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Widowed Without Children

The Upside Down

Posted on: January 9, 2021 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

I have always had trouble when I’m told that there is no way out and no solution to things. Apparently, looking back at my writing, that fact holds true even in loss and grief. I didn’t realize at first but it explains my anger when I was hit with the regular “whys?” and the “what […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Table for One? No Thanks. I’ll Just Wait At The Bar.

Posted on: December 5, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Some may love going out to eat alone but for me it is emotional. Even waiting for takeout can be tough. Grabbing dinner this week, I sat at the bar and got an awkward look from one group. I’m sure it was nothing but that doesn’t mean my feelings weren’t valid. Whatever it was that […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Pain and Possibilities of “Yes”

Posted on: November 28, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

The first thing I learned to do when Clayton passed away was say “No”. I said no to getting out of bed, no to eating, no to showering, no to the gym. No was the safest place I could hide myself. Saying no stopped the world and that is just where I wanted to be. […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed and New Love, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Return To Me

Posted on: October 10, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Today, I find myself in Texas near Houston. A speaking engagement planned almost a year ago. It has been a long time since I have been able to travel, speak and feel the energy in a room of people. This new world we live in can be suffocating especially for a widowed man who sometimes […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

I Don’t Think I Could Stay

Posted on: September 27, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Talking to someone who has lost a loved one isn’t the easiest situation. Many people get anxious, some shut down, some unintentionally say the wrong thing. I try to remember that they are hoping to meet me in a space of support by saying something and when that something comes out wrong (which it inevitably […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Gazing Through Grief

Posted on: August 15, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

So many things have triggered my grief. It all comes down to five senses. There are the predictable ones that stand out like catching the scent of his cologne lingering in the breeze from a man passing by or the lyrics of a song that strike the strings of my heart. The taste of his […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Keeper of the Lighthouse

Posted on: August 1, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Grief’s gaze. I knew it as soon as I got it this week. It’s that look you get from someone who has just suffered a new great loss. It conveys so much with so little. It’s so very different from the look they give to others all around them. Yeah it’s quite a powerful look […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Multiple Losses

I Have A Sometimes Invisible, Often Chronic, Incurable Condition – I Have Grief.

Posted on: July 25, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

Hello, For those of you new around here, Hi I’m Bryan. I’m a director of animal care at an aquarium. I’m passionately obsessed with essential oils and environmentally safe products. I’m a son, brother, uncle, cousin and a friend. I love to dance. I love to make others smile. I want to make the world […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

The Fear in Forgetting

Posted on: May 30, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

A regular weekend morning cleaning the house and my phone rings. It’s Judy, Clayton’s mother. I haven’t been able to get her on the phone in months. She had a stroke two weeks after Clayton passed away. She was never able to back to her home. She was flown up to Illinois to stay in […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Season of Anger

Posted on: March 28, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

I try to stay pretty positive but I’m already furious at all of those people who are complaining they are going crazy being stuck at home with their spouses and their children. I understand how this weird situation can be on everyone but can they just manage one week of being inconvenienced before jumping on […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Smoothing Out the Sea Glass

Posted on: February 22, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

The intense emotions of losing Clayton are fewer these days. I don’t know if that’s a blessing or a curse. Double-edged sword I suppose. On one hand there is constant aching you can expect day after day. On the other hand you find reprieve from the bands of meteorological mess. Joy slips in, you drop […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Multiple Losses, Miscellaneous

Moving Forward….

Posted on: February 15, 2020 | Posted by: Bryan Martin

My second Valentine’s without you. The first one was a fog. The second one I’m wide awake with full clarity to feel all the feelings. To say today is fine would be dishonest. Today is hard but I know that I’ll be ok. I am safe. Since Tin’s passing, I have found that my open […]

Categories: Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Without Children, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed

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