celebration of an old friend. Other old friends attended, so the event turned into a bit of a reunion for us. People took the opportunity to catch up, which at this stage in our lives seems mainly to center on personal health, children, and grandchildren. […]
Homesickness
Main image by Rowan Heuvel on Unsplash In English, when we miss our homeland, we say, “I feel homesick”. In French, when we miss our homeland, we say, “J’ai le mal du pays”. Close enough, but not quite the same. Taken literally, the English version seems just to be about missing one’s “home” (parents, family, […]
Back in the Office
I went back into my office this week for a meeting and to work for a few hours. It was the first time I have been in the building to do actual work since March 12, 2020. In early 2021, I did go in to pack up my little cube so they could shift me […]
You Can’t Take It With You
On Tuesday, I was up and out of bed earlier than usual. Raising a shade and looking out a window, I saw that it was not yet fully light outside. I was preparing coffee when I heard a soft knocking at my back door, which startled me. Because of the early hour, I asked suspiciously, […]
The Grief Guard
Terrible things happen to people every single day but not everyone experiences terrible things. Some get to float through life without fear, loss or a bigger view of the world. Lucky maybe? However, true gratitude often comes from true grief. There’s a mindset now that any inconvenience is a huge struggle and so many are […]
Small Birds
I like to tend to my small birds. Today I see their birdbath is nearly empty of water. I make a mental note to add a pitcher of water as soon as I finish picking up around the kitchen. Meanwhile, steam continues rising from the bath on this bitterly cold morning. *** The current temperature […]