When Dan was alive he used to tell me I worked too hard. The word “work” mostly referred to one or another creative project in addition to my professional job. He was right. I don’t have great boundaries sometimes and the middle of the night, or the wee hours of the morning, are when I […]
Widowed by Illness
Conversations Without Spaces Erase Entire Lives
Main image by Red Zeppelin on Unsplash I was invited for dinner at a friend’s house last night. Medjool was also invited and joined. We so rarely get invited out as a couple. His friends invite him out, and invariably he goes without me. My friends invite me out, but without inviting him. Actually, no […]
Let’s Talk About Death Over Dinner
Image by Nadia Valko on Unsplash A couple of weeks ago I hosted a dinner where the sole focus was to talk about all things Death and Dying. (And Grief, because, heck, it’s inseparable). I had come across the concept of this kind of dinner during the months after Mike died, and decided, “Okay – […]
It’s Not About the Roses
Image by Yoksel on Unsplash It’s Valentine’s Day already in some parts of the world. I know that the date fills a number of my fellow widbuds with Horror. Or Grief. Or Sadness. Or Resentment. There’s such “noise” around Valentine’s day in (at least Anglophone) parts of the world – it’s one of those many […]
Choosing Life – A Love Letter to Julia from Paula
Photo of Paula & Julia by a school friend I wake up to a firm ray of sunlight bursting through my dormitory window on July 2nd, 2019. I can’t wait to finally see my family after what feels like years. Suddenly, an inexplicable feeling of heaviness fills my chest, making it hard to get out […]
What does hope look like for me now?
Image by precious widbud Charlotte MacNaughton – Yellowknife, Canada’s Northwest Territories (Jan 2023) Way back when, back in my life before, and soon after I had started up my business, Kaleidoscope Development, I wrote a blogpost on “Hope”. It was 21st April 2014. I actually called it, “Hope – Part One”, and a week later, […]
Violent Dreams to Usher In the Year of the Rabbit
Image by Gary Bendig on Unsplash I have woken late this morning – almost 9 am – very late for me. But I have been drifting in and out of sleep for the past few hours – since before 6 am. I no longer remember what dream woke me before 6, but it was a […]
In Praise of Love and Mountains
Photo and Art by Véronique Balcerzak After Mike died, I made an effort, particularly at Christmastime, to ensure there was a gift from him, not only for each of the kids, but also for myself. The first year, it was soft toy teddys made from his t-shirts. I remember that we needed some kind of […]
Learning to Shuck Oysters at 55
Main image by Tommaso Cantelli on Unsplash. Other pictures my own. I am a bit of an Omnivore, in that I eat everything, and always have done. I have never been a fussy eater, I have a great appetite (which I didn’t lose even when I had gastroenteritis, aged about 14), and I truly relish […]
Tapping in to The “Terrible Two-Year”
Posting here each Saturday has been an incredible opportunity. I love when someone tells me they’ve shared my post(s) with someone else who’s lost a spouse or experienced another kind of significant loss. Even those who haven’t have expressed their appreciation for the insight they’ve derived from some of these posts. That is what keeps […]
Channelling Spirits this Christmas
Image by Rob Wicks on Unsplash Today is my first “me day” in a fat week. I have had eight (mostly enjoyable, if also busy) continuous days of catering and making, shopping and cooking, organising and preparing, washing and folding, sweeping and wiping, loading and unloading, and even socialising. But today, I said, more to […]
Slightly Lighter
Image by Caleb Woods on Unsplash I survived another Christmas Day. Woohoo! I survived yet another Christmas Day. I am impressed. And of all of the above words, the word “survived” is the one that least fits. Because, for the first time in 9 Christmases, it didn’t feel like “survival”. It wasn’t exactly singing and […]