Facebook can sneak into our lives without us initially realizing what they are up to. Using AI they create these beautiful stories that feel like a real person wrote it – but they’re really just selling their product. I’ve nearly fallen for them in the past, but now I try to remember to look to see if “Ad” is listed under the name of the “person” who I thought was sharing a real life story.

However, this morning I forgot to do that check and read a long story that I connected to. No – I didn’t purchase their product – but I did get a ‘take-away’.  They referenced a couple of Japanese terms I found interesting:

Ma … a space between things – a pause, gap, room, span, interval, opening, relationship

Ma ga nukeru  … things feel off, hollow, mistimed but you can’t say why.

They went on to describe research that explained that losing a spouse can cause our brain to lose the rhythm, the structure, that a partner provided and can explain why capable, organized adults lose the ability to start tasks after losing a spouse.

Now since they were trying to sell their product I decided I needed to do some of my own research to verify if what they were saying was true before sharing it here. And yes, I found several valid references – and when one called it Widow Brain that reminded me of learning about that after Vern died.

What Is Widow Brain?

Widow brain refers to the cognitive struggles that often accompany grief, particularly after the loss of a spouse. These difficulties are the brain’s way of processing overwhelming trauma and emotional pain. Common symptoms include:

• Short-term memory loss (e.g., misplacing items or forgetting tasks).
• Difficulty focusing or processing information.
• Emotional dysregulation, such as irritability or outbursts.
• Fatigue and mental exhaustion.

This is from a very good article with some practical suggestions.   https://www.voxmentalhealth.com/blogs/understanding-widow-brain-the-cognitive-impact-of-grief

So this little Facebook AI diversion helped me to give myself some grace. I’m not lazy. It’s not because I turned 75. My brain has just been impacted by my grief. Widow Brain.

Add to all of that … that nasty respiratory thing I had back in March returned this past week. I guess that extreme fatigue I felt last Sunday was the precursor. The cough wasn’t quite as bad so I figured I could manage it. Mornings and overnight were the worse – but I was able to manage pretty well during the afternoons and evenings. So I decided I just could not miss my final game as a Vegas Golden Knights Season Ticket Member in The Fortress.

Well my hockey team did not win the Stanley Cup but they sure gave us a good run. Third time in just nine years to make it to the Finals – and the reason so many ‘hate’ us. (I did wear my Vegas vs Everyone t-shirt on the walk from the parking garage to the arena before putting on my gold jersey inside The Fortress.)  I’m actually happy I don’t have to decide whether to attend any of the celebrations and festivities that would have been happening now.

But I guess that game had another impact. I started feeling pretty icky on my drive back across the mountain after the game. My ear plugged up on the drive but changed to a severe pain behind my ear and traveled down my neck, headache, sore throat, cough and my eye was oozing. Yuck. Pahrump doesn’t have a 24 hour urgent care and I didn’t feel I needed to head to the ER so I decided to wait it out overnight and head over there before 8am to get in line. Was pleasantly surprised to see they were checking people in before 8. I was in and out by 8:20 but then had to wait for the 3 antibiotic prescriptions since the pharmacy didn’t open until 9. I used that extra time to fill my car up with gas and to make a quick stop at the grocery store. I postponed a second meeting with my tax advisor and cancelled attendance at a neighborhood lunch so I have this entire week with nothing on the calendar.

Hoping those meds kick in and I can get back to feeling normal … as normal as an old two-time widow is going to feel, I guess.