During her recent visit to Tucson, Robyn mentioned that she was scheduled to take a medical test once she returned home. She was upset by the prospect and visibly concerned. Thankfully, it seems she is okay.
Of course, it’s natural to feel the way Robyn was feeling. The worry that comes with the suspense of not knowing can be hard to bear.
Yet, as bad as this experience was for Robyn, I knew it would pale next to learning that something was wrong.
***
I always thought it unfair for Lee to have been on the receiving end of so much medical bad news: breast cancer, head and neck cancer, then a second episode of head and neck cancer (to say nothing of her countless episodes of skin cancer). Thankfully, each time she overcame and recovered her health, or, should I say, we overcame because we truly were in it together. For me, the worst part was always a sense of utter helplessness to provide my wife with the cure she deserved.
As it turned out for us, her worst cases of cancer arrived unexpectedly. Lee was diagnosed with devastating colon cancer after an annual and routine colonoscopy. Before this diagnosis, she never had even a single polyp show up on any prior examination. Lee always experienced hard luck when it came to her health.
In this case, however, the disease was made worse by serious – and avoidable– mistakes involving her cancer “treatment.” I will go to my grave convinced that these errors robbed Lee of a longer, better life. What I can say with certainty is that by the time Lee finally was released from the hospital where she was treated for the toxic side effects of chemotherapy, she was a shadow. It was shocking and sad to watch my wife struggle to regain her former vigor.
Just as Lee was starting to feel herself at last, a final and shocking twist of the knife occurred when her initial post-hospitalization scan revealed she had now developed pancreatic cancer. This remorseless killer took her life in less than one year, and Lee suffered terribly in her last months.
***
It is nearly five years since our eyes met one last time before she passed on quietly. Not a day goes by when Lee is not in my mind.
Even so, I can say truthfully that I live in the moment. Robyn is a major part of my present.
While I do not dwell on the past, my past and present occasionally blend unexpectedly. Learning about Robyn’s impending test had taken me back in time. And I must confess that before she got the test results, I could not help but wonder whether history was about to repeat itself.
