For the past year I have been lucky enough to share my life and thoughts with you all. My time as come to end, another chapter finished. It has been a blessing to have the opportunity to write for such an amazing organization. And although the point may have been to help those getting through one of the hardest times of their life, this has really…
Sending Wishes to Heaven
Every holiday has its dark moments especially with the kids. You always feel like they are missing out on something no matter how great you make it. Father’s Day may be the worse. The first one after Joey passed was only a month after. I was still very numb and couldn’t even bring it to myself to wish my father a happy Father’s Day. I choose to…
I wear my heart on my arm
Everyone has their own kind of therapy when someone they love passes. Mine was tattoos. It was nice to sit in a room and feel a different kind of pain, a kind that I could control. Physical pain seems to be so much easier than mental pain. So over the course of six months I filled my entire left arm with different things that reminded me of Joey.
Take me home, to the place I belong..
This weekend we took our traditional camping trip with my parents. My oldest son as been going since he was two. It’s a big blue grass festival, which isn’t really my thing but it’s always a blast. We go up into the mountains where there is no wifi, no tv, no ac. Just you, the ones you love and nature. It’s easy to be happy up there. To forget…
The End of Another Chapter
When Joey passed away my kids went to a small preschool near where we live. I never imagined how important this place would become to me. The day after his accident my daughters teacher showed up at my house, I was a little surprised because her and I weren’t very close. But she said she felt like she needed to be there and would just sit if that…
Daddy’s Girl
From the moment our daughter, Ryann was born Joey was madly in love with her. She has always been his princess and although he loved his boys, his love for her was different. The worst part of Joeys passing has always been the pain the children feel. The fact that they will have to grow up without their dad and never be able to experience life…
Mother’s Day
Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing moms out there. Especially the ones who are doing it solo. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done. Being a mom is something I always wanted and I love my children. I love having a big family. But it’s definitely not something I wanted to do alone. Now I’m mom and dad. I’m working two jobs and going back to…
May 9, 2015
May 9,2015. The day my life changed forever. Two years have passed and I am still trying to wrap my head around it. The death certificate says the 10th but I was there. Joey died at that accident scene. He was dead when they pulled him out of the water. He was traveling at 100 miles an hour when he hit that guard rail. He was ejected from the truck…
I want my why
I have been told time and time again don’t ask why. It will drive you mad. I have been told there are something’s you will never have answers for. You must let go. In other people’s dark hours have have given this same advice. But the truth is I want my why! I want my answers! I have been laying in a hospital bed for three days now. I was…
Happy 6th Birthday
Today is my son Jacobs 6th birthday. Birthdays are always different now. I do my best to give the kids what they want and celebrate but there’s a hole. Someone is missing. How can you celebrate the birth of your child without their daddy. I just don’t know if it will ever be the same. Jacobs 4th birthday was the last one Joey was apart of. I don’t…
Dear new widows,
About a month ago a woman, with whom I worked briefly, experienced the death of her son by suicide. I did not reach out to her until last week. I wanted to, but I also knew she was being bomb barded with emails texts and phone calls. When I did write to her, I just wrote the truth, the raw very un-pc truth. I did not expect a response; I just hoped…
Bulldogs
Sometimes when you lose someone you hold on to every Tangible item you can. Joey was raised with bulldogs and it was his dream to breed his own dogs and show them. He was great at anything he did and his dogs were no exception. He created his own bloodline of beautiful healthy bulldogs. When he was alive he would tell me if anything happen to him…