Life is not fair. Some of us get the short end of the stick. Some of us have Tragedy strike us but still see our blessings. Some of us get a perfect life and never any heartache. That’s not true at all everyone experiences some kind of loss, it’s a matter of opinion who has it worse. I have an uncle who has been widowed for 11 years. I see him a…
Silver linings
Sometimes we have to sit back and do some serious reflecting. I am not by any meanings taking away from anyone’s pain. My pain is mine and it’s real. I’m dealing with the grief still of losing my husband while trying to raise four children. I am dealing with a medical condition that is never going to go away and could possibly wheelchair bound me.
I’m Tired
I am tired of being brave. I am tired of being strong. I am tired of being a hero and inspiration to everyone around me. You don’t know how I do it? Neither do I. I wish I could break sometimes. I wish I could just stop. I wish I could take option B. But I can’t. I don’t know how to. So I just cry and scream. And wonder why me. But nothing changes.
A good week
When I sit down to write I allow myself to be honest and have emotions that I normally hold in come out. That’s no different this week, but I have decided to bring some light this time. I had a normal week four kids, work, and doctors’ appointments. I have my break downs that happen out of nowhere still. The weirdest things will trigger them. I…
Happy 15th Birthday
November 20, 2001 I gave birth to my first child. Four years later Joey came into our lives and welcomed Dominic with open arms. Dominic had Joey longer than any of his biological children. And was always treated as one of his. Over the years there became intention in their relationship. Dominic rebelled against Joey, mainly because he had a father…
To my kids, I’m sorry
Some weeks are just harder than others. Some weeks everything just weighs on me more. This was one of those weeks. I love my kids with everything I have. I honestly don’t think I would of gotten through any of this without them. They have always been my reason for living. For pushing forward, for fighting through the grief and never going off the…
Quilts and Flowers
This week I took two huge steps in this journey of grief. I did not plan on them happening in the same week or even on the same day. But that’s what ended up happening. It’s weird how when you change things in your home or your life the different emotions that come with it. I always feel so much guilt when I move his stuff out of the place he left…
Learning to Celebrate Again
Ever since Joey and I started dating we always celebrate the holidays, we did them big! Halloween was always one of our favorites we would always dress up together and once we had children we made it a family affair. Christmas was always big in our house as well. Lots of decorations and family activities. This time of year was just always very…
Living his list
So I did it. I made it to Key West, honestly I didn’t know if I would. It didn’t seem like it would ever be reality, it would just always be this far away dream that I could never really grasp. Leading up to the trip, even just writing a pre Key West blog, I did not allow myself to be excited. I didn’t want to jinx anything. But we landed…
Key West or Bust
May 15th, 2015 is a day I will never forget. I was supposed to be on a plane headed to Key West. This was going to be our best trip yet. We had the whole long weekend planned out. Two of our best friends were going with us. It was going to be an epic unforgettable trip. But as life would have it I instead stood in front of about 300 people and gave…
Smile, even when it’s hard
When I sit down to write I allow myself to be honest and have emotions that I normally hold in come out. That’s no different this week, but I have decided to bring some light this time. I had a normal week four kids, work, and doctors’ appointments. I have my break downs that happen out of nowhere still. The weirdest things will trigger them. I…
Cole turns 3
My youngest son just turned three! Birthdays are always a fun time for our family, it’s a time to come together and really celebrate life. Last year for his second birthday I didn’t do it as big as I normally do. I was still in a very dark state, I knew I had to celebrate his birthday but honestly I didn’t want to. So this year I made sure to…