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Widowed Belongings

15 More Sleeps…

Posted on: April 12, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

Fifteen more sleeps in this house of mine and then I have the rest of my life somewhere else.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly

Less is More

Posted on: March 29, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

My worldly possessions feel heavy.  They are housed in my home and chain me to a life that I no longer wish to participate in.  I don’t give a shit about the stuff on my walls or the sofa across from me.  It is all meaningless to me.  What can it do for me?  What does it do for anyone really?

Moving forward, I do not want things.  What matters to me is the feel of things, not the actual things.  I want to live a full and joy filled life that draws inspiration from experiences – not stuff.  And, sure, it is true, I do like nice things; but material things do not fill my heart with happiness.  In fact, my worldly possessions feel weighty to me.  They feel like a burden to me.  In the near future, I hope to travel and I do not want to have to worry about storing my things while I am gone. To me, more is less.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly, Uncategorized

Bachelor of Grief

Posted on: March 20, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

I never wanted to apply and enroll here at Widowed University. I’ve always been opened to learning more in life but I never wanted this education. Like I said last week, the build up to Clayton’s death day is one of the hardest times of the year for me. Two years last April I got […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Right Move…

Posted on: March 15, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

…when I move, I will concentrate on raising up the new me.  It is cool.  It is not lost on me that the roles are reversed.  This time, it is me, not my children, who will “grow up” and into myself in the new house.  It is my turn to focus on my own identity and sense of well being. It is my time to become the person I am meant to be.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly

Grief Gifts

Posted on: March 13, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

One month away from the third anniversary of Clayton’s passing and some moments it feels like it was just yesterday. Each year has had its challenges and this year I’ve lost our cat Stallone. I’ve written before that it’s the build up to certain dates that’s worse then the actual days themselves. Each season has […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Signs from Loved One, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Eighty-sixed from Life

Posted on: March 8, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

This time buying feels different.  It feels like I am attempting to fix a wrongdoing.

The wrongdoing being Mike’s death…  Moving is a big step in the direction of righting my alternate life.  It is forward motion.  It is acknowledgement of the permanence of his death.  It is necessary and it is a good thing.  This move is about me.  It is my decision.  My choice.  My sale.  My purchase.  It is about my family and our future.  And, I should be excited about it.  And, I sort of am.  I am just not altogether overjoyed.  I am a bit blaise and this should not surprise me because I have been operating in apathy for 4.3 years now.  The move just really brings into focus how deep this indifference is embedded in my psyche.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly, Uncategorized

The Escape Room

Posted on: March 6, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Part of my widowed journey is getting the opportunity to get away from home. Staying in the apartment that Clayton and I both lived has its benefits and its challenges. He hung up the art and organized the furniture. Everything here holds whispers of his style and view of interior design. I’m coming up on […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Moving…

Posted on: March 1, 2021 | Posted by: Staci Sulin

And, in the familiar setting where my old life played out I was able to grieve for all that I lost.  I let my loss seep into my bones as I walked down the familiar streets of our neighbourhood.  As I wandered through the aisles of our grocery store I allowed all the sadness his death caused to drip from me.  I drove around our town and tears streamed from my eyes, day after day, as I said goodbye to the future we never got to live.  It has been an excruciating 4.3 years, but I am better for allowing myself the time to properly say goodbye to my life here.  I am now finally at a point in my grief where I can be at peace with the past and I have accepted that the future will not be the one I anticipated living.  I can move now.  I am done with this place.  I have taken what I can from it and now there is nothing left here for me.

Categories: Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly

Wid-OWED

Posted on: February 13, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Wid-OWED This week has been tough. I have had conversations with probate court to try and finalize Clayton’s Will and picked up Stallone’s (our cat) ashes back from the veterinarian. Now he and Clayton sit on a bookshelf until we can figure out a funeral for them. I’m coming up on 3 years since Clayton […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Terry, I wish I’d tried harder to love you while you were still alive

Posted on: February 2, 2021 | Posted by: Emma Pearson

I like to claim that “I don’t do guilt”. It’s not that “I don’t do guilt at all”, it’s more that I try to catch any guilt quickly and figure out if the guilt is bringing anything of value. Mostly it’s not. Same same with regrets. I like to say “I don’t regret things”. Again, […]

Categories: Child Loss, Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Illness, Multiple Losses

Bitter, Bland and Forgotten Flavors

Posted on: December 19, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

This year has been nothing less than bipolar. Severe ups, downs, twists and turns I could never expect. Year 1 and 2, I could keep busy, keep moving and face the loss of Clayton when I wanted too. Now, year 3, in a pandemic with the world halted, I’m forced to taste the truth and […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Woven Widowed “What” in the Fabric of Life

Posted on: December 12, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

“What was I just doing? What was I about to say? What is that person’s name? I’ve known them for years. Damn it Bryan! What is wrong with you?” For a while, I thought that maybe I was a little crazy. I was struggling to understand why my thoughts were so scattered and why I […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

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