With my second Thanksgiving without Erik right around the corner, I find myself getting multiple flashbacks of all our past Thanksgivings. Thanksgiving was the first time I introduced Erik to my family a decade ago. The thought of another year with an empty seat with his name on it sets in more this second time […]
Widowed Effect on Family/Friends
Church of Beginnings and Endings
About three weeks ago, I attended a funeral at the church where Tony and I were married. It was the first time I had been in that church since his passing. The service that day was for one our close friend’s mother. So I was there in a supporting role versus a griever. As I […]
Settling In
It was a busy week and last night I realized that I had no draft for today’s Post, a first in my year plus of Saturdays when I’d just push the Publish button. So today follows the theme of new starts, habits and outlooks in true form. I will randomly write on. On Thursday, I […]
Fleeting Sense of Safety
Ever since Erik’s passing my sense of home and safety has been fleeting. Every second of every day my mind is constantly filled with never-ending thoughts of things that need to get done, questions about the future, re-plays of the past, worry about the what-ifs, and everything in between. One of my biggest thoughts is […]
Honoring El Dia de Los Muertos
According to the History Channel Website, ‘The Day of the Dead (el Día de los Muertos), is a Mexican holiday where families welcome back the souls of their deceased relatives for a brief reunion that includes food, drink and celebration.’ Later today, I will spend time at a Dia de los Muertos celebration in a […]
Another Halloween Without You
Today is Halloween. Yet another holiday that Erik is no longer here for. The days leading up to any holiday always puts me in a strange mood. The anxiety levels become higher than they normally are. The feelings of sadness, anger, disappointment, hope, and everything in between all seem to mix together. Something I still […]
A Late Breakfast With a Professional Driver
Lee’s brother Paul is a retired fellow who occasionally needed to get out of his house. Therefore, about a year back, he started driving part time, two or three days a week, with Lyft. Paul and Joanne still reside in the suburbs (when not staying at their Michigan lake house), but he drives mainly here […]
As the Seasons Change
The reality of the seasons changing is hitting me a little differently this year. This past week we took our family photos for the upcoming season and it was the first true holiday photo session I had joined in with the twins since Erik’s passing. It didn’t feel complete because the most important person to […]
When Strangers Become Family
Early last week a widow friend texted our widow group chat that was started after Camp Widow San Diego. She had shared with us that she needed to go to the hospital for her daughter. I was driving as I read this text and immediately my heart dropped for her. It took me right back […]
The One That Got Away
Readers of these Thursday posts might recognize Crag and Donna as two of my oldest and dearest friends—our friendship dates back fifty years, and I have written about them here several times. But I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that for as long as I’ve known Craig it has been his dream to have a […]
Family Photos Minus One
Last week the kids and I went to Fort Walton Beach for a week of fun and sun. This vacation was one I planned with two other families that we are friends with. In total, we had 5 adults and 10 children. Each family rented their own condo at the complex and we managed to […]
Living with Triggers
After going through such a traumatic loss having anxiety and being scared or jumpy all seemed to be part of the package. A year and a half in those feelings are still there. They might not be as intense as they were a couple of months after Erik’s passing, but they continue to just lie […]