Weekends are often difficult and long for widowed people, and holiday weekends are especially challenging. So many of us have distant, and not so distant, memories of holidays gone by. For me, the Memorial Day Weekend holds many.
Places like the New Jersey Shore, embrace the unofficial beginning of the summer season even though summer doesn’t officially begin for another month. There are parties, cook outs, big sales, and if the weather cooperates trips to the beaches, boating and freshly opened pools. Like most weekends, activities center around having fun and spending some relaxing time with spouses or significant others. When your person is no longer here, however, holidays like this one celebrated this weekend can bring sadness and longing instead.
It helps for me to try to embrace the reason that a holiday was created and place the focus on that. Memorial Day was established to remember and honor all of those who paid the ultimate sacrifice while serving this country. According to the Wounded Warrior website, ‘Americans began to recognize Memorial Day in 1868, and the country established it as a federal holiday in1971. Originally known as “Decoration Day,” the holiday started with communities coming together to decorate the graves of those who died during service.’
As the website also importantly states, ‘Memorial Day is a reminder of the brave men and women who served our country and gave their lives for our freedom…It’s not just a day off; it’s a time to think about why we remember these heroes. For veterans, it’s a chance to honor those who are no longer here. It’s also not appropriate to thank a service member for their service on this day, as it is a day for remembering and honoring those who made the ultimate sacrifice…Use this day to show how grateful we are for their bravery, and as a promise that we’ll always remember their courage and sacrifice.’ To learn more about its history and how to meaningful observe visit: https://newsroom.woundedwarriorproject.org/What-is-Memorial-Day-Facts-Meaning-and-History
My late husband, Rich, served as a Navy Corpsman during the early stages of the Vietnam war. A Navy Corpsman is an enlisted medical specialist providing primary healthcare, emergency truama care and battlefield medicine to Sailors, Marines and their families. Often referred to as “Doc,” they are the most decorated enlisted corps in the U.S. Navy, frequently deployed directly alongside the Marine Corps.
Later in life, Rich served as Bar Chairman for one of the most active American Legion Posts in New Jersey in Brick Township. Affectionately dubbed The Post with a View it features a number of boat slips situated on a beautiful stretch of the Beaver Dam Creek off of the Metedeconk River. He truly enjoyed his time spent there.
On Veterans Day each November, he would graciously accept the, “Thanks for your service,” accolades that came his way. Often he donned his favorite cap that read, ‘Corpsman Up’ and ‘Doc’. On Memorial Day, however, he reminded those appreciative few that this was an observance for those who served but were no longer here.
Although Rich didn’t pass during active service, this day reminds me of his personal sacrifice and contribution to this world. This weekend also brings a strong sense of nostalgia as he loved the beginning of each summer season and came to life during this time of year. He looked forward to boating, crabbing, and just relaxing with our friends, family and neighbors in our waterfront community at the Jersey Shore. I miss those good times and I’m so glad for them.
And I’d be remiss if I didn’t share another memory tightly woven into this weekend, the birthday of my late nephew, Zac, who was born on the 28th of May in 1982 and passed on the 25th of May 2022, days before his 40th birthday. The only son of my late sister, Manette, in his youth, Zac was a model with the Wilhelmina Agency in NYC, and later a graduate of the Institute of Culinary Education in Manahattan. He was a talented soccer player, master builder and dog-lover. I helped to raise him and he would often call me his Other Mother. I’m fortunate to still have in my life his girlfriend, Aleli, my honorary daughter-in-law. He is truly missed by many.
For those struggling today in the grief of widowhood, and other losses, try to get through this holiday hour-by-hour. Many are feeling the same way. Find some small way to be grateful for what you still have no matter how difficult.
Have a restful and restorative long weekend and remember, rather than “Happy Memorial Day,” come Monday, say something like “Have a meaningful Memorial Day.”
