“The hardest walk you can make is alone, but it’s the walk that will make you stronger.” This is easier said than done. When you have a partner in life, someone who you know has your back no matter what. Someone who will shelter you during the storm. Someone who is willing to die for you before they let you suffer. Then all of a sudden you are…

When calls my heart To the distant past that is both yesterday and incalculably forever ago. When calls my heart To those feelings and emotions that seem so far distant And so deeply buried That they are unreachable.  Unrememberable.  Cherished.  Loved.  Nurtured.  Secure.  In Love.  Joyous.  Passionate.  Spontaneous.  Upbeat. What…

Imagine if every time we fell asleep we found ourselves in a dream with them. Where we could still be with them, living as though nothing had changed. No fear of falling asleep but rather looking forward to slumber. They still breathe, but only in your dreams. Would it be enough? Recreating their lives, your lives together. Purely with your…

So next week, Im flying to Tampa, Florida, and attending Camp Widow for the 11th or 12th time, I think. I honestly have lost track of how many times I have attended as a presenter and given my comedic talk / performance on grief and loss. Maybe that’s a good thing, maybe it’s a bad thing, maybe its just a thing.    Who cares.    At the end of…

My husband is not gone from my life.   He is not here to regale us with his stories…I must retell them as best I can remember, with little or none of the flair I remember him having. He is not here to sing to us, to dance with his grandchildren, to laugh with his family.   But he is still around. I’m in Orlando at Disney World as I begin to…

The colors of widowhood. I reflect on them sometimes. The colors we wear. The colors we strive to wear personally and the colors social structures put on us, or expect from us. Maybe not so much in words, maybe not consciously, But still there. Black widows are the female spiders that kill their mates after…mating. It is the term used to refer to…

Hmmm, what to write about?  Yes, it’s another one of those “blank stare” kind of days.  I’ve poured my soul into writing here, week in and week out, for almost two years now, and if you’ve followed along, you know that every once in awhile… …there just isn’t anything to say.I could talk about Shelby turning ten, but I did that…

I have been told several times over the past two years I suffer from PSTD. I have never agreed to this diagnosis. I do not feel worthy of it. When I think of this condition I think of soldiers. People who witnessed horrific events. My tragedy is mine. I can recall very clearly the fire trucks, police and ambulances passing me, heading to him, only…

The day before Joey died we went to a BBQ restaurant I used to work at. It had been ages since we had been in there and was good to see some old faces. That was the last meal we had together. Him, our youngest son, and me. I hate the food there probably from working there for so long but Joey loved it. I was getting ready to go out of the town for…