Another holiday weekend looms and I know even two day ordinary weekends bring emotional struggles for the widowed population. These occasions are often hollow reminders of what is no longer. No matter where we stand on the timeline of grief, none of us can escape the memories of past holidays, for better or worse, each with their seasonal and emotional highlights.
When Rich and I lived at the New Jersey Shore, he was at one time heavily involved in our local American Legion Post, one of the most active in the entire state. As the Bar Chairman, he was especially busy during the summer months when in addition to the inside canteen (bar) the beautiful creekside Tiki Bar was in full-swing.
The weekend before the Memorial Day weekend, officers were installed and big plans were made for the upcoming holiday with a parade, cook-out and of course solemn ceremonies recalling all those that sacrificed to serve this nation.
For a time, I served as Sergeant of Arms for the Ladies Auxiliary Unit of that Post and participated in a large parade in town. As we marched by onlookers shouted at paraders, “Thank you for your Service.”
Although it was always good to hear people acknowledging those that had served, many in the military community remind us that Memorial Day honors those that lost their lives in service to their country. Veteran’s Day, observed in November, is the time for thanking those still here.
For many, Memorial Day has become just another reason for a three-day weekend, parties, boating, summer movie releases and online and brick-and-mortar sales events. I know at the shore, it was the unofficial start of summer, sometimes celebrated in 80 degree temperatures, others “endured” in rainy days with temps barely in the 70s, often a combination of both within the three-day period highlighting the fickle weather of the Northeast.
Rich was very proud of serving as a revered Navy Corpsman,”Doc” as they are called, the equivalent of an Army Medic. He wore his Corpsman hat proudly and often when we were out, people would come over to shake his hand and thank him for serving in that role. He was also very proud to serve as “bar manager” in a position that wasn’t always easy and required many skills and patience.
For me, this holiday also recalls my nephew, Zac, who born just about this time, died one day before his 40th birthday three years ago on May 27. He was the only son of my late-sister, Manette, who departed in 2018, which brings even a stronger emotional component to this time of year.
Compound grief is a real thing and although there are many “tools” to help us through, sometimes it is best to just be alone to deal with it all; tend to the homes, care for the dogs, work out, work in the yard and appreciate those who inhabit our lives in the present.
Speaking of dogs, I would be remiss not to also say that Memorial Day also includes remembering and honoring all the Military Dogs that sacrificed their lives to protect us as well. I thank Post # 348 of Brick, NJ, for their continual sponsorship of the Captain Will Judy Special Award for the Dog Writers Association of America each year.
I like to say there’s no time like the present, and there’s no present like “the time”. Have faith in the day and you will find your way.
