Photo by Marek Piwnicki on Unsplash I want to believe in the Spirit world. I want to believe and trust in Mediums. I do believe in the Spirit world. And I do believe and trust in Mediums. Mostly. And yet… I can’t help but feel disappointed. Where were Mike’s and Julia’s spirits on a small […]
Widowed Signs from Loved One
Finding Change
I’ve written about finding coins before and there was a long time I didn’t find any. This week it seemed everywhere I turned there was a penny. I think I found 8 total and 3 in just one day. They go in my pocket, I forget until later and it’s like I’ve found them all […]
Just-ified
“Just” – What a powerful word. “Were you just partners or where you married?” The word “just” has the power to completely negate every thought, word, blog, good deed I’ve ever done in Clayton’s honor. To some, we were “just”. Clayton and I were planning on getting engaged and married. If you are planning to […]
The Gardener
Whether we were here at home or at Deer Tick Manor, friends and neighbors would drop by with their “green” questions for Lee or stop to solicit her recommendations about the best garden center while running errands on a weekend or ask her to provide the internet address of her reliable online supplier or identify […]
Non-Stop Dead
Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash In the weeks and months after Mike died, people often asked me if I dreamt of him. I barely did. He was “in my dreams” – a presence in them – but dead. I remember resenting that I knew all the time, every moment, day or night, even when […]
The Tangled Widowed Web
This week hit hard in a way I never expected. My Instagram account was hacked and a social media storm ensued. I started to get notifications from Instagram and friends that something was strange. I was completely locked out with no options to change my password and get stuff back. The hacker started to email […]
The Grief Tour
This week, my week before widowed, I took a trip off the main path of my journey and doubled back to the places I saw you last. My head said “yes” but my heart said “no don’t go”. It’s been 1,098 days since I could actually touch you, hear you and see you in person. […]
Grief Gifts
One month away from the third anniversary of Clayton’s passing and some moments it feels like it was just yesterday. Each year has had its challenges and this year I’ve lost our cat Stallone. I’ve written before that it’s the build up to certain dates that’s worse then the actual days themselves. Each season has […]
“There is No Remedy for Love but to Love More”
The past three days have been loaded with all the feels. Friday was Lunar New Year, which is an important holiday for Boris’s family. They usually celebrated as a family in some way and he’d always get a little red envelope with money. I know the holiday must be challenging for his parents and sister […]
Afterlife Thoughts
I have complicated feelings about the Afterlife. I grew up in a Christian and relatively conservative family and I used to have confidence in my beliefs: when you die, you go to Heaven or Hell. It’s that simple. Then, I got older and started to question the existence of Hell. After that, I began to […]
The Unlikely Squirrel
Last week my therapist asked me if I felt Boris’s presence lately. I thought about it for a moment and then realized the answer was no. It had been a while since something happened that felt like a sign from him or his presence was there. Over the past 2.5 years, I’ve heard specific songs […]
Faith In Fingerprints
Since Tin’s passing, many have said he is with me, many have said he’s moving things in and out of my path to help make things easier and more successful for me. On many occasions, I have found pennies, dimes, seen cardinals, butterflies and got a call or text just at the moment I needed […]