“The hardest walk you can make is alone, but it’s the walk that will make you stronger.” This is easier said than done. When you have a partner in life, someone who you know has your back no matter what. Someone who will shelter you during the storm. Someone who is willing to die for you before they let you suffer. Then all of a sudden you are…
My Sister
One of the greatest gifts Joey ever gave me was his sister. She lived with us from the time we moved in together. And for six years after that. Her and her daughter were part of family. When they finally moved out because she got married it was very hard. It was like a part of our family left. She is not only my sister in law and best friend, she…
Scars
I have been told several times over the past two years I suffer from PSTD. I have never agreed to this diagnosis. I do not feel worthy of it. When I think of this condition I think of soldiers. People who witnessed horrific events. My tragedy is mine. I can recall very clearly the fire trucks, police and ambulances passing me, heading to him, only…
Dinner with Joey
The day before Joey died we went to a BBQ restaurant I used to work at. It had been ages since we had been in there and was good to see some old faces. That was the last meal we had together. Him, our youngest son, and me. I hate the food there probably from working there for so long but Joey loved it. I was getting ready to go out of the town for…
Day trip for the soul
This week we had some downtime and a day off school. So my sister and I took the kids to great wolf lodge for the night. This place holds lots of great and special memories for us as a family. We started going there when my now 7 year old daughter was just a baby. All the kids have been with their dad and have their own memories of being there. …
The Secret Tears
Here’s to the tears we save for our dark bedrooms at night alone. The hours we spend a day remembering our old lives. Here’s to the bravery it takes to fake a smile everyday. Long after everyone has forgot our stories we cannot forget. The scars are too deep. The wounds never heal. It becomes overwhelming at times to be that person that is…
Family time for the soul
This week we had some downtime and a day off school. So my sister and I took the kids to great wolf lodge for the night. This place holds lots of great and special memories for us as a family. We started going there when my now 7 year old daughter was just a baby. All the kids have been with their dad and have their own memories of being there. …
Life speed bumps
Isn’t weird how it’s always the little things that set you off. Turn you into a crying blob. I remember being very set on leaving every single thing exactly as it was when Joey was here. Nothing was going to change. We were going to preserve life just as we know it. But overtime we realize that this just isn’t a reality. Living completely in the…
Runner Up
It finally happen, he said it. I have been seeing someone for 5 months now. And we are happy. He makes me happy. And is good to me and the kids. And after 5 months he said it. He will always feel like second place. My heart dropped. He said he knows deep down inside I wish I was with Joey. I remember when a friend of mine starting dating a…
Snow Days
It snowed this weekend in my part of the country. It snows every year here but it always shuts everything down. It’s a good time though. You get stuck in the house until you are brave enough to take the kids out and play in the snow. You play board games and bake cakes. It’s just a family time. It’s always been that way with our family. Joey would…
2017
Another year as past. It’s hard to believe honestly. I tried my hardest this year to really allow myself to live. I took scary steps that at times made me feel horrible. It was always like I was leaving Joey behind when I did something new or changed something. But the reality is once it was done I felt good, I felt lighter. I know that doing these…
The second one.
Holidays are always more intense. You notice the absence of your loved one even more. If this is your first Christmas without your spouse I’m truly sorry. If this is your tenth without your spouse I am still just as equally truly sorry. I remember my very First Christmas with Joey. We had been dating a few months and exchanged gifts on Christmas…