Main image by Melanie Wasser on Unsplash Last Sunday, after I had arrived in Milos in the early morning but still too late to join the other intrepid swimmers for all day open-water swimming, I just pootled around. It was a blissfully leisurely day. I enjoyed a second breakfast, unpacked my belongings, had two short […]
Widowed by Illness
Παρακαλώ και ευχαριστώ
Main image by Sergio Garcia on Unsplash Back in the very early 1980s – or perhaps it was even the very late 1970s – I am not entirely sure… my mum started to learn Greek. I don’t know why she started, (nor why she eventually stopped), but she engaged a private teacher who showed up […]
“The relationship I always wanted….”
Photo of my parents in 1961 in Córdoba, Spain – from their archives Medjool and I have just had a lovely 10 day “working break”, based mostly at my parents’ house in Céret in the Pyrénées Orientales, just inside France on the Franco-Spanish border. Now into their 80s, I try to get down to spend […]
I wish I could better imagine…
Photos my own – taken at Christmas 2022, on runs with my dad Sometimes I stop short in my tracks and realise with desperate sadness that I can no longer imagine what my life would be like with Mike were he still alive. In the last years since he died, I have lived through what […]
What do Mother’s Day, Handy Men, T-shirts and Jazz have in common?
Photo my own You might well ask. Well, one answer, and the only one I have right now, is that these words, or words related to them, are on sticky notes, forming a dense, colourful and messy pile, worthy of investing in 3M. I am trying to reduce my use of sticky notes, but […]
The School Bus That Thumps Me In The Gut
Music, yes – of course music does it. Lyrics or no lyrics – same same. Places too. And faces – duh. All of those are triggers – triggers for a fast tumble down a Grief-soaked spiral. But the evening school bus? School buses, in fact, for there were two a day – one for kids […]
Credits
Photo my own screenshot A long, long time ago, back in the last millennium, in the time when there were dinosaurs, and during the 7 month period between 1997 and 1998 where I had a brilliantly exciting expat assignment in Minneapolis, I met a lovely woman called Betsy. She was first a colleague then became […]
Just because I “know” doesn’t mean I “remember”
Image of Ground Zero Memorial by Oleg Illarionov on Unsplash It’s a tricky thing, supporting others who have experienced great loss. Even when you yourself have experienced great loss. Even when you have experienced the “same” great loss, dammit. It’s a tricky thing because of so many tricky things. Tricky things like the natural human […]
Poster Child – but not for the reasons I would have wanted
Photo by P – family friend – photo of our two girls, which P keeps stuck behind a piece of art from Julia It was Julia’s 19th birthday a couple of weeks ago. On 30th March. Still her birthday. Even if she is not alive to enjoy it, to celebrate it, to live it, to […]
8th April
Photos my own, taken today It generates a sicky feeling in my tummy. A sinking of my heart. A shortening of my breath. An increase in my heart’s rate. A tensing of my belly. A weakening of my arms’ and legs’ strength. Trembly fingers. This date. 8th of April. Typing it out. Seeing […]
The Body Remembers – Again
This morning I awoke at exactly 4h00. It’s not entirely uncommon that I am awake around that time. But to awaken at exactly 4h00. On 30th March. The body remembers. Nineteen years ago, at that very moment, I woke up. I needed the loo. As in to poo. And I knew. Because late […]
NNTR and other attempts to influence language
Image by i-am_nah on Unsplash Back in the 1980s, and possibly into the 1990s, I was quite an avid reader of two “wimmin’s magazines” – Company and Cosmopolitan. I just looked up to see if they still exist – they do. But I am curious how I ever found any of it interesting. Perhaps it […]