Today is a big day for Mike and I… something that we have given a lot of thought to in the past year. This was a tough decision, but in the past few months we finally decided it is time for us to step down as writers here for widow’s voice.
On days when all this unknown feels scary… I look for hope in the smallest places and I let it grow in my heart. Because I find that hope very quickly grows into faith and trust that even the unknowns will work out somehow.
Today marks exactly one month since Mike and I went to the courthouse and got married. Since that day, we’ve gone on a short honeymoon, and a short family trip with Shelby, both trips on the road, in the camper, staying socially distant. None of this was the original plan. Then again, our very life together was not the original plan for either of us!
In an odd way, I’m beginning to look back at this difficult year and the chaos it has brought with some gratitude. I am, at least now, mindful that this year has stolen things from me that I can never have back. It has caused new pain I didn’t see coming. It has killed dreams and forced me to rebuild them anew. It has required sacrifices I never imagined. It has also pushed me to be more creative, more focused, more trusting, and more loving.
Well, it happened! This past week, Mike and I went to the courthouse and stood with a judge, said our vows, and got married. It wasn’t the big wedding with all our friends and family like we imagined. Instead of a wedding dress and tux, it was matching t-shirts and jeans, and “Just Married” face […]
I think it’s important to share not just the parts of my life that are affected by being widowed, but also the parts that are affected by having lost my mother as a child, and also my father in my late 20’s, because I know your children will live through milestones of their own like this.
A metaphor that my counselor used once was the idea of going into the jungle and getting attacked by a tiger. And the next time you find yourself in a similar jungle, you are consumed by the fear of the tiger to the point of running away… when there was no tiger around for miles. In fact, you might even be in a jungle where tigers don’t even live, but you’re still standing there scared of a tiger. This is what trauma can do to us.
I can’t deny that really, since Drew died, life has just never gotten back to being “easy” or “effortless” in the way it was back before he died. Of course, I don’t ever remember anyone saying that life gets easier as you get older. Doesn’t seem like the way it ever goes… just that we get better at handling things over time. That doesn’t mean it isn’t just as beautiful when life is challenging, because it sure as hell is. It just isn’t as simple.
It’s never easy to say goodbye… whether 5 months, 5 years, or 15 years. All I can look forward to is knowing that soon she’ll be able to peacefully rest finally, without confusion, or fear. Just peace.
I have so much fear of becoming widowed again. Some days, that fear is louder than others… like anticipating my own personal asteroid out there that is going to crash into me on some unknown date in the future, creating a private apocalypse all over again.
Mike and Sarah share Sunday posts, as they are two widows who are in a new relationship together. Today’s post is from Mike: Hey Babe, I’m writing this to you a few day’s belated. It’s been 6 years now since the last time Shelby or I was able to say “Happy Birthday” to your […]
This year has meant a lot of detours for many. For all of us who are widowed, the metaphor of a detour is a bold one… the idea of the road being closed ahead and suddenly we are to choose a new direction…