Safety. It’s the basis of all our primary needs. Safety, security and stability, when any or all of these are threatened, we go into survival mode. As someone who is widowed, these are in constant fluctuation for me. I have had calm days, stressed days and anxious days. The fear of being unsafe is something […]
Miscellaneous
Pets and People Years
Everyone has a set time here on this Animal Planet. When we take in a new family member, we know there are good chances we will be there for their whole life and still be here when they have moved on. It’s a normal part of life and we buffer our emotions by planning ahead […]
Mars and Venus and Me~
Several years ago, Just a couple years after Chuck’s death, A woman read my birth chart. She took into account where and when I was born. This wise woman, for that is who she was, drew my chart and studied the alignment of stars and constellations…where each one was on the morning I was born, […]
This Particular and Peculiar Sense of Non-being (Reboot)
Alison is on the road this week and won’t have access to internet so we’ve chosen this post from 2017 to share with you until she returns next week. Enjoy! There is a particular and peculiar loneliness of the sort that cannot be imagined for its’ overwhelming and enveloping totality, that strikes me when I […]
Widowed Weather
Almost three years ago, I flew home from a convention in Mexico. We had to fly around Hurricane Nate. I got home. Clayton and I prepped the apartment and planned to go to his mother’s house. He wasn’t feeling well and I wanted to take him to the hospital but he said we should wait […]
Future Gifts
People will often ask how I’m able to keep going after such difficulties losing my father and than my partner within 10 months of each other. Well here is the secret… I just keep trying. Yup that’s it. I keep trying. That is the magical answer I have for you. Some days are fantastic and […]
Remembering You on Your Birthday
Tuesday morning I woke up and wasn’t sure how to navigate your birthday. I went to work. I did the things. I stressed wanting to stay calm and collected but also find a way to celebrate you. If you were here, I would have today off. We would have a lazy morning with Roan. We […]
First Flight, Last Flight
Hey bud, You know, there are a lot of coincidental similarities between you and I. I mean, even at age 6, I was fascinated by flight (spaceflight specifically, at the time), visiting Kennedy space center, and the US air force museum. I enlisted in the Marine Corps at 17, and guess where I ended […]
A Better Busy Bryan
Just after Clayton passed, I was forced to get a second job. I started up an online business which allowed me to work from anywhere. I wasn’t locked into a schedule, at a location with someone else’s requirements. I worked extremely hard to quickly get to a point I felt financially safe again. I hit […]
What Do You Say to Someone Widowed? Exactly What You Say to Anyone Grieving…
There is just no way to gather the words to fully express the way current events are falling all around us. A pandemic, lost jobs, social upheaval and deep pain from racism. My broken widowed heart hurts for so many and it often takes my breath away leaving me speechless. So many of my friends […]
Don’t Rush Me – It’s not just me – it’s you too
Photo by Andrew Buchanan on Unsplash “One of the big things I talk about in the grief world is how other people want to rush grief. They want the old you back, they want things to go back to “normal,” they’ve grown impatient with the way grief lives in you. All that cheerleading and cheering up has, at […]
The Domino Effect
Im very achey. All of my body aches. It feels heavy. It could be the weight of coming up on 9 years without Don Shepherd next month, or it could be the weight of life, or the fact that my normal swim routine has been taken away from me for over 2 months now due to the pandemic. I dont know. But Im achey.