What do I need in this moment? I take a breath I breathe in peace I breathe in silence I breathe in words, story, and music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCpXMy5GalI&list=RDlCpXMy5GalI&start_radio=1 Please excuse the holiday ad at the beginning. Worth waiting for Peace on Earth with Bing Crosby & David Bowie and assorted music […]
Widowed Anniversaries
Old Messages on Messenger
For no particular reason, I looked up Lynn and my conversation in my Messenger app. Honestly, I did not think we had ever messaged on Messenger, but indeed we had! Her first message to me was on August 12, 2009, and said “to see how this works.” There is only a small handful of random […]
Timelines
While watching tv I saw an ad for a sitcom about marriage. They were making a joke about how long after death they had to wait to find a new partner. He told her she had to wait half the time they were married, then she quipped that he wouldn’t wait. […]
Playlists From Beyond
On Tuesday, I awoke around 1:00am. Turning on my laptop, I knew what I was looking for; the Facebook Post I’d written on that day four years earlier sharing the sad and unwanted news with so many that Rich had lost his three-week long fight to keep on living. There are now over 500 comments […]
Happily Accepting the “Silver” Medal
This weekend marks what would’ve been my 29th Wedding Anniversary, not the 30th that I mentioned in my last post. It gave me a little laugh when I realized my widowed brain error. 29th, or 30th, no matter, it’s a bittersweet occasion, but one to always honor. So many who shared our special day, and […]
The Call and Response
When Traveling the Path of Grief The path we each travel to make our way through the daily ins & outs of our grief is personal and unique. As widowed people, our paths are often similar, yet different. On August 28, 2025, my husband’s birthday comes round, yet again, marking 75 years since he arrived. […]
Five Years
Yesterday marked the fifth anniversary of Lee’s death. Not a day passes, nor many moments, when she is out of mind. My memories of Lee –even the sad ones- are part of her legacy. I sincerely wish this were not the case because, in an alternative universe, Lee would still be healthy, and happily, we […]
June 12
Lee and I were married on June 12th. Does this fact mean that today is our wedding anniversary, or is it more accurate to say, had Lee survived, today would mark our wedding anniversary? Where it involves Lee, such fine distinctions can confuse me and make me uncomfortable. On the one hand, how can today […]
Non “Magical Thinking”
For years after Lynn passed, I never shied away from “hard feelings” ie: sadness, anger, exhaustion, confusion, etc. If a feeling came along, I gave it a place to stay as long as it needed to. I had no filter with people either. If people asked “how was I doing,” I matter of factly told […]
Revisiting the Month of June
Today’s post is a reprint from June 2024 with a few slight alterations. You might surmise that June is my funkiest month, and you would be correct. Nothing much has changed in a year, except I plan to turn seventy-four…. *** According to one poll (https://today..ougov.com/society/articles/45312-americans-favorite-and-least-favorite-months-year), thirty-nine percent of adult Americans love the month of […]
Death and Holidays
Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of Tony’s passing. In case you missed it, yesterday was also Easter. I have known and dreaded for a full year that these two events would coincide. About a month ago, I checked in with my kids about the date. Bringing the calendar to their attention and getting their thoughts […]
Our Lost Cat
Our cat has been missing for four days, and the anniversary of Tony’s death is in six days. Into that equation go ahead and add that my oldest will be 16 in two days. In summation, I am struggling. I feel like such a failure losing the cat, as the adult in the house it’s […]