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What is Grief . . .

Posted on: October 24, 2023 | Posted by: Kathie Neff

. . . someone asked.

a puzzle

an enigma

one long and unpredictable complication

. . . a testament to love.

 

grief

 

the remnant from the flood

 

proof that love existed

 

love’s receipt.

 

 

The poet, John O’Donohue says it best:

 

For Grief

man standing on cliff near ocean
Image by Pierre Bamin via unsplash.com

When you lose someone you love,

Your life becomes strange,

The ground beneath you gets fragile,

Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;

And some dead echo drags your voice down

Where words have no confidence.

 

Your heart has grown heavy with loss;

And though this loss has wounded others too,

No one knows what has been taken from you

When the silence of absence deepens.

 

Flickers of guilt kindle regret

For all that was left unsaid or undone.

 

There are days when you wake up happy;

Again inside the fullness of life,

Until the moment breaks

And you are thrown back

Onto the black tide of loss.

 

Days when you have your heart back,

You are able to function well

Until in the middle of work or encounter,

Suddenly with no warning,

You are ambushed by grief.

 

It becomes hard to trust yourself.

All you can depend on now is that

Sorrow will remain faithful to itself.

More than you, it knows its way

And you will find the right time

To pull and pull the rope of grief

Until that coiled hill of tears

Has reduced to its last drop.

 

Gradually, you will learn acquaintance

With the invisible form of your departed;

And when the work of grief is done,

The wound of loss will heal

And you will have learned

To wean your eyes

From that gap in the air

And be able to enter the hearth

In your soul where your loved one

Has awaited your return

All the time.

 

To Bless the Space Between Us, by John O’Donohue

Categories: Newly Widowed, Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Suddenly, Widowed by Illness, Widowed by Suicide, Multiple Losses

About Kathie Neff

Kathie Neff was widowed on April 15, 2021. She and her beloved husband, Dan, were high school sweethearts and enjoyed dancing and riding horses together. They lived in gratitude, hope and forgiveness for 50 years and nine months when Dan passed quietly late at night, surrounded by their seven children who, with Kathie, were caring for him in their family home.

Dan and Kathie have been a part of Camp Widow and Soaring Spirits International since its inception, as members of Michele Neff Hernandez’s cadre of helpers from the Neff family.

Kathie believes strongly in the strength and bond that is the gift of community and brings a heart of love for all who have been affected by death and dying.

Long live love. XO

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