For the past 16 years I’ve been visited by a melancholy that begins mid-August and lasts through September. Some years it has spoken quite loudly; other years just a quiet whisper. This year feels especially heavy.

 

And that’s why I booked that oceanfront cottage where I will spend those anniversaries. There will be time for lovely memories, and with those death dates looming, I expect sadness and grief and loss will surely pay a visit, too. And I’m just going to sit with it all. Those weddings … one when I was 18; the other at 70. Such very different times of my life, but they both brought me so much love and happiness …..

 

“Because what do you do when the best parts of your life become the source of your greatest pain? You endure them. You sit with them in the quiet. You let the ache wash over you, hoping that maybe, just maybe, the tide will recede tomorrow.”  Lunar on Medium

 

I have no plans to DO anything in particular. I’m bringing some supplies to do some artsy stuff if I feel like it – and a couple of journals to be able to just write all that I’m feeling. I have some books saved on Kindle that I can get immersed in if I choose. I have that online 30-day Fresh Start course (which I’ll admit I have not been doing every day) and a writing workshop I signed up for is starting. I’m sure Sheila and I will do lots of walking along The Strand and on the beach – and I’ll likely spend considerable time just sitting on the sand and watching the ocean waves. That has always brought me some peace.

So tomorrow the car goes in for an oil change and check to be sure all is well for my solo drive to California. The neighbor has a key to the side gate so they can enjoy the pool and keep it filled. My car won’t fit in the tiny garage that comes with the cottage, so I’ve arranged long-term parking nearby (an 8 minute walk from the cottage).

But then I got concerned about traveling alone with Sheila on a 5 hour trip. How do I handle bathroom stops? I can stop anywhere for her to do her business … but if I need to use the restroom I can’t leave her alone in the car and I can’t take her inside restaurants. Eek! So I decided to split my drive in half and will stop in Barstow the first night and do the remaining drive the next day. I’ll be checking out the highway rest stops along the way for future trips – and maybe those truck stops I’ve seen along the way would have the restrooms located so I could take her in with me. We’ll see. But for this first time I’m playing it safe.

 

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I did think about leaving Sheila with Jeremy and Christine. She’s happy there with them, but it’s important for me to have her with me for this trip. We’re dealing with a potentially serious kidney issue that has me quite concerned. Lots of vet visits and tests, and more tests when we get back … and I want to spend this time with her. And besides, she had a bit of a scare on Sunday … she decided to take a nap on the pool decking and since she loves to lean her head over the edge of things when she sleeps … she fell into the pool! Scared her big time. Here’s my soggy Sheila.