Let me count the ways.

Inspired by Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s poem, How Do I Love Thee? written for her husband Robert Browning-1850.

 

The depth and breadth and height of my love matches the depth, breadth and height of my grief;

my soul finds you missing,

again and again.

…I am thinking today of my perfect dance partner, the one who made me laugh and made my happiness a key ingredient of his own.

…I am thinking about the a,b,c’s of sharing a life together; the tuning in that became automatic, the brave, difficult times of vulnerability and honesty; the infinite amount of caring love demands. 

 

My soul cannot fully reach you, you who are out of reach, out of sight in spite of a Grace that tells me otherwise;

…sometimes I feel the weight of you sitting at the foot of my bed and wonder if I’m losing my mind.

…the energy you effect from your distant location to my immediate reality….how do you do that?

…feet on this earth and you far from me; yet not.

…grace says you’re here—gives me glimpses.

In separation and widowhood, I seek you in the level of every day’s need,

quiet or noisy, sturdy, or weak;

by sun or by candle-light.

…invisible hands helping;

…I am the “I” now, not the “we”; 

…just me and the pup who never met you 

…kindness from afar I believe, yet elusive.

“I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life . . . “

…love lasting beyond the grave;

…moon gazes down saying “Not fully gone” while mind begs to differ.

…only a breath away?

…perhaps.

“and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death—e.b.b.”

…quite a lot to take in; requiring more than I can muster at times;

…I want to believe it possible.

and perhaps, my love, that is enough.