Another Mother’s Day has come and gone; six to be exact since Tony died. It is still weird to wake up on a day like Mother’s Day without him. I always take myself back in time to the last one he was alive for. He and the boys picked up the house, emptied the dishwasher, […]
Widowed Parenting
What do Cinco de Mayo 🇲🇽 and Mother’s Day 💐 have in common?
Nothing, except everything. Yesterday, May 5th, the grief hit me out of nowhere, yet not entirely unexpectedly. We loved turning nothing into something, any excuse into a celebration. Take Cinco de Mayo, for instance. Not Mexican Independence Day 🇲🇽 and not a widely celebrated holiday in Mexico, but after nearly 30 years […]
The Wild Wild Southwest 🌵
First things first, and the most important thing first: this airline gets me!!! ➡️➡️➡️➡️➡️➡️ But seriously, the polarity of this journey that goes from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other in a nanosecond, I had to take a picture of it. Well, we did it! We survived and, may I dare say, […]
DeathFest V in Review
A week ago, I hosted a party called DeathFest V (5) to honor the life Tony lived and the person he was. Tony loved revelry with all the people he loved. Even though the party had a dark name, gathering together was at the center of the event. As I built the invite list, I […]
I’m Off the Clock ⏰
Said no widowed parent ever!!! 😂 This week I am traveling with our kids for their spring break…🛫 Ay Dios mío!!! I’m super nervexcited! 🚘 I will report back after the trip with our teenage boy and teenage girl, doing things they have never done before. 🚵🏼♀️ Like hiking a lot, hiking inside a river […]
Identity Theft 🪪
Victim of Identity Theft 👤 Not the kind where creeps take your Social Security number, name and address and try to impersonate you with American Express 💳. But the kind that happens after your person dies. The kind that strips you of everything that made you, you. I have a feeling you know where I’m […]
JOKE IS ON YOU! 🤣
APRIL FOOL’S DAY Laughter is medicine for the soul, they say. Humor is the “glue” that holds a relationship together, they say. But DARK humor? It can become a survival tool too, baby! I say. I am willing to bet my tax refund 💵 to say that one doesn’t truly know dark humor until you lose […]
Scrambled Thoughts 🍳 with a Side of Trauma.
⌛️ It has been 842 days, 13 hours, and 41 minutes. Roughly 2 years, 3 months, and 22 days. But the trauma, the slow agonizing torture, started for me more than five years ago with his terminal brain cancer diagnosis. It blindsided us. If your person was ill for a while, you know what I […]
I’ve Gone Dark.
This week I am in it. 😔 In a funk. The kind you can’t pinpoint to one single thing, just a mix of little and big things that make life feel so heavy and unfair all over again. It feels like a grief hangover. The kind that wants to keep you in bed for days […]
We Went to Church
A few weeks ago, I took the boys to Church. And by Church, I mean Eric Church. This was Tony’s favorite singer and every song he released; Tony seemed to identify with more than the last. I don’t think there was a song he didn’t like. Right after Tony passed, tickets for one of his […]
HAPPY? BIRTHDAY TO ME 🥳
March 8th, 2026 I turned 51. Happy birthday to me 🥳 That word… happy. Its meaning has changed so much for me. It takes real effort for me to say it these days, because very few things feel worthy of that word. Everything is tainted by the shadow of grief. I stop and think: Do […]
Hi, My Name is Liliana…
THE MORNING I WALKED INTO A GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP I sat there, in my car, for what felt like an eternity. It was a cold, overcast Thursday morning in mid-February 2024, just like in the movies. I drove one hour to a city in Virginia to attend a Loss of Spouse Grief Share support Group, […]