I thought I’d have a bit more time with him … but they want his ashes shipped now. So I got those required boxes from the Post Office and I carefully wrapped up both Jim and Estelle (his first wife) according to the specific instructions. I wasn’t able to fit both of them in one box, so I have two of those big, heavy boxes to take to the Post Office tomorrow. Yes, there were tears.

Body and soul
Ashes to ashes
vessels for our souls
the spirit of who we are

Letting go of the person is the painful part
a final farewell
I want to hold you close
finding our forever

Your memory and love found a place in my heart
settled in place for all time
the love and light in your eyes
feelings to never forget

Releasing the ashes of who you once were
letting go
scattered on the wind
shared with the sky and the soil of the earth

I’m not losing you or your spirit
only the vessel
our souls are immortal
and you are free

We take our last breath
And return to the earth from whence we came
Ashes to ashes
Returning to dust

by Darren Wier

 

And I do understand why his sons want their parents’ ashes spread together. I really do understand that. But it sure doesn’t make it any easier to have to send Jim off.

I’m one of those who talks to their person … a lot. I still talk to Vern and I’ll continue to talk to Jim, too. I asked the funeral home if I could have a small amount of Jim’s ashes separate from the urn and they gave me a little baggie. I took him with me to Tennessee and to Oceanside. And I have a small amount of Vern’s ashes that I travel with, too. Took him to all of those Camp Widows, and on my trips to Key West and Costa Rica.

But one good thing has developed … I’m not doing the garage sale. I was struggling with it. It’s too soon for me to be gathering up all of Jim’s things and deciding what to keep and what to give away or put out in the sale. His son wants me to hold onto everything until he’s able to get down here to look at it all. And I hope it’ll be awhile before he comes. It’s been hard – physically and emotionally – to deal with all of this in the first six months. I need a break from it all. Just for a bit. Please.