After a lengthy string of beautiful, warm days, it’s raining and cool in Tucson today. Lola the pup is making the best of it, however, there is no run in the park in store for her on this day. Even on an enjoyable extended holiday such as this one, there are bound to be a few bumps and low spots.
I am prepared to flip my calendar from February to March, but already I can sense that the end of my Winter getaway is fast approaching. In less than one month, now, the wonder dog and I will be back on the road, someplace, hurtling towards home.
So far, this year’s excursion has been less action-packed than my first go-around in Tucson. There is a pleasant familiarity to this place. I remember most street names and easily navigate around town. I see people whom I met here last year in addition to meeting a few new ones. Most folks are pleasant enough, but the truth is that aside from a few old friends from back home who have relocated to Tucson, I don’t have a wide social circle of people to count on here.
Robyn has already come and gone after making her brief annual visit. To be sure, this place would be even more enjoyable for me if she were more inclined to share it, but it’s not a subject I plan to bring up for discussion any time soon, especially given Robyn’s deep antipathy toward Tucson and the fact I chose this place to be my destination.
I accept that Robyn doesn’t like Tucson, just like I accept it when she says that she is not ready to stop working.
I have a harder time accepting it when she insists that she wouldn’t live in the city. The reason is that living in a suburb, especially a dreary and mundane one like the place she settled into during one of her past lives, is for me a total non-starter. It is something we will need to resolve before entertaining whether we are going to make a serious, permanent commitment. Still, I assume this day will arrive. With each passing year, it will be a little harder to avoid serious discussions about our prospects for a joint future.
Today, along with family, friends, and neighbors, I have numerous connections to home that suit my independent lifestyle. These connections make living alone more than tolerable but are inadequate to make me feel complete and wholly satisfied. And, if I am honest about things, I haven’t felt a sense of completeness and deep satisfaction since Lee was healthy and alive. I don’t believe this is just my idealized memory of the way things were between us, although admittedly it has now been a long time.
Yet, it is a feeling that I would like to recapture, if possible. Being here on a rainy day in Tucson makes it feel acute.