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Widowed & Unmarried

My Grief Ghost Visits the Week Before Widowed

Posted on: April 10, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

I knew he was fading away faster and faster. I knew that Tin’s last day was soon but you don’t know until you know. We fit in frozen yogurt, going out to dinner, the beach and visiting the aquarium just one last time. I didn’t know it was the list of lasts. I didn’t know […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The “Better Place”

Posted on: April 3, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

“It’s so hard to lose someone but remember he’s in a…” I’ve always struggled with religion. I was raised Irish Catholic and being gay was not accepted the way it is more openly today. I’m not sharing this to start a discussion on religious beliefs but to paint a picture of this aspect of my […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Grief Keeper

Posted on: March 27, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

For almost 3 years, I have been writing each week. I missed a few here and there but that’s life. Year 1 was a fog. Year 2 was sharp realizations. Year 3, I finally accepted that Clayton was not coming back and it was time to focus less on losing him and more on keeping […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Bachelor of Grief

Posted on: March 20, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

I never wanted to apply and enroll here at Widowed University. I’ve always been opened to learning more in life but I never wanted this education. Like I said last week, the build up to Clayton’s death day is one of the hardest times of the year for me. Two years last April I got […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Grief Gifts

Posted on: March 13, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

One month away from the third anniversary of Clayton’s passing and some moments it feels like it was just yesterday. Each year has had its challenges and this year I’ve lost our cat Stallone. I’ve written before that it’s the build up to certain dates that’s worse then the actual days themselves. Each season has […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Signs from Loved One, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

I Miss the Early Days

Posted on: March 7, 2021 | Posted by: Victoria Helmly

In a new episode of New Amsterdam, they briefly showed the characters (they all work in a hospital in New York) in the midst of COVID-19–the bruised faces, the tears, and the death. The episode begins in a “post-COVID” world, but they do not ignore the effects of it. One character is still on a […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Emotions

The Escape Room

Posted on: March 6, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Part of my widowed journey is getting the opportunity to get away from home. Staying in the apartment that Clayton and I both lived has its benefits and its challenges. He hung up the art and organized the furniture. Everything here holds whispers of his style and view of interior design. I’m coming up on […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Dentist is in the Details

Posted on: February 27, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

For many who are widowed and many who suffer extreme loss and grief, the start back to “normal” is a long and winding road. Even tasks that we consider “everyday automatics” can be pushed aside or delayed. Some days it’s hard to just get out of bed let alone brush your teeth. Each thing you […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Multiple Losses

Jealousy & Guilt

Posted on: February 21, 2021 | Posted by: Victoria Helmly

Today, I feel jealous…and guilty for feeling that way. I don’t want to be jealous of other people’s lives, but I am. I want to only feel happiness for the people around me who are getting engaged, getting married, having children, or buying a home. But, the truth is, when I hear about it or […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Emotions

Safety Behind Locked Doors

Posted on: February 20, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Safety. It’s the basis of all our primary needs. Safety, security and stability, when any or all of these are threatened, we go into survival mode. As someone who is widowed, these are in constant fluctuation for me. I have had calm days, stressed days and anxious days. The fear of being unsafe is something […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Multiple Losses, Miscellaneous

“There is No Remedy for Love but to Love More”

Posted on: February 14, 2021 | Posted by: Victoria Helmly

The past three days have been loaded with all the feels. Friday was Lunar New Year, which is an important holiday for Boris’s family. They usually celebrated as a family in some way and he’d always get a little red envelope with money. I know the holiday must be challenging for his parents and sister […]

Categories: Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Signs from Loved One

Wid-OWED

Posted on: February 13, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Wid-OWED This week has been tough. I have had conversations with probate court to try and finalize Clayton’s Will and picked up Stallone’s (our cat) ashes back from the veterinarian. Now he and Clayton sit on a bookshelf until we can figure out a funeral for them. I’m coming up on 3 years since Clayton […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Belongings, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

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