Monday, April 29, marks the one year passing of my father. At times it seems like it was just last week that he passed in his Assisted Living Facility in Georgia.
I’d been an advocate for my father since he’d moved south from New Jersey to live with my late husband, Rich and I, in March 2021, when it was determined for several reasons that it was best for him to stay with us. My dad had been diagnosed with dementia and by July it was decided that he’d be admitted to an Assisted Living Facility in Florida, just over the border from our home. Due to her own health concerns, my mom would join us here in the South nine months later where she and my dad would eventually live together at another facility back in Georgia.
To say all this movement was exhausting, coupled with the sudden loss of Rich, is an understatement. But when you have parents in their mid 90s with specific care needs you do what you think is best in the moment. As I’ve written before; each widowed journey is unique, as is the path to obtaining the right care for aging parents. There is no one-size-fits all and I often speak to many who are unaware and unprepared for the major and difficult decisions they are soon to face with their own parents or guardians.
With Rich’s passing in October 2021, I spent a lot of time in the following months visiting my father who was by then staying just 10 minutes from my home. I recall bringing my puppy, Quint, with me to his residence and watching the Winter Olympic Games on a large screen television in a community room with him. A former wrestling and football coach, he was still a huge sports fan. Those times spent there together will always be a special memory for me.
My dad had loved Rich as a son-in-law, but by this time his shorter term memory was fading and he went from asking where Rich was to asking if I was, “seeing anyone.” At the time I wasn’t, but I had fun inventing silly names and occupations for my phantom boyfriends each time he’d ask.
In the six months time between my father leaving our home to go to assisted care and the passing of my husband, Rich and I would often recall some “funny” moments with my dad. One night I awoke at 1:00am to find him at the dining room table with a big tote packed with items. He told me he was waiting for a ride because he wasn’t needed here anymore. When I looked through his tote I exclaimed, “No! You can’t take the Scrubbing Bubbles!” which made him laugh. I think he thought it was shaving cream. Rich came out to help and we finally convinced him we really needed him here, and the Scrubbing Bubbles, and my dad finally returned to bed.
Another time I awoke to find him roaming the hallway with clothes under his arms. He told me he was shopping and ready to check out. I told him the purchase was on me and to get back in the car. He loved that!
Even with all his challenges, he was always happy, possessed a sly sense of humor and loved to sing, although toward the end he became angered by noisy situations and those with loud voices. Unfortunately at Assisted Living Facilities that is often unavoidable.
A week before he passed, my father, a WWII Veteran, received honors for his Service in the US Navy and Coast Guard with my mom and brother, John in attendance. My family is thankful for the staff at Lakes Crossing in Kingsland, GA, for arranging that.
My dad was a good friend, teacher, coach, mentor and great parent. He instilled in me a love of nature and animals. He suffered the loss of two children, but still celebrated the one’s that remained. I believe he is at peace with my mom having recently joining him in the afterlife.
For these thoughts I am grateful.
