Rich passed on a Thursday. By Friday morning it became apparent that I had to make final arrangements for him. Throughout nearly 30 years together, Rich and I had attended many funerals and services for friends and family members. “Please don’t ever have one of those for me,” he’d commented on numerous occasions after attending […]
Military Widowed
Hope as a Helpful Diversion
After I’d edited and saved last week’s post, The Fine Art of Inoculation, my home experienced a powerful surge followed by a brief power outage. I later found out, however, that some of my neighbors had experienced a longer period of time without power. Because of the precise timing of its occurrence, I suspect that […]
Pumping Gas on “Ruff” Roads
Did you know that Oregon and New Jersey are the only states of our nation that do not require drivers to pump their own gas? As a Jersey Girl, it wasn’t until my husband passed that I actually had to fuel my own car. Recently I’ve recalled many journeys on which my late husband, Rich […]
See You Down the Road~
To all of you, My community here… To Michele Neff Hernandez, for responding to the email I sent her after reading a Widows Voice blog in my newsfeed and deciding that I wanted to be one of the weekly writers. She called me to get acquainted, and then offered me Wednesday’s space to voice my […]
Full Moons and Memories~
I danced under the full moon tonight. It was the Super Flower Blood Moon and I was on the beach in North Carolina. The air was balmy, the breeze whispering on my skin, and the ocean waves rolled back and forth easily. It was perfect. In those moments my heart held all the nights and […]
Grief~
Cover yourself with their ashes. Rake them through your hair and paint them onto your skin. Curl into a ball on the floor, Arms wrapped around your body. Let your gut release the abject pain of grief. Of sorrow. Of devastation. Wail into the forever-ness of loss. Let it envelop you and seep through you […]
This Thing Named Grief~
Your loss is yours. How you grieve the death of the person you loved is on your terms. Nobody else’s. It is yours. Your timeline. Your tears. Your laughter…because laughter really is somehow tied up into the mixture of grief. There is no other timeline other than your own. There is no measuring tape for […]
The Goodbye Times~
Remember that old song 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover? A song that carries a very different meaning from when your Lover leaves you at the end of his/her life. I’m thinking of all the goodbyes I’ve said in my life, and how none of them were easy in any way. Goodbyes aren’t meant to […]
This Terrain of Absence~
Life in the after is strange and weird and ill-fitting . What once was no longer is. Our physical world changes as intensely as our emotional world after our person dies. Even if our surroundings are the same, there is a person missing from those surroundings. The chair where our person sat. The table where […]
An Odyssey of Love~
Once upon a time… A man stole my heart Right out of my chest. It’s ok that he stole it, Because he gave me his in return. He held my heart so carefully with his two hands. This man, dressed in the uniform of the US Air Force, Pledged to Love me, cherish me, honor […]
My Recipe. I Don’t Have One~
As I approach the 8 year mark, That will always be 7 years for me, Because how can I bear to count further the years you are missing from me? I have no secret recipe, no sweet story of how I got from there… April 21, 2013 to here… April 21, 2021. If someone were […]
My Why, Why, Why~
Raise your hand if you’ve been asked why you still talk about your dead person. Raise your other hand if you’ve been judged as hanging on. Stand up if you’ve been asked how long will this grief continue? Now stand on the nearest chair and balance really well. This chair is your soapbox. You don’t […]