It finally happen, he said it. I have been seeing someone for 5 months now. And we are happy. He makes me happy. And is good to me and the kids. And after 5 months he said it. 

He will always feel like second place. 

My heart dropped. He said he knows deep down inside I wish I was with Joey. 

I remember when a friend of mine starting dating a widower and I asked her that. Doesn’t she feel like second. And she said it took some time to realize but no she doesn’t anymore. She knows this is where she should be. 

So what do I say? Of course I wish Joey was still alive. But he isn’t. Of course I would change that night if I could. But I can’t. Nothing can change it. He is gone. I am here. 

So no he isn’t second. He is my now. He is my future. He is who I choose to be with. But I don’t think I am being 100% honest. His feelings are valid and I’m not sure what to say. 

I remember one time having a conversation with him and he said do you really think there is one true love for everyone in this big old world. I had to bite my tongue because if I did believe that then why was I with him. Am I just using him to fill my time? I don’t think I am. I care for him. Not as a replacement for anyone. I love my mother and my father why can’t I love my late husband and him. 

I question being in a relationship at all sometimes because I am such a burden. I have a very serious life with children. Why would anyone want to jump into that. But he did. And now no matter what I do he will always feel like second place.