A while ago, Mike and I wrote this post together about some of the things that are harder about being two widowed people in a new relationship. In that post, we talked about how we aren’t ever able to really pull the widow card on one another, because essentially – it’s canceled out. We’ve both been through an equally hard pain. We have…
Wounds that Never Close
So many people in our modern society are not well versed in the ways of grief. When you have never lived a year, or five years, or 50 years with the death of someone you love, you just don’t know what that will mean or be like. I have both the fortune and misfortune of having lost people at a young age… and so while I still have relatively…
Orbiting Closer
It’s almost the end of the year. In a few days, it will be the 8th time I have welcomed a new year that Drew will not be alive to share in. The years have now stretched on for so long that it has all become so surreal. Eight years used to be something I was so afraid of. That first year or two, I could not fathom being 8 years away from him.
Talking to Fear
Yesterday Mike and I booked the first big part of our honeymoon for next summer – a beautiful cabin set in between Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks. It’s exciting for sure, but also, terrifying… Why does something this simple have to be so scary for me? I spent entirely too much time online checking reviews and double checking other…
Illusions of Control
I wonder at times if we put more pressure on ourselves because of being widowed. I feel like I am always trying to keep everything running smoothly, as if since being widowed I just want life to operate as a well oiled machine with as few hiccups as possible. I guess that’s understandable… to want to avoid anything particularly surprising or…
Getting More than You Give
Today I’m exhausted for good reasons, and thinking back to all the many times I have been exhausted for reasons I didn’t want to be. Exhausted from crying so much, or from trying to figure out my life again, or from just trying to do the myriad of ordinary things in life as a widow like buying groceries, going to the doctor or making new friends. I…
Mending the Quilt
Sometimes I am surprised by moments that heal my in ways I never imagined on this journey of loss. I met Mike because I lost Drew. And I met his daughter Shelby because of that too. And because they lost a wife and mother. And here we are, this new little family sort of scrapped together from the pieces of past lives. There are more pieces too……
What’s hard for Two Widowed People in Love: Card Canceling
Today Mike and I are writing together about a topic that our Friday writer Kelley asked about recently. Most people assume it is easier to be in a relationship with another widowed person when you are widowed. And it’s true, a lot of things are simplified when you understand each other’s loss. Kelley was curious to know what some of the specific…
Sudden Death Shadows
Well, I made it through the long three days of Mike being out of town for work the other week. He made sure to text or call at every turn so that I knew he was safe – which helped so much to keep the panic at bay a bit. So no, he didn’t die. Much to my relief. Although I will say, the whole ordeal of having to cope with my new person on a work trip…
Leaving on a Jet Plane… Don’t Die
It seems like there is always something in grief you are experiencing for the first time. After seven years as a widow, I would have thought that I had already gone through almost every “first”. This week though, I discovered another first I had yet to go through, and it’s had my emotions all over the place. Tomorrow, my new partner Mike…
A Shared Grieving
The other week, we stopped by a field of sunflowers on our way home. This isn’t just any field of sunflowers… it is a memorial called Prayers from Maria. Each year for the past five years, this field has been planted with hundreds of sunflowers. Towards the end of every summer, they bloom into their full glory. I’ve seen this covered on the…
Engagement from Two Sides
Today is a beginning of sorts. For the past few years, Mike and I have written for Soaring Spirits on separate days and will be moving to sharing Sundays now. For anyone who doesn’t know our story, we are both widowed and now engaged to one another. We met in Tampa at Camp Widow in 2015 and have been dating since. The idea to share a day seemed…