I try to use the first month of a new year to take a good look at my life … do some deep diving, reviewing, thinking, planning. What’s working well? What do I need to change? What new things do I want to try? What do I need to leave behind? What mistakes have I […]
Widowed by Illness
Aloneness … Loneliness, Solitude or Isolation?
Aloneness – I had not heard this word until after I was widowed. It feels bigger than loneliness, more all encompassing. It felt right for me back in 2010 and feels right for me now. I do know I can be happy living alone … it took awhile but I eventually found it after Vern […]
Am I Still Considered ‘Newly Widowed’ …
… since this is the second time I’ve lost my husband? I actually hadn’t thought about giving myself that label until someone suggested it. But Jim died just 9 weeks ago – so, of course, I am newly widowed. Since I went through all of this 15 years ago, perhaps I’m better prepared this time. […]
Two Times …
I lost my husband 15 years ago. I lost my husband 8 weeks ago. Yes, both of those statements are true. Twice widowed. Not something most of us would choose willingly, is it? But I did. I was quite vocal about never dating after Vern died. I wrote about it in my blog, I shared […]
When Art Is a Poor Imitation of Life
The other night, I stayed up later than usual to watch the multiple Oscar-nominated film, “Terms of Endearment.” It’s a film based on Larry McMurtry’s book, with one significant difference: The film adds a major character — the middle-aged, former astronaut Garrett Breedlove (played to perfection by Jack Nicholson, who won the Oscar for Best […]
Past and Present
The summer of 2020 was a weird and unsettling time. We were early in the pandemic and there was just a heavy feeling all around. Mario’s health was really tanking, yet he was still not acknowledging it. We’d gone on a short camping trip about 50 miles to the east. I remember we had a […]
The Season of Time
What is time, anyway? Time is how we measure and make sense of change. At its core, time is a concept we use to track the sequence and duration of events. It’s how we understand that one thing happens before or after another and how long things last. -Chatgpt Time is both strict and magical. […]
“Uncage the Soul”
This week, a local artist I know lost her son to cancer. I had been watching his story with the disease unfold for a couple years. At one point in time he owned a video production company called, Uncage the Soul (the phrase was apparently one he used to sign correspondences while he was young […]
A Case Study in Free Will
It’s been a slow week for me on the writing front, so I will give you Mario’s obituary, which I wrote on Valentine’s day, four days after The Day, because what else would I have done that Valentine’s day. I’m also a firm believer that obituaries should not be boring. Bonus points for humor and […]
“All of the Moments You Take for Granted”
Trigger warnings for death by illness and mention of suicide. I’ve recently been watching video blogs posted by Jackson Galaxy on Youtube – a guy known as the “cat daddy” who originally came to fame through being a cat behaviorist who got his own tv show, “My Cat From Hell”. The videos are documenting the […]
What is Grief . . .
. . . someone asked. a puzzle an enigma one long and unpredictable complication . . . a testament to love. grief the remnant from the flood proof that love existed love’s receipt. The poet, John O’Donohue says it best: For Grief When you lose someone you love, […]
“These dreams go on when I close my eyes.”
It’s been a week of oddball dreams in which my departed other half has shown up frequently. These particular types of dreams are powered by my subconscious mind, not by supernatural forces. From the surrealistic to the mundane, they take me on a well-trodden path. It’s almost as if my subconscious is experiencing its own […]