So last week I totally forgot to write in here. This is not the first time I have forgotten my widow duties. It has nothing at all to do with getting remarried or not WANTING or needing to write in here. I love writing in here. It has more to do with trying to find […]
After months and months of nearly drowning in my own tears, I summoned the fight and fortitude needed to kicked up against rock bottom. I let myself feel the pain of my separation from Mike. I felt it to the depths of my bones. I endured the pain. I swallowed my loss when I was choking on it. I made myself breathed in life when I could not get air. I digested my grief when it nauseated me to the point that I had to hold my hair back as I threw up into the toilet. I persisted. I continued when I thought I could no longer live another second without him. I did all this like so many widowed people before me. I survived because I had no other choice. I am an ordinary woman who endured what requires superhuman strength. I am widowed strong.
This week’s writing will begin with part of the first blog I ever wrote and it will end with an update and my reflections on the three years that have past since. I wrote, “Who Am I ?” on December 11, 2017. Three years later, these words are still powerful and true…
So, today is my one-week wedding anniversary. If you read here last week, you would know that on New Years Eve, almost 10 years post-loss, my fiance Nick and I were married in a private, covid-safe ceremony at The Groton Inn – the whole thing live-streamed to Facebook Live. It was unique, it was beautiful, […]
So guess what I did yesterday, on New Years Eve Day? I got married. I know. I can hardly believe it either. So Nick and I got engaged on December 13th, which you already know if you follow this blog. Soon after that, I received an email from The Groton Inn, a beautiful venue in […]
Merry Christmas everyone. We went over to my parents house this morning for a couple hours, practiced social distancing and did a nice brunch with fried dough and fruit, sausage, eggs, and bacon. We did our tradition of exchanging gifts with them while also scratching off lottery tickets with pennies, and kept our visit under […]
Main Image by Sarah Treanor on streanor.com One of the (many) difficult things about loss and grieving is that while it makes up an inordinately large portion of my life (and is sometimes all-consuming), it is hard to express, lonely to experience, and frustrating in its unpredictability. I rarely feel understood except by my Grieflings […]
For me, this Christmas, and always, I choose to focus on the LOVE and not the loss. This makes all the difference for me.
So today is the 15 year anniversary of the day that Don Shepherd proposed to me in NYC underneath the Rockefeller Center christmas tree, or what I like to call “our tree.” Normally, on this day, all the years that I lived in NYC area, I would take a walk to that area and just […]
A different kind of post… My first ever podcast 2020 has been the year of being on webinars and panel discussions about grief and loss and suicide and more but this is the first podcast I have ever participated in, and I think it’s worth sharing. Lasts 37 mins. https://anchor.fm/untamingfemininity/episodes/Living-with-Loss-with-Emma-Pearson-encfa2
I am just seven days away from the 15 year anniversary of Don Shepherd’s marriage proposal, which took place at the iconic Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree – underneath it, to be exact. There were hundreds of people there – clapping and screaming with joy at our love – even though they were tourists who were […]
As my grief continues to evolve, I carefully consider who I am today. And, I recognize and accept that both potential and lost possibilities coexist in me. This duality is one of the hallmarks of widowhood. I am at once full of potential; and, concurrently, I have lost my ability to fulfill some of my previous desires. This is just plain lousy. I won’t pretend it isn’t.