Last Saturday I wrote about staying in place after losing a spouse or significant other. It isn’t easy to stay in a home that looks the same to everyone else, but doesn’t feel the same to the one who remains in that space alone. But many choose to remain in place, attempting to create a […]
Widowed Signs from Loved One
Winks
I go through these phases where I feel like Boris is sending me signs, or sometimes I call them “winks”, and then there are long periods of time where I feel like I get nothing. I feel like he isn’t out there, or he isn’t trying to communicate with me at all. And, sometimes I […]
Working Woman Still
When Dan was alive he used to tell me I worked too hard. The word “work” mostly referred to one or another creative project in addition to my professional job. He was right. I don’t have great boundaries sometimes and the middle of the night, or the wee hours of the morning, are when I […]
Trains of Thought
One of the most significant milestones for those who find themselves widowed is dealing with the items that belonged to your spouse, or significant other. Some people handle that task soon after the death of their partner, others wait for months, if not years, before they can bring themselves to do it. Closets. Armoires. Desks. […]
A Story of Widowed Life
as told by the Nasturtiums Signs of spring are everywhere in Riverside, California. Today’s post is a story board, courtesy of a magical plant whose leaves are a story in and of themselves. Studying a nasturtium leaf brings to mind images of fairies hiding beneath, or tiny creatures using the leaf as an umbrella amid […]
Bittersweet Victory
Yesterday was the biggest football game there is, and our Chiefs came out Champions. Growing up in Kansas City, the hometown love was instilled early. There is no other professional football team for me. I have swiped no to people on dating sites simply because they are wearing a Raiders jersey. There are some lines […]
Mapping Grief:
A Man Called Otto. We first meet Otto six months after his wife’s death. With no apparent family, and having cut ties with those he was once close with, a grief-stricken Otto is isolated and in constant pain. He rages like a wounded bull as he goes about his daily life in the tiny neighborhood […]
Signs from a Stocking
We are coming into the thick of the holiday season now. I’ve already been to 1 holiday party, and I have 2 more scheduled this week and the following. It feels a little excessive this year but I’m rolling with it for now. Our dreaded Elf on the Shelf is back, but the older boys […]
Missing
It began with a need for a garment bag the kind from the cleaners with its pre-slit hole for the hanger — dry cleaners size — with child safety warning included. I doubted I had one but went into my closet searching for a stray lingering on the closet rod. I notice a […]
Muscle Memory
Grilling and smoking is one of the things that Tony took the lead on during our marriage. I was a passive bystander at best. One time he put me in charge of watching some jalapeno poppers he was grilling while he ran down to help a neighbor. I managed to catch one on fire and […]
The Unconclusive Conclusion
While writing this blog, I was forced to revisit and relive more than just my widowed walk. I dove back in time through many memories I had forgotten or hidden. In reflecting back, how ironic was it that I rushed through the four years of high school and the four years of college only now […]
“No last goodbye”
One of the more difficult moments in the months after Boris died was attending a concert that we were supposed to go to together. For Boris’s birthday in March 2018, I purchased two tickets to see Odesza, one of Boris’s favorite groups, in Nashville. The concert was in May. But, he died in April. I […]