This week we turn the calendar to April. Once again, I will find myself in the month that Tony passed. What feels crazy to me is that this year will be the 5th anniversary of his death. Five years is bananas. It’s hard to believe that much time has passed.
A month or so ago, I decided to take control of his death-iversary for the year. Last year I felt so uncomfortable with it falling on Easter. I didn’t want a repeat of that. So, I decided I would do what I do best and throw a party.
Planning a party gives me something to focus on besides the dread of the anniversary. It gives me a sense of control around a date I had zero say in. Lastly, on a really hard day, it ensures that I am surrounded by people who love us and him.
It feels a little weird to throw a party because his death isn’t something to celebrate. But I don’t look at it as celebrating that, we are honoring who he was.
The gathering will be filled with some of his favorite things; cornhole, BBQ, music, and backyard camping. It will also be filled with his favorite people from the past and those who the kids and I have grown close to in the years since his death.
Because I can’t resist a chance to throw an extra layer of dark humor in, the event has kind of an unhinged name. When I was throwing around the idea, it started as TonyFest 5. Then it quickly devolved into DeathFest V. My grandmother would clutch her pearls if she knew. But as I always say, if I’m not laughing, I’m crying. So here we are.
I’ll report back in a few weeks after the event and let you know if it made the weekend worse or better. I’m really hoping for better.
