Last Monday, should have been my 18th wedding anniversary. I had almost lost sight of its impending arrival. His death anniversary falls on Easter this year. Preparing for that had been taking up my extra grief mental load. In fact, when a friend texted me a few days before my anniversary to check in on […]
Widowed Effect on Family/Friends
More Than Wishful Thinking
Lola the pup has a trick. In the morning when she is ready to eat, she picks up her travel food bowl and parades with it, making sure that anybody up and about knows she wants to be fed. I get Lola’s message, naturally, but there is a time threshold I will hold her to […]
Riding Off into the Sunset
I’m typically highly-sensitive to dates of significance pertaining to family members. I’d always served as the reminder-of-dates, a birthdate savant, advising everyone of someone’s upcoming Big Day. These days, however, I realize that it isn’t birthdates that I’m now good at recalling, but the dates-of-loss. I didn’t realize until this past week that although six […]
Lunar New Year Eve Reflections
As I sit here finishing my preparations for the Lunar New Year tomorrow I can’t help but look back on this past year. Lunar New Year has always been one of the most important holidays to our family next to Christmas and 4th of July. It was one that I welcomed Erik to be a […]
Soup and Sandwich
I met Paul and Joann for a “holiday” luncheon. Paul is Lee’s brother; Joanne is his wife. I hadn’t seen Paul for several months, and it is more than one year since I last saw Joanne. I had just finished parking my car and was about to feed a meter when I saw them exit […]
Friendship and Grief
Over the last week, I’ve been reflecting on friendship. When you lose your partner, often you also lose your best friend. Losing your best friend changes the dynamics of how you share information. There is no longer one person to call for everything. Throw in widow brain and you won’t even remember who you’ve told […]
The Art of Thanksgrieving
How did everyone do with the Thanksgiving Holiday? I know Soaring Spirits is an organization with an international membership, so for some of you, it really was just “another day”. For many in the US, however, Thanksgiving is a day filled with the expectation of being surrounded by family, food and friends. I have had […]
Thanksgiving Sentiments
It’s Thanksgiving week in the US, and we are bombarded with messaging telling us how to feel. Well wishes telling us to be thankful, or to gather and enjoy each other. The first year, I was annoyed and angry. I wanted to scream when faced with messages of gratefulness. Do not tell me to be […]
Birthday Grief
Each year Tony’s birthday seems to hit me differently. Some people say the first year after losing someone is a fog. I think it only looks that way in hindsight. The first year is an onslaught of pain; around every corner is a reminder, each turn of the calendar is a new first without. Looking […]
Parting
Yesterday, I got a bill from the lawyer who handles my estate plan. I have been tweaking this plan from time to time and still need to confirm the most recent changes. It is a simple plan, given I don’t have a wife or kids to consider, but I seem to spend undue time agonizing […]
Exploring What Might Help
Today I wish to offer three simple tools to help those of us who are having an especially “off” day. Three fresh ideas or strategies for your back pocket at the ready in advance of your need. Difficult days arrive out of nowhere for new widowed people, or long-time widowed people. […]
Bittersweet Reminiscence
Reminiscing is a blessing and a curse. The number of people who will ever know Tony is finite and that number will never be larger than it is today. I enjoy recounting stories with those who knew him well because we are usually sharing the memory. Even when I’m given the space, it’s harder to […]