Widow's Voice

Out of the Blue

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Out of the blue, I received a text message from Joe’s wife, Katie.  Regular readers know that Joe is Lee’s nephew. Joe, Katie, and their two children, Allie and Dean, now live in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  It had been at least one year, probably more, since I last saw or heard from them.

Katie wanted me to know that Allie left their house for school this morning wearing a pair of Lee’s earrings. Lee would never have admitted it, of course, as she had other great-nieces and great-nephews to think of, but it was always clear to me that Allie was her favorite.

Katie told me that both she and Allie enjoy wearing Lee’s jewelry and think of Lee often.  I guess, by extension, they think of me, too.

I enjoyed Katie’s short but heartfelt message.  I felt good knowing another person, without any prompting, was including me in her thoughts.

***

I recall one of the last times that Joe and Katie, Andy and Kristen, and their respective children came to visit Lee. By then, Lee had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer just a few months previously. Their visit coincided with Christmas, when Joe and Katie traditionally traveled here to celebrate the holidays with his folks and his brother, Andy.

Lee might have been too ill to spend Christmas with her family at Paul and Joanne’s house; more likely, we did briefly attend those festivities, but I don’t recall clearly today, after so many years have passed. I know spending Christmas with her family meant a lot to Lee, so my sense is that we probably attended Christmas dinner, and this is when Lee would have extended the invitation to the nephews.

Although Lee would be dead by the following July, at the time her nephews and their families visited our home, neither she nor I was yet resolved to this outcome for her. Nonetheless, I can recall a funereal quality to the nephews’ visit on that day, as Lee used this occasion to dispossess herself of some of her favorite personal objects, including the aforementioned jewelry. Soon enough, the girls were rummaging through her closets and trying on clothes, while the guys perused old family photographs. I picked up pizza. Leave it to Lee to turn what could easily have become a pity party into a real one.

Lee gave her wedding gown to Allie as a keepsake, along with other select items of clothing and accessories. I can remember thinking at the time that Allie, though still a kid, would never fit into Lee’s dress.

I hope that Allie proves me wrong.  Nothing would please me more than to see Allie wearing Lee’s dress on her own wedding day.

About Gary Ravitz

In relevant part, my musings are for me. It’s one of the ways in which I process losing my sweetest. Of course, Lee didn’t want to die. She had fought like hell, but the relentless cancers kept coming: Skin cancers; breast cancer; head and neck cancer; colon cancer; and finally, the deadly pancreatic cancer. In June 2020, and only after being pressed hard by Lee, her oncologist opined that my wife had from two weeks to two months left to live, turned on her heels and nearly sprinted from the hospital room, never again to be seen or heard from by us. I promptly removed Lee from the hospital and brought her home. It was the right thing to do and I only wish I had acted sooner over “the best” medical advice to the contrary. In fact, my sweet wife only had nine days left to live. At the final, she embraced her own death with great courage and unfailing kindness. It was a truly remarkable display of grace and wondrous to behold. It was my great privilege and honor to be with her every step of the way. And now, it’s my privilege to be able to write a few words to you each week. In a nutshell, I believe every journey is unique, but, hopefully, to know that you do not have to walk it alone can also be reassuring. And, along the way, you might hear a bit more information about me.
Gary