I stumbled on a YouTube video earlier in the week of a British guy talking about possessions and how he was at a rummage sale and thinking about all the items there were once items that someone cared deeply about and are now being sold for very little money. I didn’t end up watching the whole video. He wasn’t one of the minimalists who have varying views on how people should have as little possessions as possible, but I believe was advocating more for owning items you care deeply about (even if they might end up at a rummage sale at some point).

This oddly coincided with me randomly coming across an estate sale last Saturday. When I walked up though, I knew the vibe was different. I overheard the lady telling mentioning to another shopper that her and her husband bought the house as a foreclosure and it came with everything in the house (which is odd, and could still very much mean someone died because that same scenario happened to a friend of mine). With estate sales especially, I walk into them with a bit of reverence because there are not many “living” estate sales (frankly, those are just yard, garage or moving sales) – almost always, someone has died and the family is selling off all those possessions. This estate sale was just rather sad to me because whether the original owner had passed on or just fallen on hard times, those were their beloved possessions at one point. Someone definitely loved cats (I picked up a number of cat themed items).

Minimalism is something I am drawn to in an odd way. I grew up with a dad who was basically a hoarder of things. There were 3 areas of our house that were absolutely packed with stuff (my mom was the only one preventing the rest of the house from ending up jam packed). My dad was one of those people who proclaimed, “As soon as I get rid of something, I’ll need it!”. He also had backups of items (like 3 or 4 of something) and absolutely loved to go to swap meets, flee markets, yard/garage sales, thrift stores and was routinely adding more stuff buying off places like Craigslist. The dude embodied big one man’s junk is another man’s treasure energy.

I hate to admit, but I think I inherited his love of finding things second hand. The difference with me though, is while I love to find stuff for myself, I’ve also found (especially since Mario died) that I really like being a catalyst for someone else finding something they love. So unlike my dad, who always talked about, “I could sell this for money!” but never really did, I do. I wouldn’t really call it a “side hustle”. To me, it’s a hobby that brings me enjoyment (and yes, some dollars, but enjoyment most).

When Mario passed on, I was, of course, left with all of his possessions. In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have emotionally given away 99% of his closet (because a ton of his Y2K era clothing is worth tons on the resale market these days), but everything else, I’ve hung on to. There are some things he had that I do enjoy, and some things I know someone else would enjoy more. The later is what I resell. It’s like having an on-going, online estate sale.

I feel the same way about all of my dad’s possessions.

Since I watched that one video on YouTube, my feed is now littered with minimalists and adjacent type folks such as “de-clutterers”. To be honest, if that’s the way you want to live, more power to you, but so many of them seem to just suck the joy right out of living. I’m much more Marie Kondo (aka “does this item spark joy?”) than I am the YouTuber who brags about having an antiseptically clean, tiny house or apartment with nothing on the walls and 100 possessions to their name.

I get a lot more minimalist when it comes to utilitarian type stuff though. I don’t like having tons and tons of kitchen stuff or house stuff that’s squirreled away in plastic bins in closets that never really gets used. That just reminds me too much of growing up in a house with too much stuff that never got used. I want to use what I’ve got, not have too much extra.

Where I’m a maximalist (the polar opposite of the minimalist) is art and decor and to some extent, personal adornment (give me ALL THE GIANT RINGS AND NECKLACES!). So a lot of the stuff that I thrift or pick up second hand that I keep is art, interesting decor, oddball clothing items, jewelry … stuff like that. Some may walk into my house and find it overwhelming, but most find it more interesting than anything else. It’s eclectic, but has an organization to it. And living in my home and with my “stuff” every day it brings me joy. And isn’t that part of what life is about?

Witness “exhibit A”, my living room area 😅 …

There are some times that I just get tired of a certain thing though. If it has worth, I resell it. If it isn’t worth reselling but I know someone else might still enjoy it or have a use for it, I donate it.

I know I could live with less. Sometimes when I’m out camping in my little trailer I imagine what it would be like if that was my only home (plenty of folks out there living in tiny trailers, vans, or other RVs after all). You have to be very choosy with what you let into a small space. I have been very choosy with how I decorated the trailer and what goes into it. It’s not a bad exercise to change your perspective like that. And yes, I know I’m privileged in a way many people aren’t to be able to to play around with perspective like that.

Getting back to inherited items … this is something all widowed people have to deal with but there is no universal way that we do so. There are levels of emotion involved, from heartache to guilt to relief and everything in between. Many of your spouses possessions, after all, were something they cared deeply about. How did you/are you handling this in your widowed journey?