I have been told time and time again don’t ask why. It will drive you mad. I have been told there are something’s you will never have answers for. You must let go. In other people’s dark hours have have given this same advice. But the truth is I want my why! I want my answers! I have been laying in a hospital bed for three days now. I was…

Okay.  So let’s just do it.  Let’s talk about it.  Let’s talk about love and dating and sex.  Yeah, I said it.  Sex.  And widowhood.  Lets not forget widowhood.  I need to talk about this.  It’s time. The first thing that I will say about this, is that each of us is completely different, when it comes to our feelings about love, dating,…

Having lunch with a friend the other day, one who knows me well and knew Mike, I told her: I feel like a completely different person now. Four year later, the only things that remain the same here in Kona are the friends we knew together, my two dogs, and the house I shared with Mike, though its innards are greatly changed now too. And soon, no…

I just passed the 4-year mark of Chuck’s death.  This year blew me to pieces.  Every year does, honestly, but this year…wow.  I went to work the day after, but lasted for only 2 hours, at which point it seemed like my choices were go home or run screaming from the store.  Mentally and emotionally, I was so done.  Mostly, I push my way…

What do I do with this 4-year mark? This Friday will be 4 years since I leaned over and gently kissed the lips of my dead husband, after watching him suffocate. After he died, I bathed him, with the aid of our 2 girls.  Then we dressed him in his street clothes.  I didn’t want his body going into the body bag by itself and I remembered that I…

I recently read a well written piece called “On the day I die” I thought it was beautiful, it resonated with me and gave me inspiration for my own piece of writing. The day you died, I knew you were gone but I waited for you. In a haze of disbelief and shock I waited for you to walk up to me. Minutes and hours ticked over with family and…

The definition of the word “duality” is as follows: 1. the quality or condition of being dual 2. an instance of opposition or contrast between two concepts or two aspects of something; a dualism. “the photographs capitalize on the dualities of lightness and dark, stillness and movement.”    I think it is more than safe to say that every widowed…

I pause and think sometimes often as to the pressures put upon those who grieve.  Upon widow/ers, certainly, though I know it pertains to pretty much anyone who grieves.  The griefers, as I call them us. What pressures? you might ask, though I know if you’re a widow/er, you know exactly what I’m talking about.Oh, you know…the pressures put…

So, one week ago today, on March 31st, in NYC, in a big giant concert hall and an even bigger audience watching the online live-stream, I was one of 11 speakers, chosen to give a TED talk, at the TEDx event, held at Adelphi University. My talk was titled: “When Someone You Love Dies, There Is No Such Thing As Moving On”, and it was all about how we…

The number 4 figures loudly and persistently for me this year. The month of March figures just as hugely. The end of May rings loudly in my heart too.  Chuck and I lived on the road, adventuring in our Happily Homeless travels, for 4 years. In those 4 years, we traveled all of the lower 48 states and oh, the sights we saw.  I saw places and…

About a month ago a woman, with whom I worked briefly, experienced the death of her son by suicide. I did not reach out to her until last week. I wanted to, but I also knew she was being bomb barded with emails texts and phone calls. When I did write to her, I just wrote the truth, the raw very un-pc truth. I did not expect a response; I just hoped…