All Photos my own It’s been a good week. Surprisingly good, for the time of year. A slew of special events and treats. Lots of variety – much more than in recent COVID-times – including a flight and a visit to another country! What’s not to love? And all with the underlay of loss and […]
Multiple Losses
Uncharted Territory
Photos my own Yesterday I had my 54th birthday. An age Mike never made. He made 53 and 8 ½ months-ish. I was aware, to the date, 8th December 2020, when I became the age, to the actual day, that he died. Every day since then has felt even more like a gift. I noticed […]
Breaking Bad
Main image by Denis Oliveira on Unsplash Anyone who reads these blogposts and/or asks me how I am doing and waits for the pause while I run my eyes over their face, their ears over their voice, my brain’s interpretation system over their written words to assess for “checking in” or “real interest”, (and assuming […]
Crumpling Face Like No Other
Images of Geraldine Chaplin taken from “The Crown” on Netflix I continue to watch “The Crown”, at the rate of one or two episodes a week. I started in January and perhaps I will have finished all four series by the end of April if curfews stay in place. Every so often after an episode […]
Daily Reflections on Love – part one
Image by Engin Akyurt on Unsplash I have a daily gratitude writing practice that started at the beginning of 2020. Megan had given me a gratitude diary for Christmas in which it was suggested you write five things that you had to look forward to that day, then one thing at the end of the […]
Why her? Why him? Why now?
Main image by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash Medjool has a precious childhood friend – let’s call him Yves – who is still very much a presence in his life today. To say that Yves is spiritually aware, spiritually curious, even spiritually provocative, would be an understatement. I am not privy to much of their conversations […]
The Dentist is in the Details
For many who are widowed and many who suffer extreme loss and grief, the start back to “normal” is a long and winding road. Even tasks that we consider “everyday automatics” can be pushed aside or delayed. Some days it’s hard to just get out of bed let alone brush your teeth. Each thing you […]
Hard Beliefs to Swallow
One of the myriad books that’s been on my list forever is Gary Zukav’s 1989 book “The Seat of the Soul”. It’s been recommended to me by many people over the years, not least Oprah and Maya Angelou, as well as my “Grief Therapist” Tom Zuba. It finally made it into my Audible library and […]
Safety Behind Locked Doors
Safety. It’s the basis of all our primary needs. Safety, security and stability, when any or all of these are threatened, we go into survival mode. As someone who is widowed, these are in constant fluctuation for me. I have had calm days, stressed days and anxious days. The fear of being unsafe is something […]
Sabre-Toothed Tigers on French Country Roads
I am on a French TGV, leaving behind me my parents who live south of Perpignan. The train left the station about 25 minutes ago and I am already in the lagoon-rich part of South East France, pink flamingos on either side of the train; the normally blue lagoons turned a pale shade of grey […]
Hello Wall
One of my favourite ever films is Shirley Valentine. It came out in 1989 when I was 22 and had already been in relationship with Mike for two years. I remember feeling so sure that I would not while my life away, or stick around being unappreciated and taken advantage of. Most of the story […]
Terry, I wish I’d tried harder to love you while you were still alive
I like to claim that “I don’t do guilt”. It’s not that “I don’t do guilt at all”, it’s more that I try to catch any guilt quickly and figure out if the guilt is bringing anything of value. Mostly it’s not. Same same with regrets. I like to say “I don’t regret things”. Again, […]