This weekend marks what would’ve been my 29th Wedding Anniversary, not the 30th that I mentioned in my last post. It gave me a little laugh when I realized my widowed brain error. 29th, or 30th, no matter, it’s a bittersweet occasion, but one to always honor.

So many who shared our special day, and beautiful reception that took place on a river boat, are no longer with us making this date one of happy memories, but also a time when I so badly miss those I could recall it with; those who were there to celebrate with us. My sister, Manette, her son, my brother, Matt, my parents, aunts and uncles and some close friends.

In 2021, Rich and I celebrated our 25th anniversary at the Jersey Shore near where we were married in 1996. We’d driven up from our new home in Georgia to attend a wedding in Virginia, continuing on to New Jersey. There, we spent time with family and some good friends in a place Rich always held dear. He was a “Jersey Guy” to the end, despite our move south, and I’m glad he got to spend some of his last best days in the place he loved best. 

Who knew that as we celebrated our 25th anniversary on September 28th, he’d pass four weeks later on the 28th of October. The number 28 is so prominent in many aspects of my life.

In the fall of 2022, Nearly a year after Rich’s passing, I drove back up to New Jersey, with my rescue dog, Quint to bring his ashes “home”. I marvel that I did something I said I’d never be able to do alone. A first of many solo accomplishments.

Now, four years after Rich’s passing, I live a life that is so different, but I know that he is happy to see that I’ve chosen to live on, yet always honor his place in my life. He has his special ways of letting me know that all will be well that bring me comfort.

Once a widow, always a widow, no matter what new life and love develops. It isn’t something one ever “gets over” and everyone has the right to chose what kind of life they want to create for themselves after this loss. 

I have to admit that everyday, when I see photos and posts of those celebrating their anniversaries I feel a sense of sadness and loss. I get it, I posted them, too, and still do, but now they are frozen in time. I’m genuinely happy for  these couples who can still post anew, and want them to know how fortunate they are. I truly believe they do understand, and I realize I was lucky to have had 25 years and four weeks spent happily married to my Jersey Guy. I graciously accept the Silver Medal in the Marriage Olympics. Although I’ve no plans to remarry, let’s just say I’m too old for the Gold.

I know that divorce is often considered a type of death, too, but it should never be compared to widowhood. When someone inevitably does, I just say, “It’s so hard to find a good Widow Lawyer,” and they usually get my point. We had no choice, no trial separation, no hope or chance for reconciliation, although I know circumstances surrounding divorce can vary and accept that it is a loss to be mourned as well.

Also, if you were in any kind of committed relationship, even without being “officially” engaged or married, your loss of your partner is just as painful and should be regarded as so. 

So tomorrow, September 28th,  I’ll toast Rich, and be grateful that we got to have our time together, and to have shared it with so many good friends, and family, and  I will continue to share those images of our milestones that now stand still as a record of what once was.